I want to thank you so much for everything. I am trying so hard get through this but it seems every time I think is getting better i'm hit with another surpise. I really thought he would wait for a while but he is in a rush to get it over. How can we not mean anything to him, all those years and he said he was only there for the last couple of years because of this kids. Wow, and this has nothing to do with her. I feel like a old rag that there is no use for any more. Rainbowlove I hope everything works out for you and Rosy Time thanks you for responding to me. I hope thing work out how you want them too. I feel like i'm in a nightmare.
Hope, Please read my story under "I need help" I am 8 wks into my seperation and my H is with OW...says there is no chance for us he is not in love with me anymore...been unhappy for 8 months. My issue is being able to accept the fact that he can dump me and the kids for OW that fast!! He is refusing to talk to me...I went to L just to know my rights...stupid me told him and now he is going on Thurs...I do not want him to file...meanwhile he only took enough clothes for work when he left and I still have control of all the finances...What kind of message is he sending to me??? I need advice on going dark because I don't think I am doing it right! I wish you luck!
momof2girls, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can only tell you what everyone tells me, BE STRONG. This is one of the hardest things to do but if you show you are moving on he will notice and think. My husband wants a divorce. I said no at first and then we talked I told him I still loved him but I can't make him stay with me and said ok. I however do have options and he went to see an L and I’m telling him I am also going to see a L. I can tell you he will not be expecting that. He thinks he is going to call all the shot and that is not happening anymore. I have had a wake up call and am taking me my life back. I don't know what is right and everyone is different. I seek help all the time so that I might still be able to save my marriage. I wish you luck too!
Thanks Hope, I am really trying to be strong but my world is totally shattered. I do not deserve what is happening to me...blame, blame, blame I really wish he would think straight as to what is at stake here...he's only thinking about himself and the OW...puts her before his children You stay strong to your beliefs and fight for your own rights. Do you have any children?? I just keep trying to do what is best for them!
Hope.....yes your marriage can be saved....my story was very bleak....but after 2 years of DB I really feel that now we are going to make it after all...
Yes we had a long term marriage....yes he had an affair....yes he told me it was over.....told me he didn't love me anymore...even said he had not loved me for 10 years or longer!!!
So as bad as things look and as hard as they are going to be for a while...it doesn't mean it is over....read all you can here.... you will find the support you need and advice that works....
inLIN My husband doesn't live with me and he asked for a divorce. How can I save my marriage? He really just seems to want it over and I don't know how much longer I can go on. I haven't had any companionship since last May. He was already talking to this OW for two months and and it went on till the being of July when I found out about it. We have three children together. They are 13,10 and 4 years old. They all have broken hearts over this,but he still is very involved with them. It's so hard seeing him everyday and see this OW just about everyday. Our daughters are the same age and are friends.They place sports together.I'm not sure how long a it takes getting a divorce started, but I know I am not ready yet. I want to make sure everything is good for the kids and myself first. I don't really care what he wants. I just want peace. Two years is a long time and I don't know if he deserves a second chance if it takes him two years to come around. Maybe I should just call it quits and give up.I'm not sure it's worth all the hurt and pain. Thanks
Well my husband didn't live with me either....once he made the decision to go to the OW after having an EA for about 4 months previous to this....he walked out in the middle of the night so he didn't have to face the kids or my family....only me...
All I know is that in my case....things didn't look good....H was sure he never would live with me again....OW or not....he was done....
I can say that I am happy that I was able to stand the test of time so that when he did think about coming back and trying again I was still around....
Not to say I didn't hurt, suffer, and felt miserable for a long time....I greived the loss of my marriage....I worked on me being a better person and mom....and eventually I felt peace.... I don't think that would have come any sooner had I given totally up and divorced H or not....I think it was a necessary process that I needed to go through in order to heal and rebuild myself....
I really feel for you! Please read my situation under "I need Help" imLin gives great advice. I feel lonely and my H is involved with OW...I am hurting myself to try to figure out what he is doing at every moment. He is not being overly involved with my kids (D4. D11 months) I am also his 2nd wife...seems like he has fallen into the same patterns he has with his xW. My H left on 12/15/06 we have fought, I have begged, pleaded, cried and now I am really trying to just talk to him when I have to with no anomosity in my voice. I feel like my life is falling apart... I am here to support you anyway I can.
Hope, Is your H still involved with OW?? Mine is...currently living with his parents and tells them he is not coming home at night...staying at a "friends"
Ladies, when you feel like you need to talk to them but are angry, etc., please back away from that urge and give them space and then give yourself some quality space. If your past arguments all were about arguing and a battle of wills, you won't get anywhere right now anyways. Please read some books on communicating with men and about seperations. A few that I've picked up are:
The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman The Five Ways to Apologize, Gary Chapman Breaking the Communication Barrier,???
There are so many books out there. Please, also get the Divorce Remedy and the Divorce Busters books and read those too. They will help you gain insight as to what is happening and make you feel stronger and more prepared for when you do have those "talks" with your H's.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
