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OK I don't know if anyone else is using this thread anymore, but I am going to refine my goals after having read Michele's responses to other posts in the past:

1) H will show cautious optimism as evidenced by either a specific mention that he wants the M to work OR specifically mentioning longer-term (3+months out) plans; I will help enable this by continuing to think positively about the M while empathizing with his POV
2) H telling me he misses me might be too much to expect in the next 2 weeks--instead I want H to make some reference to my absence from the house and the fact that it's noticed, even if it's just saying that the cats miss me; I will not pursue him at all during this time, and this will give him the space to think about my absence
3) Given that I am leaving in 2 weeks, physical affection might not be a possibility--however even a lingering hug when we say goodbye before I leave for Poland would count for me, as long as he initiates
4) We have a trip planned in just 1 month--a weekend trip for H's bday; he is not currently committing to go, but I am leaving it in his hands--by missing me, and me being low pressure, I want him to decide it is worth going ahead with it
5) I have asked H about a session in Boulder--he has said only let's see--I want, through very low pressure interactions, to get him interested in the idea and agree to give it a try
6)I have been exercising nearly daily for the past 10 days and will continue to do so
7) I will quit focusing so much time on the boards while at work, and will dedicate additional time to catching up on tasks I am behind on
8) When I go to Poland in 2 weeks, I will start language lessons in order to get more immersed in my new locale
9) I will train for either a marathon or another endurance event as it helps me to have a tough goal outside of the R

ITH


Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years
Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be
S 07/28/08-11/08/08
Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
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Ok..here's mine.

1. She will initiate the hug instead of me when we meet.
2. I will continue to exercise at least 5 days per week.
3. I won't mention the seperation or relationship unless she brings it up, and then I will be supportive of her decision.
4. We will continue to meet as friends for outings/dinner/drinks every 7 - 10 days.
5. I will get a comment on how good I look every time we meet in person.
6. I will complement her on how good she is looking (clothes, haircut, tan, fit) everytime we meet in person.

I'm not sure how to go about these goals other then continue to do what I have been doing.
Any recommendations or insight is very much appreciated.


H - 39
W - 38
M - 10 years, Dated 1
LYBNILWY - 5/17/2008
Moved out - 5/18/08
no kids - 2 cats
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I think I may have done this already, but it never hurts to see it and do it again.

1. I want my H to be home by September. \:\)
2. I want him to show affection to me in any way, shape or manner.
3. I want him to get rid of that woman!
4. In the GALing category, I want to take the doggie to the beach in the truck, hopefully soon.

hugs,
poet

Last edited by poet; 08/08/08 05:41 PM.
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So I'm going to reply to my own post about my goals. I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment, and have no idea where H's head is, so I'm not sure whether I've made real progress or just pushed too much. Here goes...

1) H mentioning long-term plans...he didn't bring any up, but I brought some up in terms of where we would live in the future, and he seemed open to them, not like he was humoring me, however I think I need to back off in this area now as now when I bring up too many things he seems to just shut down a bit.
2)Absolutely no mention of missing me, or the pets missing me, or anything like this. In fact H says he is stressed out when I am in the house.
3)Physical affection--there was MLx2 on Saturday. Then there were a few times where he poked at me and was playful
4)No idea about the birthday trip yet--it's still not a definite no, but I can't ask about it until a few days in advance.
5)I put Boulder in our budget, and asked him to look at the budget and see what he thought, but no response. I am not going to bring this up for at least a few weeks.
6)I'm still exercising almost every day.
7)Backslide here--some days I check once per hour, this week I've been on the boards all day.
8)Not in Poland yet, hope to start the lessons next week.
9)I found someone to train with me. I just need to find a marathon location and date to aim for.


Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years
Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be
S 07/28/08-11/08/08
Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 6
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I have been a member for awhile but mostly just a lurker...watching and reading and learning. We are now to the point where we have totally lost any and all ability to show each other affection and it's really bothering both of us so we are looking into using the KLA cd's because I've heard so much about them on here. That being said, my goals are as follows:

1. both of us to be able to and want to show affection to each other.
2. both of us not being content with living like roommates.
3. both of us finding something to do together that gets us out with others instead of just being at home retreating to our separate areas of the house.
4. both of us sticking to this instead of giving up like we've done when we've gone to marriage counseling before.

I think that's it for right now...it's enough to start with anyway. Onward we go.


2nd marriage for both of us..married since 2002
Me: 42
DH: 46
my daughter: 18
his son: 16 (lives with his mother in another state)
my daughter: 15

I know we can, I know we can, I know we can
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My Goals

To keep working on me & get back (most of) the me I was when H & I were dating. This me is strong, confident, carefree, non pressuring, funny, & lighthearted. This will also be a more wise me.

From this I hope to gain: H calling me to chat & asking me to do something with him & actually doing it.


Me39, XH45
Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats
Divorced 6/4/09
Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
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Well, mine are:

1. To decide at the eleventh hour whether I will enter a counter claim to H's filing
2. To start posting again & explain & ask for help on this decision
3. If I do counter claim: for the OW to bail out & my H to "wake up"
4. Then: for us to slowly start building a friendship again
5. And: for us to be together again by Xmas
6. And of course: for me to continue GALing if none of the above happens


Me 56
H 47
Married 21 years
No children
Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself".
Ow Bomb 8/07
H filed 6/08
D final 2/05/10




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OK, so my goals are as follows:

1. H and I will start sleeping in the same bed regularly
2. H will tell me he loves me
3. H will say that he wants to stay married

Mini-goals on the way to that:

(1)1. H and I will ML (already happened)
(1)2. H and I will start sleeping in the same bed occasionally

(2)1. H will start saying more positive things about the R and about me
(2)2. H will say more frequently that he cares about me
(2)3. H will look at me when he hugs me

(3)1. H will respond positively to my requests (he already is)
(3)2. H will initiate dates and start making the R more of a priority (I have asked him to do this and he responded semi-positively)


Me - 31
H - 31
M-6 T-8
S - 7 (he is a cat)
my thread
The truth is NOT as bad as your feelings.
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I have some goals, but am not quite sure I am on the right track or not.

Long term goals
1. H has to get OW out of is life and prove to me that it is over with her, and let his parents know that we are trying to work our M out and not care what they think.
2. H to recognize that our M is salvageable, I need to know I am #1 in his life
3. We both need to communicate better
4. H to move back home by Christmas because he misses ME, not just the kids

Short term goals
1. Go Dark to give him space to "think" about what he really wants, me or OW (does that mean not answering his calls or txts?)
2. H to compliment me, ask me how I am doing, or some sign that he actually cares about me as a person
3. H to let me know he appreciates & notices when I do things for him
4. I need to quit dwelling on H's R with OW and GAL, outside of my responsibilities with the kids


Me-37, H-36
M - 12 yrs/T - 14 yrs
4 children
S15(mine)
S14(his)
D7(ours)
D8(ours)
My legally-blind Mother lives with us also

Separated since 9/12/08
"I just don't love you, I haven't loved you in the past 3-4 years" 9/18/08
OW since May-08 least
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 44
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"/\"


Me-37, H-36
M - 12 yrs/T - 14 yrs
4 children
S15(mine)
S14(his)
D7(ours)
D8(ours)
My legally-blind Mother lives with us also

Separated since 9/12/08
"I just don't love you, I haven't loved you in the past 3-4 years" 9/18/08
OW since May-08 least
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