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Well my husband went to see another lawyer and he said it would cost no more than $600 to get a divorce in 90 days. He will sign a paper giving me owner ship of the house and the money to make the mortgage payments and that would be considered my child support. I said I am also going to talk to a lawyer and that I will not be signing any thing any time soon! I am not comfortable with all this and I need to make sure that the children and I are take care of. He was telling how he need to have a place to his own and he can't live on 500 a month, I said well not my problem and you should have thought about that before you did this! I said I do not care about you or her I am doing what's right by the kids and me. I am for the first time going what I feel and not what everyone else say I should do. This felt good to say this to him and I also said I did not like that he was bulling by saying do you want to spending $$ on lawyers if I did sign what he wanted. I don't have to do anything for 2 years and there nothing he can do about it.I do believe he was surprised by this. He thought I was just going to sign and say ok. NOT! He said he was getting a second job and I said what happened to that. He said he wasn't doing that until the weather was better.He doesn't want to work a second job and he knows it. I told him I don't trust me everything for the last 9 months has been one lie after another. He claims he is not sleeping with her because he still has issues in that department.
I said I don't believe you. Is this the end? Do I let him go at this point? Help please!

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Ouch!! Tough conversation but I am glad you stood up for yourself and the kids! DON'T do anything you don't want too! If you want to wait two years than do it!!
It is not the end until we make it the end! My advice would be not to talk to him again until he initiates it! As far as OW (my major problem right now!!My H told me the other day he is sleeping with OW)) don't let it bother you...all the statistics show that it will not last!! Make your R your focus and if you decide you no longer want it, I will support any decisions you make.

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This is not the end....you yourself stated that you don't have to do anything for 2 years....So what if he says he is done, doesn't want to be married to you anymore....ever....my H said the same thing....and within 2 years was home making it work!!!

2 years gives you a lot of time....I would also recommend not initiating conversation....if and when he does then be polite and to the point....if he asks again for a D....just state that you don't want one....that your focus is the FAMILY and right now you are not ready to let it all go in the toilet. He can do what he wants but you are staying right where you are until YOU are ready to do something different!

Lies are something that he will use for now...I know it seems impossible to trust again after such devistation.....but it is....I know because I am beginning to feel that trust return... I think it is in part because I never really lost the love I had for my husband....he is not exactly the same man I married but he is a much better man then he was in his MLC....and I am learning to feel comfortable with him...


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imLIN
I am scared that this is the end and I really don't want it to be. Is this part of what they go threw? I try and take it one day at a time. I also am moving on making a better life for me and the kids. I hope and pray everyday to god that he will help my husband return to us. All I want is a second chance to make a new love,marriage and family life for us. I said this to him and I said he never gave us a second chance. He thinks he did but he didn't. He also said he thinks about the kids and I don't think that is true either. Can he change him mind? I know the book said no matter how dark you think it is there is still a chance. Do you believe I have one? I really hope so.Thanks

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I can tell you that for along time I saw NO HOPE in my situation....at times I felt like giving up what HOPE I had....I am glad now that I didn't.....it takes time....a lot of time....for the MLC'er to figure things out....it is hard to tell what they really think about and what they just say they think about....I do know that my H has disclosed that he WAS NOT happy when he was gone....that he felt extreme guilt over the pain he was causing but he was caught in a mixture of emotions that he needed to sort out....ON HIS OWN

All I wanted was a second chance....in the beginning I didn't understand why I would have to wait so long for that chance....now I totally understand....and someday you will too...no matter what the outcome is....and you will handle things much differently then you would if given that chance now.....as cruel as it sounds and feels it really is best that the MLC'er stays away and works on themself....while the LBS's really really take the time to better themself as well...then when and if a reuniting takes place both are stronger and better able to work things out in a more positive way....

I learned so much about myself during this time....it was the first time in my life that I didn't live with my parents or my husband....It was me and the kids against the world....and we did it....this made me feel so much better then if H would have come home just because I NEEDED him to....I excepted him back because I WANTED to....this makes a huge difference...


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This isn't all just a MLC is also from alot of fighting and rejection threw the last several years. Can he over come all of that and see we can have a new wonderful life and marriage again. We see other everyday because of the kids. You would never know there was anything wrong with us and I think that's why I have a hard time thinking he will come back. I even wonder
if he thinks about us at all. I really don't think he does,his focus his on her and move on with his life. This really hurts and his mom really isn't sure he will return either. So my marriage issues I feel are at the worse. Can he over come all the hurt and pain we both have done to our marriage. Please help.
Thanks!

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All of that still plays into MLC...."normal" couples can have fights and rejections but then get over it....you said the last several years....this could still be in the time frame of when his MLC was beginning....the beginning isn't usually the "BOMB"...it starts way before that....


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hope,
I understand...I feel like my situation is getting worse too. H is nice to me one minute and then I don't hear from him for days.
Supposed to take D's tonight but I haven't heard from him and I am not sure if I should call or just wait and see what happens??
HELP
My H really dropped the bomb...I had no idea we were having any problems at all...I almost wish I had seen it coming maybe it would be easier. All I can say to you is keep up the "as if" ...my mil is lost too, she has no idea what is going to happen in the beginning she thought this would blow over now she is not sure either...it hurts when even their own mother can't understand. My H doesn't even really talk to her about things he just "OK's" her to death...I am very anxious and frustrated today!

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It is way too soon for either of you to really KNOW what your H's are going to do....

Also, if you really really look back you will see the "problems"....I know for the longest time I was in denial because none of it was worth leaving the family over....BUT...you combine this with the fact that they are having an internal crisis and all those "problems" get amplified to disproportionate size....and thus you enter MLC'ville....

And finally.....get used to UNRELIABILITY....they will miss dates, important events, things that even THEY arrange....all part of the "illness"....

Sorry to make it sound so gloomy....but the good news is that my H did all of this and more.....yet we are back together!!!


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Look at my I need help part 2 thread...I really need help!

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