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#909594 01/29/07 09:44 PM
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I thought maybe it would be best to start a second "Moving Forward" thread.

It's been awhile since I last posted on the old thread, but there is still much to share and learn from others about moving forward.

One of the biggest fears we have is change. We get comfortable in our daily life and set patterns that have been created over many years.

Our spouses MLC creates shock to our senses and brings up all of our buried fears. For me, the fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved, fear of fear itself was what rose to the surface when my XW dropped the bomb.

In long term marriages we become very complacent in our interactions with our spouse. Our lives have become very routine and predictable.

When our MLC spouse announces they are unhappy and want a seperation or divorce, it is like getting sucker punched. We never saw it coming.

We believed that marriage was forever, and didn't give mcuh thought of things being any different.

The world we live in today is, "expect the unexspected." As you may have noticed, there are many changes occuring throughout the world at what seems like the speed of light. Well maybe not that fast, but it does seem as if things are changing everyday and quickly.

The "information age" is bringing about changes in the way we live and our beliefs about life, marriage and relationships.

Change is occuring whether we are ready for it or not.

A recent message from Hazelden talks about change.

Today's thought:

"The reality is that changes are coming ...They must come. You must share in bringing them."
John Hersey

"Change. It's scary. It's hard. It's needed. Sometimes it feels good; other times it feels bad. But one thing is for sure: it keeps on happening.

Just when our life seems settled, it changes. We can't stop life. We can't stay this age for ever. The world changes. Life moves on. There are always new things to do and learn.

Change means we're always beginners in some ways. We need to ask for wisdom and courage. We get it by listening, br praying, by meditating. When we ask, our Higher Power will teach us to be part of good changes."

Prayer of the Day
Higher Power, help me believe that Your plans call for good changes.

Action for the Day
Today I'll think about the changes in my life. I've lived through a lot. I'll be okay when more changes come, with God's help. I can keep growing.

This message came from the book, "Keep it Simple" by Anonymous.

Yesterday was the 53rd anniversary of my being born into the world. My children and grandchildren were over to celebrate and enjoy each others company. My granchildren bring pure joy.

During my life journey I have experienced many changes. All were for the best, even though they seemed like bad changes at the time.

My divorce has worked out to be a very good change for me, even though it brought up all of my fears. What it has done is helped me to face my fears and learn what they are all about.

I'm still working on them, and probably will until the day comes for me to return home. That is how it probably should be.

We are here to learn the lessons that are intended for each of us. We continue to have the same experiences, sometimes with different people, over and over until we finally learn the lessson we are supposed to learn.

For some of us, especially me, we have to repeat the tough experiences over many times before we finally "get it." I seem to learn better by attending the "school of hard knocks."

My second marriage has brought up the same issues I had in my first. The issues are not within my new wife, but within me. Changing spouses does not make the old issues go away.

Your MLC spouse has believed that their new OW/Om is their "soul mate" and there old issues have dissapeared. Trust me, it's just a matter of time before your spouses issues will resurface their ugly head again.

Learn to be open to change and welcome it as part of your growth.

Love,
Paul


Last edited by M Go Blue; 01/29/07 09:46 PM.

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Hello to all who wish to share and learn.

Please post about any lessons you have learned while going through the experience of your spouses MLC.

My beliefs have changed dramatically over the years, and especially since the seperation with my xw.

What I have come to understand and believe is this; "By the choices we make, we create our own reality."

I've learned to stop blaming others for my problems. Why? Because I have finally realized that I have played a big role in creating them. Through my thoughts, my behaviors, my attitude and my actions I create the world in which I live.

If I don't like where I am at in life, all I need to do is begin changing my thinking, my behaviors, my attitude and my actions. Over time, my world will begin to change. What is required is PATIENCE and PERSEVERANCE.

I've also thrown in a little PROZAC to help me.

There are no magic bullets or quick fixes to the problems we have been a part of creating for 10, 20, 30 years or longer during our marriage. To bring about positive, and long lasting changes for the good will take time and perseverance.

What I have learned is that I cannot change or fix others. Especially my XW. As much as I tried, I finally had to "let go."

My attempts to find the solution to my XW's MLC problems only led to great FRUSTRATION and DISSAPOINTMENT.

My belief is that the lesson for me in dealing with my XW was to learn to "let go and let God."

When I finally discovered this truth, my life changed for the better. Becoming un-stuck from trying to save my marriage, and turning my attention to myself and my own spirituality, opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities.

