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Hi Ladies, Let me tell you Hope, Rosey, Mom, etc. You all are so brave. My husband left me the beg. of Jan 2007. He has been talking a/ this bimbo who is 8 yrs younger than him, a 9th grade drop out, flips burgers @ Arby's, is a wh*re and she used to be his bestfriends fiance. We all used to hang out together till I found out the both were trouble makers w/ no lives and no goals. He says shes just a "friend" yeah right. He says she is just someone to talk to, yeah right. It KILLS me to know that my husband is possibly cheating on me. He has no where to stay right now, tells people he has no place to stay, and I offered him to live here but no ties and sleep in the other bedroom. He declines. I am in SO MUCH PAIN, SO MUCH HURT, I shake, I tremble, I hurt so bad for him to tell me he loves me. He TOO has told me I am not in love w/ you anymore, I can't stand you, It's over in 1 breathe and Im confused in another. He tells me this is why we are done with and never will be together again. Dear GOD I cry EVERY day.My poor kids are so hurt, I am so hurt, even my chihuahuas are hurt. When he comes here to see the kids everything is kind of OK, but he has the WORST and most JEALOUS "friends" putting crap in his head. I love this man w/ all my heart and soul. Our anniversary is in 3 days. Valentines is in 2 days. I HURT so BAD! HOOOOOOOOOOW do you make it STOP? How the heck do you get through this? I feel so betrayed and lost. But stupid me keeps initiating sex. DUMMY DUMMY DUMMY. I feel like my poor kids are going through this and there is nothing I can do. I hate myself.

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cheri, don't hate yourself. I know it is hard not to but you wernen't the one who had the A and who left. You aren't the one who is doing all this to your family. However, you have to be strong and keep your chin up for your kids. H's always listen to the people they want to; the friends who say the grass is greener on the other side. He will not listen to people who he doesn't want to hear what they say. This rollercoaster is the toughest one you will ever ride on. Also, if you feel worse after the sex, don't do it. He wants his cake and eat it too and it will only make you feel worse after when he leaves. now, I need to listen to that advice too. Good luck and stay strong. Take care of yourself and DO NOT HATE YOURSELF!


Me 31
WAH 30
M 5
Together 14 years
S 4
divorced 7/11/07

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How terrible is this though? I do not regret or hurt after having sex w/ him. Its hard to explain. What I hate is him not being here. Loving me. It hurts so bad. OMG this is the same pain I had when I gave birth to my stillborn son. I feel so empty, so alone, so lost. I do not know for a 100% fact that he did have an affair on me, but I do not let me guard or armour down that he isn't. I mean he is HOMELESS and lives out of his car, sleeping on his mothers couch. I offered him to stay here and no strings attached and he tells people "I need to find a place to live" WTF??? WHAT am I doing wrong? What on EARTH can I do to make him come back? Anyone can email me anytime they want, CheriBerry30@aol.com. Please someone help me \:\(

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Cheri....first...take a few deep breaths....I know when I was in your state I was barely breathing!....

Then...give us a little more information....how old are you and H....how long together/married.....how many kids and how old....

Then this is the important part...keep reading here...you will find gems of wisdom....I know this place helped me survive the 18 months my H was gone....He didn't even want sex....he wanted nothing to do with me and in fact slept on his office floor and on friends couches until he found a place....

You need to read Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy....but really just read as much as you can here....ask questions...vent here....this will help you defer your anger and hurt away from your H and your children....they see you hurting and this compounds their own hurt....I remember holding my daughter and sobbing in her arms....she was 18 and acted 40....but I had to remember she was hurting for me and the loss of her dad...

The good news is that no matter how bad things seem...they will get better....you might even save your marriage in the process...

But first....breathe....read....and work on building yourself up...your children need you like never before!


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I am 30 yo. H is almost 32. My kids are 13 yo son (his stepson) 7 yo daughter *ours* and 1 1/2 yo son in heaven *ours* We have been friends for 12 years, together for 9 years and H/W for 6 years this Thursday. We had a family meeting tonight when he came over, things got a little hairy but eventually thinned the thick air out and he even asked me to sit at the table w/ him when I gave him a plate of dinner. He is so confused, so lost. I don't know how to take him anymore. My son asked him if he was ever coming back home in our meeting and he said I dont know maybe and maybe not but right now no. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

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Oh....did I mention....patience....patience....patience???

I used to be the most impatient person....I learned very quickly that when dealing with a WAS or a H in MLC you had better learn to be patient and quick....

I started with my kids...less yelling and more listening...no matter how tired I was or how long my day had been (I drive a school bus so by the end of my day I am tired of "little" voices in my head, lol)

Then it was stranger....you know when someone cuts you off in traffic...be nice about it...if a waitress seems rude to you just figure her day must be crappier then yours....

Eventually a NEW YOU will begin to emerge....and this will help in your marriage....


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LOL. I AM so impatient! I really am. That is a BIG problem of mine. BTW??? What is "WAS?" and "MLC?"
My kids are the reason I am getting through this right now. I dont yell at them. (I too work w/ kids. Grades 3-5, I am a computer Teacher) But I hear ya about the "little" voices, LOL. And BOY do I know about the traffic thing. This lady was going slow and I was SCREAMING at her, LOL. I am a catholic Italian NY woman, lets just say, um, I really need to break out the LARGE rosarie beads and attend confession a LOT this week, LOL. :X oops potty mouth. Its funny because I am always the one telling an unhappy person to smile, or someone upset to let me help them, etc... I am always the one saying .. maybe that person is having a bad day thats why they are sad or mad. And let me tell you, during THIS time, I so know who my friends are!!!!! TY for being so kind to me "imLIN"

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WAS= Walk away spouse
MLC= Mid-life crisis.....don't let the title fool you....as this can occur earlier or later then ACTUAL mid-life

Italian NY....say no more as my neighbor growing up was an Italian NYorker....and I have several Italian friends....you can really use that to your advantage you know....because generally outspoken people really do have a golden heart....I am a Hienz 57 but tend to run on the emotional side....but my feelings get hurt when I find out I have hurt someone else's feelings....

So....Teach...your lesson for the rest of your life is PATIENCE!...you are going to shock everyone with your patience...you are going to become the most wonderul person for anyone to be around....so much so that everyone will want to be around you....maybe even H!


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I hope one day he comes back. He is on such a roller coaster right now. I am so used to doing doing doing for him and he isn't here and doesn't want me doing for him. It hurts. But then like tonight. I knew he was hungry and I made him a plate and put a mouthful of the fork in his mouth and he gobbled it all up asking me to sit @ the table with him. 1 minute he is fine, the next he snaps! I really feel bad for him, but then again, I was brought up to make the world smile. I have been forgetting about myself.

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Hold on to that hope....you will need it for this roaler coaster ride...

I was also a "doer" in the marriage....I couldn't even believe that he could exist without me to make his coffee, meals, do laundry, etc....how wrong I was....and how unhealthy that all was for us both...things are different this time around...I am learning that I do not have to be in control of everything and it is OK if I let someone make a mistake!

Sound familiar???


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