momof2girls: I am sorry that it is deff. that there is OW. I don't doubt my husband has a "friend" but I don't think he does either. But I don't know. He swears up and down "no" and usually when he is lying he FREAKS out. But he didn't when I did ask him. I hope not. A lot of women (incl myself) would say "Oh hell no, if he is cheating on me its OVER" but you don't know until your IN that situation. I really pray to God that there is noone else. I pray to God he is telling me the truth. But I am NOT letting my guard down that there is a possibility. I just want a normal family. Well, no family is normal, but I want a loving, decent, caring, loving family. I want my life back the way it used to be. But I guess wish in 1 hand and crap in the other right. Remember this: You getting the kids something to give to their father makes YOU look good to them. "Mommy got us something to give to Daddy, but Daddy got us nothing to give to Mommy" And its a known fact, if you're not a deadbeat Mom, kids LOOOOOVE and need their Mommys!!! Mommy is #1!!!! So just makes dear ol' Dad look worse! And when a Daddy hurts a Mommy, kids do NOT like that. But they see Mommy being nice to Daddy, (shhhh between us girls) Daddy looks like an @$$!!!! ::evil laugh::
you are very funny and so so right! In the beginning my H told me OW was just a friend..however how may married men do you know that have co-ed sleepovers??(HA) I did get him a card from D's. I also bought one for my stepson's from D's. Not sure if you read my entire situation but I am a 2nd wife...have two stepsons and two daughters. I want my family back too! Normal or not they are mine! My daughter will hopefully realize that daddy did not buy a V-day card for Mommy from her (she is almost 5) The baby (11 months) doesn't have a clue...everytime she sees him she laughs and smiles..thanks for the stab in the back kiddo! (Ha) How old are your children?? On a different note is it snowing where you are?? I am not sure where Marlboro NY is...I am in Rhode Island.
I am 30 yo w/ 3 kids. 13 yo son (H stepson) our 7 yo daughter & our 1 1/2 yo beautiful son who is an angel in heaven. My H will be 32 in April. Marlboro is a little town in NY. Inbetween Newburgh, Poughkeepsie area. I will be in RI this weekend @ The Christmas Tree Shops. I am going to visit my friend in Attleboro, Mass. Thurs through Mon. The sleet/hail/snow right now @ 1:AM in the morning is really really bad!!!! OMG Its pounding on the windows. They are calling for 12-20 inches. My H never called, never showed last night. the girl who I am friends w/ that he works w/ said they were really really busy yesterday and he probably was there w/ the rest of them working late (she is a high risk preg. so he leaves at 5) But w/e. My friend that is my "therapist" said "So what. Let it go. Maybe 2 nights of a good thing was two too much. So you talk to him the next time" Well, its sleeting SO bad right now, calling for a TON of snow and we leave tomorrow. I doubt I will see him now. I'll just leave his "gifts" on the table. darn. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I had to let some of it out. So Happy Valentines Day. ttyl
I stumbled upon this article. My God is it good: (Before you read it, I would like to pinpoint MY own problem and how this is SO right. This 1st sentence is EXACTLY what my husband said before he left "I've had it. I want to separate. There is noone else, Im just not happy and I think space will help. I dont want to lose you." Another problem, he insists w/o flipping his lid, there is no OW and I kept insisting and calling him, 1 time 138 times in 1 night!!!! he wouldnt answer the cell phone! I have stopped insisting and stopped calling him. Heres the article now:) Surviving Separation ..He's had it. He wants to separate. He swears there isn't anyone else, but he's just not happy. He thinks time and some space might help. You didn't see this coming, and you are devastated, which is of course understandable. Your first thought is probably that you will become a statistic, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Separation can sometimes be a positive thing, despite the fact that it is a painful and difficult process. If you and your spouse really want things to work out, a separation might actually work to your benefit. It may give the two of you a chance to miss one another and to appreciate each other more. It might provide enough distance to allow the two of you to engage in counseling, and be completely open and honest, without the anxiety of having to face the other person on the ride home or at home afterwards.Keep these things in mind, during this difficult time: Don't Berate, Blame, or Accuse If he swears there isn't another woman, and there is no real evidence of an affair, give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't engage in screaming matches, no matter how hurt, angry, and upset you are. It will turn him off and he won't respond the way you want him to. Wait until you're calmer to try to talk and never attack or try to blame him for everything. When calm, ask how the two of you can work together to make things better. Find out is he's willing to try counseling. If you keep exchanges amicable, in time you might even suggest a date. Don't Act Like a Stalker Seriously. Don't follow your spouse to see if there really is another person involved. Don't call several times a day or at all hours. Don't read his mail. Don't just happen to show up as he's leaving work or as he's arriving at his favorite coffee shop. By all means, never harass or embarrass him at work. Neediness is not attractive, and if it crosses the line, it can actually be considered stalking. Always think things through before you act or react, and try not to make purely emotional decisions.Find Neutral Territory This means both location and subject matter. If you need to discuss bills, the kids, or other important issues, stick only to the imperative points, speak in factual terms, and arrive at a decision together. Keep the list to a minimum, so it doesn't feel like a list of demands or a bunch of excuses to monopolize his time. By finding a neutral location, especially a public place, you can help reduce tension as well as reducing the chance of heated arguments.Be Respectful but Expect the Same in Return Remember how much you love your spouse, and try to show respect and common courtesy. Remaining civil will help keep the two of you from building walls. You'll be more at ease with each other making it easier to discuss and sort out important issues. However, you should never allow your spouse to walk on you. You are deserving of respect and courtesy as well. If your spouse behaves hatefully, try not to react over-emotionally. Simply disengage and tell him you will speak to him another time when he can remain civil. Live Your Life This is what I was doing, but now I do not call him. Don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call, but don't always be immediately available either. Live your life. If he asks to talk or get together but you have other plans or obligations, say so. Don't drop everything every time he calls. Instead, offer another more convenient time if you do want to see him. Keep yourself busy and take good care of yourself. It's easy to slip into depression and it definitely shows. Instead, remind him just how attractive you are and that it's well worth the wait to see you.