What beliefs have all of you held onto?

What beliefs don't seem to work anymore?

What beliefs have you outgrown?

What beliefs are you beginning to question?

What beliefs keep you stuck from "moving forward?"

Today's gift from Hazelden on January 25th is very enlightening.

Today's thought is;

Dissapointment and Frustration

"Many of us, whether we are conscious of it or not, create much of the unhappiness we experience. Our dissapointments are the result of our own negative or limited thoughts about ourselves and our world. What are some of those limiting thoughts, those subconscious beliefs, which keep us from experiencing joy and wholeness?

One of those beliefs is that we cannot be fulfilled unless we are loved and accepted by those who are the victims of our past experiences, that we are too old or too set in our ways to change. Still another false idea is "It's a catastrophe if things don't go my way!" Then, too, there's the self-defeating attitude that to love is to lose, so I'd better prepare for the worst to happen because it will.

Two more irrational beliefs are, I have no control over my happiness and I want life to be easy and without hassles; therefore, I'll avoid discomfort or any new committments.

TODAY I will see each disappointment in my life as a challenge to discover the negative or limited beliefs which keep me from seeing myself as a person of unlimited resources and potential."

Today's thought comes from the book, "The Reflecting Pond" by Liane Cordes.

I think many people believe that if they fail to get their spouse back from MLC land they are a failure. This is the furthest thing from the truth.

In life, there are no failures. Only learning experiences. I have learned the most from experiences that most people would consider as failures.

Everyday is a new opportunity to "begin anew." As long as you keep getting up every morning, you cannot fail. Failure is not an option.

If the door closes on your current marriage, there are unlimited possibilities for a new door opening in the future.

There are over 6 billion human beings on earth. If you lose your spouse to divorce, that leaves you with 6 billion more possibilites in finding a new soul mate. I think the odds are pretty good in finding someone to love you and enjoy life and all it has to offer.

So what are your beliefs that might be holding you back? What are your fears about change?

Love,
Paul


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Hey Paul!

Where did you go? I finally understand what I am going through... I am dealing with supressed emotions. I couldn't figure out why I had been feeling just fine, then only turn around the very next day and feel overwhelmed, anxious,and tearful. It's taken me a long time to allow myself to surrender to my emotions while allowing them to flow, and maybe the reason I am just now dealing with all those emotions I suppressed from several different years through out my life.

From what I've been reading and trying to understand, in order to become whole, we need to "cleanse" ourselves of these suppressed emotions too. Don't know if it is true or not, but it did make sense to me.

I'm just wondering how much longer it will last? There could be decades of emotional quagmire built up within my heart and soul. Heck, if I knew this was going to happen this way, I would have bought shares in Kleenex!

I came across a nice website while in search of information for what I had been experiencing. For a while now, I've been worried my gentics had caught up with me, and I was turning into my Mother. No, it wasn't a nice revelation to say the least. However, there were a few key factors I realized I was missing, hence the search.

Anyway, take a look, I hope you enjoy.

http://www.breathwork.com.au/articles.htm

God Bless

Love,

Laughing


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I'm glad you are coming to an understanding of what you are going through. When you reach a level of higher consciousness, everything begins to make sense.

I believe we all are dealing with surpressed emotions, whether we are conscious of it or not.

The emotions we are feeling while dealing with our MLC spouse are the same emotions we felt when we were children. The emotions, the feelings are the same.

Much of what we experienced and felt as children is buried within us. For the MLC spouse, these emotions have come to the surface and are very raw. These emotions and feelings are causing them great pain.

The reason for them running away is their attempt to avoid the pain and thinking by running away it will disapear. Reality is, it will not.

This pain will folow them for the rest of their life, until they face it head on. They can not drown it in alcohol, smother it with food, lessen it's grip on them by shopping, gambling working more hours or having sex. These are simply "drugs of choice" which the MLC spouse believes is the answer to heal their pain.

You to have emotional pain from the past, just as all LBS do. Most LBS think the issues are with their MLC spouse. The truth is, the issues and emotional pain from the past are within them as well as their husband or wife.

I realize I am no different than my XW or my current wife. Each of us have our own bagage from the past. The issues for most of us are much the same.

As children, we often did not get our NEEDS met. We felt rejected, abandoned, alone, not good enough, unloved and many other negative emotions on some level. Some of us experienced these emotions and feelings on a very high level as our parents were either alcoholics or had other addicitions. Every family was dysfunctional to some degree.

