My husband and I have been together for 17 years going on 14 married and we have three children. We separated for weeks ago after he finally confessed being in love with someone else. This woman was a friend and also going threw a bad marriage. We have had our problems, fighting, anger, rejection and he not helping out at home. He also blames me for the finance issue as well. Last year was the worst; I was depressed and wanted to leave. I slept on the couch for several weeks and he would ask me to come to bed and I just ignored him. Then I found out he was talking to this other women none stop from morning till the time he would get home. He said that he did not have Feelings for her. We went to counseling and he became distant and wanted nothing to do with it. Things did not get better but we could talk and be nice to each other. He said he didn't have feelings fro me and was in love with when the started talking again in Nov...I felt like someone ripped my heart out. He also did not have any sex for 7 month and I said was he sleeping with her, he said no I am still having problems with that. I don't believe him. My mother in law said he is going threw a mid life crisis. I am so confused on all this. If anyone can help please do. Thanks
Hope, you and I are in the same boat. Alot of what you said, my H has said to me. My H is having an EA at work with old OW that he cheated on me with before we got married. My H doesn't want to fix things now but is scared of starting a new life without me. I am trying to be patient and pray that he will see the grass is not greener on the other side. Sex was always an issue between us; most recently actually but since he left, we've been having amazing sex so it was just a cover for the underlining issues. I'm not sure if my H is going through a MLC or not. He says he isn't but his dad just died in Oct so I believe that has something to do with it. I would tell you to buy the books, read everything you can on this forum and then find sitchs that are similar to yours. Keep your chin up and don't dwell on the past but focus on yourself and make changes to yourself that you've always wanted to do. Keep me updated.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I have the book and have read it serveral times. My husband is coming over night to talk about things that we have issues with. I am angry and so is he, I just hope we can talk and not fight. I hate this he said we never talked and I said I did you never listened.I wish this was 6 months from now so at least all this hurt and anger would be gone. I am moving on with my life and what ever happens well that's up to God.It all seems hopeless for us and I am not sure how much more I can do to try and make it right. He keeps bringing up the past and I keep asking I can not change the past only make the future better.Please give any input anyone can. Thanks
I know it seems hopeless but let me ask you one thing. Can you trust him right now? If not, then don't try. I can tell you one of our biggest mistakes was getting back together too soon after my H cheated on me. He as my fiance then though but it didn't matter. I pursued him and I think he came back to me out of guilt or so he says now. Try and keep it calm and cool between you and him tonight. Listen and let him do all the talking. Who initiated the meeting? Validate everything he says; he's feelings, etc. Don't get angry or cry or anything. Try your best to act emotionless. You have to pull apart from that but it is so hard I know. Make this into the talk you guys never had before so that you walk away from it feeling closer than ever. If you don't, it will do more harm than good. good luck and keep me updated!
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I asked him to come over after he called me this morning. He was angry about our 13 year old spending the night and she had asked if she could go to her friends I said we'll see. He is mad because she has only sayed one night with him in 5 weeks. I said I am not fighting with her to go and if you want her then you need to atke action. I said I did not appericate him jumping on me about this and that he has been rude to me and I have done nothing to deserve it. He then said last night at one of this board meeting people were asking all kind of question and knew things that they should not have. I said well then I guess your girl friend should not have called our friends stating that your are divorcing me and then you two will date,our marriage has been over for long time. I said that was news to me and they both said things about me and again he can't let go of the anger from the past. I'm not saying I wasn't unhappy but he makes it all sound unhappy. If walk away he will be sorry not I will never let him back in to hurt me and our three children. I know I deserve some of this because of how I was to him but I didn't get that way for no reason.He just never see his faults and I wonder if he will.I said to him what goes around comes around. Thanks
hope, I'm sorry he said this. I'll be back later to talk some more. Keep your chin up and try to be strong. I was where you were 4 weeks ago so don't give up just yet if you don't want to.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I'm not sure what else I can do. I told him that I did't want a divorce and I wanted us to have a new love, he said he is done and there is nothing there to give. He wants this over and I think there is no miricale that will change his mind. I think there has been to much damage and he doesn't want it to work.He also said he loves this other women. I have no choice and I now have to accept this. Thanks
yes, you do have to accept it but realize that only time and patience will change things, whether you get back together or not. Read everything you can get your hands on about MLC, Affairs, etc. but most importantly, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! DO THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO! Have you felt unhappy too for some reason? It may take months to figure out why. I'm on week five and I still can't figure it out; the lightbulb hasn't come on yet but hopefully soon! Detach yourself from him. If he is going to be with OW, then he will and you can't control it. The first thing I did was I had to realize that I can't control his feelings or his actions right now and so you have to come to those terms in order to find some peace for you not to go crazy in the meantime. Sending you a great big HUG! This is going to be quite the rollercoaster ride but at my 5 weeks in, it does get better I can assure you.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
yes, you do have to accept it but realize that only time and patience will change things, whether you get back together or not. Read everything you can get your hands on about MLC, Affairs, etc. but most importantly, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! DO THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO! Have you felt unhappy too for some reason? It may take months to figure out why. I'm on week five and I still can't figure it out; the lightbulb hasn't come on yet but hopefully soon! Detach yourself from him. If he is going to be with OW, then he will and you can't control it. The first thing I did was I had to realize that I can't control his feelings or his actions right now and so you have to come to those terms in order to find some peace for you not to go crazy in the meantime. Sending you a great big HUG! This is going to be quite the rollercoaster ride but at my 5 weeks in, it does get better I can assure you.
Listen to Rosy Times. She's right. Figure yourself out first. FOCUS ON YOU! This is very very important. Discover yourself and your dreams and know that you don't NEED H in your life. You are beauty, light, power, compassion yourself. Your heart and soul holds all of that! Find that person within you that is happy, confident and loving towards all. Flirt, be friendly to all those around you. H will not help but notice.
Become mysterious, strong and positive force to all those around you!
love and hugs rainbowlove ------------------------ JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