Great article...helps with my mood today...it is all so true but yet so hard to carry out! I feel like if things don't work out between me and H that all these bottled up things that are upseting to me will only hurt me in the end. I know for now Ijust have to keep my mouth shut!
I LOVE THE CHRISTMAS TREE SHOP!!!!! We have one 45 min south of me in Spring Valley NY, Albany NY and Danbury CT. We are going to Xmas Tree shop this weekend!!!! My husband called this morning and said "Happy Valentines Day" to me I wanted to cry. He said he was bringing over pizza and wings tonight. I am so scared of him out there w/the bad weather. And I had a 40 min. conv. to him about things on my mind, he didnt hang up on me, shun me away, hurry me up, nothing, he listened to me. It was SO nice. Only 3 peeps @ work today, so FOOD FOR THOUGHT all day and we leave tomorrow for Attleboro and he'll have till Monday to do more thinking. GOD I hope I didnt screw things up more. But my friend told me GOOD FOR YOU. I was sincere and kind to him and he said "I am listening to every word you say" UUUGH! Calgon take me a freakin' WAY!
All My separation is very different. I see him everyday, he is staying with his parents and they watch are three children. So we are both very attached to the kids. Last night we took the younger two sled riding. I was sledding with them and he watched. The kids and I and so much fun. Am I doing this wrong being at his family’s house? His mom wants me there and we are so close. I feel that I have been so negative in the past that his shows him I am not that way anymore. I now this OW doesn't see him as much as I do. I am moving slowly with moving on with my life, but I don't want to give either. My sister said that we are going right because the kids need to know we love them and I hope in this process he will see that we can love each other again too. This so crazy I just pray everyday to God for us to come back together soon. I just wonder if it meant anything at church when he wrote his name and family of 5. I wish I could read his mind. My oldest daughter and I are going to start swimming laps at the school and my youngest said she wants to swim I said your dad will need to take you and he said he would. That was nice I thinks. All I can say to you that are going threw this being strong really does make difference and don't call him either unless you need to. I have had to call a couple of times and stopped. He sometimes still tells me when he has to do something and I say ok and drop it. I have the Divorce Busting book and it is great that book in the being in my life. I only wish I knew about it before all this happened. I say go back to when you met and fell in love, remember what you were like then find that person again for you not him. I am taking scuba diving lessons next month! I would not be doing that if he was here right now. Do things for you and ask God to help threw the difficult times and he does listen and help. I have put me faith in his hands and know his and a better life for me. Please give your input on this .Thanks
Hi Hope, My MIL also watches our kids. I am very close to her and she is beside herself that her son just up and left his 2nd family. I feel bad for her b/c H is spending nights at OW house and no of us know anything about her. His mother tries to talk to him and he doesn't answer. I am sick over this...H was at OW again last night and hasn't seen his kids in a week. Your H sounds like a good dad. Right now the OW is the only focus my H has...I am sad and feel like the "getting along" is just letting him think he can do whatever he wants and that I am not bothered by it! It eats at me about OW...I have really been trying to GAL but I just can't.
the girl who I am friends w/ that he works w/ said they were really really busy yesterday and he probably was there w/ the rest of them working late (she is a high risk preg. so he leaves at 5) But w/e. My friend that is my "therapist" said "So what. Let it go. Maybe 2 nights of a good thing was two too much. So you talk to him the next time" Well, its sleeting SO bad right now, calling for a TON of snow and we leave tomorrow. I doubt I will see him now. I'll just leave his "gifts" on the table.