Our parents, and their parents before them did not know how to deal with their emotions and feelings. We've never been given the guidebook to dealing with human emotions and human interaction.

All most of us had was what was past down from previous generations through outdated and misunderstood beliefs. We believed these understandings of our emotions and learned to supress them and not face them head on.

Why did we do this? Fear and doubt. It is the world we came from and have lived in for far to long.

The new world in whcih we are evolving is filled with love and trust. That is what has been missing all these years.

Today's world is still filled with fear and doubt. Fear and doubt are very powerful and are used by people to control others.

Fear and doubt is what "external power" thrives on in controlling and manipulating others to get the outcome one wants.

External power no longer works. It is being faced by great resisteance worldwide. The uprisings we see across the world are all about people fighting back from being manipulated and controled.

The people of the world are going through their own MLC individually and collectively.

The whole world is going through a major transformation or conscious awakening. The United States is meeting major resistance in all parts of the world by our attempt of external power by means of manipulation and control of others to get the outcome we want. We believe we are 'right" and know what others want and need. What others want is to be understood, to be listened to, to be respected, to be valued and appreciated as important, to be allowed to have their own beliefs even if they differ from others.

These are the sdame needs of our MLC spouses.
The world is speaking up just like our MLC spouses and saying "No more." Our MLC spouses are fighting back to be heard, listened to, validated for their feelings and trying to gain respect for themselves.

The pain is so deep and strong that people are acting out towards others to heal the pain that is within them. Our MLC spouses are known for acting out with their words and behaviors that hurt us in their attempt to heal their pain.

They believe, subconsciously and maybe consciously, that in order to lessen their pain they need to cause pain in others. It initially makes them feel better, but eventually they realize that by hurting someone else, they are actually hurting themselves as well.

We are all connected. What I do to others I am doing to myself. What goes around comes around. Sound familiar?

What we project, is what's returned to us. If we project anger, than ager comes back to us. If we project love, than love comes back to us.

As we give, therefore we shall recieve. It is a universal truth that can be seen and used in all aspects of our lives. The more I give, the more I recieve.

My love that I project to others comes back to me tenfold. For me to experience love from others, I first have to give love to others. You can not recieve what you do not first give.

We withold love from people when they don't meet our needs or expectations and then complain when they don't love us back.

When the MLC spouse drops the bomb on us we are in shock. After the shock wears off we enter into anger and resentment. Projecting our anger and resentment towards our MLC spouse only brings more of the same.

I know this to be true from my own experience. It took me a long time to realize that my anger and resentment towards my XW was like putting gasoline on the fire. Around and around we went, each one of us trying to control the other.

I have a lifetime of built up emotions that have needed releasing. It is a continual journey to heal ones soul. Baby steps right.

Their is no quick fix to our problems. Why? Because they are not problems, they are opportunities for learning, growing and evolving. And that is what life is all about.

I hope you continue to learn, grow and evolve to have the full life experience in which God intended for us. Our experiences are not a mistake. There are no mistakes, only opportunties to experience the things in whcih we can learn the lessons we are suppose to learn.

Does this make sense?

Love,
Paul


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Yes Paul, it all makes perfect sense to me.

Fear has been a way of manipulating people from the dawn of time. I was told by a very intelligent, lovely lady, that fear was the tool used by Satan. It was his way to usurp hope. Without hope, we often succumb to fear. From my experiences, living with fear has been hell. I've also been told most of our anger comes from fear, the fear of being hurt, rejected, ignored, embarrassed, used, betrayed, etc. all those feelings we learn or perceive early in childhood.

So it seems, most of us arrive at midlife, with our childhood or life's baggage in tow. As almost to split the population, one segment faulters to fear, and runs from reality, while the other seems to reach out to hope, faces reality head on. Holding on their hope, they find their true selves, and are rewarded with peace and understanding, much earlier than those who choose to run.

Hmmmm, I have a lot to think about.... but first, I am a chaparone at the 8th grade dance this evening, I must prepare!

Take care of you, God Bless you and your family.

Love,

Laughing


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My We are What we Are thread has been locked so I thought I would bring this one back to the top and continue on with "Moving Forward II."

angelica

I wanted to answer your questions from my locked thread.

I had posted; "There are so few MLC spouses that have returned to their marriages, and the ones that have, I highly question if they are really working on healing themselves or that they returned our of feelings of guilt and shame."

