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bttrfly #2678762 05/18/16 03:32 PM
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I would like to add, my H may have started drinking after his 30th anniversary. I have no proof, just that his behavior is so spot on for an active addict that if he hasn't picked up yet, you know it's coming if he doesn't change his ways. I have detached to the best of my ability. THis is his battle to fight. I need to be strong for myself and my son. Not an easy place to get to, but feels so much better now that I'm here. You can do this too. I know you can! xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
bttrfly #2678805 05/18/16 07:11 PM
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Job,
Thank you all for checking in on me. Need to remember there is support and help out there. I am feeling better. Just getting it out has really helped. I should have known that suicide would NOT be my answer but I was so low and couldn't see another option.

I am going to an IC as well. Joint C suggested melatonin to help me sleep too. I do know that I'm not sleeping much and that is not helpful. Stress diet is not the way to go either.

On the hug and kiss I was OK with it. I know it's not going to happen every time but I'll take it. But it sure felt nice to have his arms around me. Maybe t put just a little back together or something. Didn't feel foreign nor awkward. It was nice and warm. It actually was the beat hug since probably March when he started drinking again. Just going to move on and proceed with my night. Basketball is on I'm watching and just a bit odd to be sitting here by myself as this was something we did together. But I'm continuing on my own because dang it I'm not letting him ruin this for me. I love basketball and I will continue.

Al-anon is a must for me at this point and time, just like this site and my C's. It's Sunday night. This what will keep me on a positive note and moving forward.

Yep I agree H has to figure out how to get his own place. H has put us in this situation and I'm making the best of it. H has killed our credit so it's going to be hard for him. H may have to pick up another job to make his ends meet. Just like a a friend I can only give so kuchen. Can't hurt myself and family to help someone else out!!!!


wife of an addict
M 39 H 39
D18 D 16
Together 19 M17
bttrfly #2678808 05/18/16 07:19 PM
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Originally Posted By: bttrfly
Hi TabD,
I'm proud of you for talking about your suicidal thoughts in counseling. That took a lot of guts. Good for you. As someone coming up on 29 years of sobriety, please don't give up before the miracle happens. Not to sound too cliche, but seriously that is a permanent solution to an issue which will, in the long run of your time on this planet, be temporary. I'm not minimizing what you're going thru- I have had those thoughts myself. It's not worth it - your family needs you and YOU are worth it, so please hang in there. xoxoxo


Wow 29yrs. I am so happy and proud of you! You give me hope. I know others can do it, I just have to wait for H to hit rock bottom and hopefully my D's don't hate him too much and my family doesn't either. I will NOT give up. I will detach and support my friend but I will try so hard not to enable him. That is on me in the past. Yep it was his choice and it's a disease but I hid it, I lied, I bought the beer, etc. So I can't do that now.

Thanks bttrfly. I am saddened to hear about your H. I will pray for him and you.

I appreciate all the support and knowing its here and also that you are a recovering addict means a lot to me.


wife of an addict
M 39 H 39
D18 D 16
Together 19 M17
TabD #2678845 05/18/16 11:08 PM
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Well just had a conversation with D-18, she works with H for next couple of weeks until his new job starts. She said that people are talking about OW and H at work. I'm so sick to my stomach. I know these are his choices right now but dang it. Doesn't he realize that his D has to listen to this. What the heck is H doing. D stated mom she is a whore. And she is going screw him over. I said I can't do anything about it. H has to go thru this and maybe it will be his rock bottom. All we can do is pray for H and hopefully H doesn't catch any diseases if she is really sleeping around on H.

This makes me so mad. I want to call and yell at someone. I want to go and confront OW but this will only cause trouble. How to detach. PMA not real good right now.

I was in a better place this afternoon. How can things change so quick?


wife of an addict
M 39 H 39
D18 D 16
Together 19 M17
TabD #2678871 05/19/16 05:32 AM
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TabD,

People in "lust" do not care what others think. They are so happy in "lust" and just don't have a clue. Yes, others around them will chat about the situation and not think one iota about how family members are taking the news. Bottom line...he doesn't care right now what people think.

You can't control him or his behavior. The best thing to do is to come here or find a pillow and beat the stuffing out of it. Take a walk or go for a drive and scream at the top of your lungs...but confronting the ow is not a wise choice right now and will only drive your h and her closer together.

You are going to discover that nothing stays the same. Things change very quickly when you are dealing w/a MLCer. That's why it's important to keep the focus on you and your family.

Also, it's time to start a new thread.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2678947 05/19/16 09:28 AM
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Job,
I will start a new thread.

Thank you for reminding me that things change so quickly and that nothing is set in stone at this point. I have to keeping forward.

I will go to bed on my knees and be grateful for the day and the joys, I will wake up in the morning on my knees, to get guidance for the day forward and strength to get move in the right direction and have the right words at the right time.


wife of an addict
M 39 H 39
D18 D 16
Together 19 M17
TabD #2679050 05/19/16 03:02 PM
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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