If you are new to the site, you will want to make sure that you have a clear vision of what you're hoping to accomplish. It's not enough to say, "I want to save my marriage." that's not specific enough. I am posting this thread to give you a better idea about what I mean regarding setting solution-oriented goals. Hope this helps. Michele
Hello, I have a bunch of goals but I'm not sure if some are too specific or some not specific enough. OK, here I go.
My ultimate goal is that my H will return home, want to work on OR and no longer want D.
Here's my list of short - medium term goals
1) H will show signs of affection a)in private b)in public
- will hold my hand
- will touch me, put his arm around me
- will cuddle w me while watching TV and when we rest
- will kiss me
2) will continue to compliment me
3) will continue letting his friends and family know that he spends time w me
4) will call just to see how I am, how my day went & to chat
5) will be curious about who calls me & my whereabouts
6) will continue being agreeable about going to C
7) will open up to me more about himself, his life and how he feels
8) will call me by pet names more often
9) will see loving look in his eye more often
10) will remember raincheck for lasagna
11) will invite me for a weekend up north
12) will want to spend more time w me
13) will invite me to gem show in November
14) will no longer mention wanting to date OWomen
15) will call me his W
16) will invite me to FIL's B-day supper
17) will invite me to an event his friends will be at
18)will hint at wanting to work on OR ie. try to save M
Is this OK or are they all over the place and not making any sense??
Your goals are great in the sense that they are highly specific and action-oriented. Good job! It sounds as if a number of these goals are already happening and it's great that you are recognizing that. Good job again.
My only other comment is that you have come up with many goals. This in and of itself is not a problem unless you expect them all to happen at once. I'm sure you don't. but just to make your life simpler, why not go through your goals and highlight the ones that have already begun to happen and the ones that could happen within the next week or two, realistically speaking. this will give you something smaller to aim at.
I was once watching a woman golfer on tv who sank an incredible long putt. The host of the show asked what she was thinking about when she hit the ball. She said, "I don't aim at the hole. I pick a point that is in line with the hole but closer to me and aim at that instead." I like that. It works well in life too.
1 - I want to have a night out for dinner with W (no kids) sometime in the next month. 2 - I want to plan a meeting w/W regarding finances 3 - I want W to tell me how she feels (does she want a D or not??)