Your question;
"Could you let me know where you got your stats on this?"

I have no statistics to share. This is something that I feel, with no proof to back it up. When I say so few MLC spouses have returned home, I'm referring to what I have seen on this board since 1999.

If you look at those listed under the "Success Stories" of Midlife Crisis forum, you will see there is a small number compared to the number of LBS who have posted hear over the last 7+ years that I have been involved with posting.

Of those who have returned home, we don't know how their relationship is going today, nor do we know if their spouse will not have further issues down the road. The same issues he or she had during their MLC.

My refernce to MLC and Addicitions is that the person going through a MLC has some form of an addiction. It may ne alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, OW/OM or what ever they have chosen as their "drug of choice."

I have no formal training in physchology, counseling nor do I have a college degree. I am a remodeling contractor.

That being said, I am probably not professionaly qualified to speak on the subject of addictions, relationships, human behaviors, emotional issues, depression, affairs, Mid Life Crisis or any of the many topics I speak to.

I've lived on this planet for 53 years and have had many personal life experiences in the areas I listed above. I've been seeking counseling for over 15 years and have read numerous books on Affairs, Depression, Mid Life Transitions, Divorce, Marriage Relationships, Spirituality, Emotional Awareness, Self-Help.

I am no expert. I only share what I believe to be true for me. It is what resinates inside of me. All of what I read I don't agree with.

Much of what I have believed in the past is no longer true for me today. I do not hang onto my beliefs. They are forever changing.

What I share comes from within me. It is what works for me in understanding life and why I have experienced all the things I have, and all the things that I will in the future.

I am continually becoming spiritually awakened. My emotional, physical and spiritual parts of who I am are becoming more sensitive to everything around me. My conscious awareness has increased ten fold over the last 7+ years.

I believe that everything is connected. MLC, addictions, depression as well as other human conditions are connected at some level. There is more similarities then there are differences in my humbled opinion.

I would love to hear about your experiences with addicts and what you ahve come to learn. By sharing, you can enlighten me to many things I probably am not aware of.

I look forward to hearing back from you, Angelica.

Love,
Paul


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Paul - thanks for your post. I am not sure that these boards are a particularly good statistical basis for a number of reasons.

1. It represents quite a small proportion of people in MLC, and it may not be a representative sample in itself.
2. The 'success stories' threads in themselves are non indicative - I have been on these boards long enough to have seen some reconcilations, and also posts from people who have reconciled, and come back briefly to say all is well. Their stories are not in the 'success stories' threads that I have seen.
3. Many of the people who are on the boards a long time have particularly obdurate MLC spouses or they divorce, but contiue to post for a variety of reasons - so once again people posting here are not representative of all MLC.
4. I have friends who have been particularly supportive who have been through this, and got back together. I have to say they are either faking it, or they are extremely happy. Again, not a representative sample, but some indication that it is certainly possible to have a MLC, and rebuild a marriage.

Now I am not saying that we should cling on to false hope, but equally, there is some evidence that a fair few people come out of this MLC and rebuild their lives. Equally, some, perhaps many, clearly don't. The fact is, we don't know, and so for any of us to talk with authority on this is misleading. You may well be right. My best guess is that quite a few get back together, some successfully, others less so. Much, I suspect, depends on the quality of the marriage previous to the MLC.

I am seeing a therapist who does beleive that there is such a thing as MLC, which occurs for a variety of reasons, and which people can and do come out of, though often not without professional help. [Although cynically I suppose he would say that!].

I enoy your posts, and wish that there was more systematic study of MLC, rather than the anecdotal material that we all tend to peddle, mainly because there is little else to go on.

Angelica

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I, like Angelica, love to read your posts and gain much knowledge from them. I would like to add to the post about the number of MLCers that reconcile. I come from a small town of about 700. Of course, there are more people in the rural area.

S20's best friend's parents were divorced for 2 years and remarried. They have been remarried for 2 years. In a couple of weeks they will be going out to celebrate the anniversary of the first time they met 25 years ago. The wife told me that this was H's suggestion and he had never made that day important before. They tell me they are happier than they have ever been. She is the one that went through the MLC and said that the day their D was final, she could not stop crying. She was in a R with another man and one day realized that she still loved her H and was making the biggest mistake of her life. She said they needed this to happen. She told me that the only thing that she regretted was hurting the man that she got involved with and hurting her H and children.

S17's basketball coach's (from freshman year)wife heard about H and I. She took me aside at a basketball game and told me not to give up. She and her husband had separated because of some abuse issues. She went through some MLC issues after she left him. He had attended counseling and did everything he could to deal with his problems but she refused to reunite with him. They were D and he didn't give up for a long time. She got involved with another man after they were D and was engaged to be married. Her fiance had everything she thought she deserved, big house, nice cars, toys, lots of money, loved her daughters, treated her like a queen. She was at her XH's home to pick up her daughters because her X was working, the phone rang and daughter said please get that. She answered the phone and the female voice on the other end asked is X was there. She said something in the tone of this females voice said that she was seriously interested in her X. She said all she could think of for days was that H was going to get involved with someone else and he would be gone from her forever. A few days later, she broke her engagement and asked her X if they could try again. They have been remarried for 2 or 3 years and they have never been happier in their lives. She said they are truly partners and are totally in love with each other.

Another friend I met through a mutual friend and sporting events our Ss was separated from her H for two years. He suddenly didn't want to be married anymore, was not in love with her anymore, etc. He had another woman, lived with her, spent tons of money on her. They had two sons and they were young but they had married in their twenties and didn't have children until they were in their early thirties. She prayed and prayed, worked on herself, and two years later, H came home and they have been happy as newlyweds. They have improved their R and he is so glad that she stood for their marriage.

I guess my point is that not one of them had heard of this site, or MLC for that matter. I think their are many more success stories than we know as there are many more cases of MLC than we know of.

We have no way of knowing which marriages with be successful no more than we know who will experience a MLC. The point is that each of us have to decide for ourselves when enough is enough and we all have to work on ourselves during this journey and hope that our MLCers will work on themselves.


Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
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angelica

No, there are not statistics on MLC divorces or reconciliations that I'm aware of. But there is statistics on marriage and divorce.

Not every therapist agrees that there is such a thing as MLC. What I believe is that there are different degrees of mid life transitions. Some people go through the midlife transition smoothly without any problems. Some have struggles with aging, looking older, not being able to do all the things they used to do, not achieving all that they thought they would have at this age and other dissapointments of accomplishment.

Then there are those who struggled with life tansitions since childhood. At each major stage of growth and transition they had issues. At each stage the struggle gets harder and when they reach the midlife transition stage all hell breaks lose.

This group is what I consider having a MLC. All others are simply struggling with getting older and losing their youth.

A MLC person has core issues that go back to their childhood. A recent study has shown that teenagers who strugle with life at that stage of development, had insecurity issues by the time they were one year old.

A MLC person has issues with who they are. Many of MLC males are "Silent Sons."

People in MLC are very selfish. They are focused on getting what they want, what they deserve or are entitled to. They feel that they have given all of their life and not gotten their needs met. Now at mid life, they decide it's time they took control of their life and take care of themselves and to hell with everyone else.

This selfishness comes from their insecurity with themselves.

I do believe in all possibilities. I was a strong believer that everyone who told me my XW was moving on and not coming back, was wrong. I thought my marriage was different. I believed I could fix her and change our relationship. I believed that if I wanted it bad enough and focused all my energy on working to get my wife back, it would eventually happen. I believed if it was to be it was up to me. I believed I had the power within me to control things that were external of me.

I read every book I could get my hands on seeking the answer to MLC and how to cure this disease. Back then I thought it was a disease. Now, I believe it is a natural part of life. It's not a pleasant part of life, but it does occur for a reason.

I believe my Xw did try to connect in her own way. I didn't realize it at the time. When she did make contact, I was already involved with my current wife and had moved on with my life. Had I not been involved with someone new, maybe we would have gotten back togehter. Maybe the only reason she tried to connect was that she felt she was really losing me. It may be why she is still angry with me today, I didn't wait for her.

I did look up some U.S. Divorce Statistics to get some sense of what is happening in all marriages. Are the statistics the same if one spouse is struggling with mid life transitions? I don't know. But if you look at the statistics of long term marriages, the percentage of married people who reach that level drop as time goes on.

Percentage of population that is divorced:
1970 3%
1980 6%
1990 8%
2000 10%

Percentage of married people who reach the following anniversaries:
5th 82%
10th 65%
15th 52%
25th 33%
35th 20%
50th 5%

I'm sure death has some impact on the lower percentages for longer term marriages.

Percentage of first marriages that ended in divorce in 1997 was 50%.

Percentage of remarriages that ended in divorce in 1997 was 60%.

A person who is experiencing a full blown MLC has many issues. The reason they leave their spouse is because the pain is to great to face their issues head on. It is much easier for them to run instead of deal with the pain inside of them.

The belief that MLC lasts about 3-5 years may be for those who are going thru a Mid Life Strugggle MLS. They are far different than those who have major unresolved childhood issues. These issues don't just magically go away after 3-5 years. They remain with a person for as long as they choose to not deal with them.

I've been in counseling off and on for 15 years. I continue to deal with my old tapes from childhood and continually work at replacing them with new tapes.

A MLC spouse has deep issues that take years to heal. There is no quick fix or magic pill.

Of the people you have mentioned that have gotten back together, how long has it been since they returned? Also, how many are seeking professional counseling?

My belief is that the issues that led to their seperation will resurface again. I have read about people who got back together, only to eventually seperate again and eventually divorce. They say they tried and it just didn't work out. The thing that was missing in all thoise I have read about, is that the MLC spouse did not seek counseling to deal with his or her core issues.

I am now in the fourth year of my second marriage. The issues that were present in my first marriage are now present in my second marriage. Did I marrry the wrong person again? No. The issues that were present in the first marriage are a part of me and are still with me. My second wife has issues that are very similar to my first wife.

Life does repeat itself. There are lessons that I'm supposed to learn for me and there are lesons my wife is suppose to learn for her. We have come together to bring out those parts of ourselves that need healing.

We are seeking counseling to better understand what those parts are and working on ourselves individually and jointly. If we had continued on the same path before counseling, I'm pretty sure my second marriage would have followed in the pattern of my first. Which would lead us to divorce.

Their is no gurantee that my curent marriage will last forever. But I am much more wiser and am better equiped to do the things that work in improving my chances.

Love,
Paul

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This wouldn't be a good M Go Blue post if I wasn't on board and butting in.
Thanks as usual Paul , good topic.
I don't know if there are any good stats out there on reconnections, sure some bean counter has done it, but I too am unaware of it. (Somebody want to do a Google search?)
But I'll toss in from my observations of people I've met face to face that have dealt with this sort of thing.
Excluding those that had a partner that left and married somebody else (6), of those that regreted doing that (3),excluding those I may have talked to and just didn't want to talk about it, the count is now 15 out of 24 that put it back together (either remarried to each other or recommitted to relationshiop). Shortest seperation was 6 months, longest 12 years.
Common thread was what we understand to be MLC, words used describing from the person that was in it, or person dealing with it, may be a little different, but once the wrappers were pulled away, same "internal" package - MLC as we've seen it described.
Youngest I've talked to , age 34 female, oldest 55 female (receiving end). Youngest, age 34 female (MLC at 32), oldest 65 (MLC at 58).(My best guess/ or determined on ages, don't hold me to them )
Six Stages descriptions with a 70% accuracy.
If it were a larger sampling, I'm sure we could grind out some probability but with my theoeretical math/stat background, however, my sample is way too small.
Bottom lines were - it was h@ll getting through it. Forever grateful LBS waited and was patient. From both sides that put it back together , boiled down to "A bomb between us couldn't seperate us now."
Those that didn't get it back together boils down to " He/She is still nuts. I/We miss her/him, hope they do well, glad/sad him/her is out of here."
Even shorter summation of my observations:
Those that do get it back together, strongest relationship that can be had.
Those that didn't, very sad people are those that didn't get through the tunnel fast enough, and their LBS moved on.
Happy people moved on because they realize now their formers probably won't ever make it out of the tunnel or just didn't care what happened to them.
How's that for a complete 360 degree view and no real answer?
Well, there isn't one real answer because we are all different, and so is our sitches.
But that doesn't mean we cannot be supportived of one another.
That's why we are here.
Darn good bunch on the boards.

So, does that hold you back ? was one of Paul's questions.

Sure does. Put two people in a new relationship that have had to deal with former MLC spouses, oh do we take it really slow.
Hear that egg shell start to crack? RUN FOR THE HILLS!!
And we make few running steps but have sense enough to say "Enough!".
Recompose.
Life goes on.
Baby steps.
Turn around.
Hug someone new that has been placed into your life.
It's in His hands.
It's OK.
Either way, it's just fine and so are you.

Peace.
.
And that is the way it is.

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