My wife and I will have been married for ten years this month... and I am miserable. She and I haven't had sex in going on two years. Wait, I should back up... we haven't had sex with each-other... in two years. However we both have been with other people. It started about three years ago, when she essentially "came out" to me. She announced that she was Polyamourous, (in other words non monogamous) at that point she didn't know what to do about it... but she really wanted us to be able to be in relationships with other people, with both of us being fully aware of what was going on (not to be confused with cheating or swinging), but continue to have our marriage. At the beginning I said I wasn't sure but that I would give it a try. Mostly because I was hoping that it would help save our marriage which was already troubled, (I think in the 7 years before that we had only managed to have sex perhaps a dozen times... this is a problem for me as I am a very demonstrative and physical person) or at least help us become closer as a couple. Naive of me... perhaps, but I really wanted to hope. So here we find our selves three years and several relationships later... and we are no better off, in fact I would have to say worse. Because now my wife can't have sexual relations with me... but can with other men. And while I don't generally have a problem with this when my needs are being met (not generally a jealous person)... when they aren't this is a huge issue. Perhaps that's unfair of me... but I just simply don't know if I can go on like this much longer... the gulf that has grown up between us is so wide, and I feel like there is very little left but anger, pain and rejection. We both still love each other, and we absolutely adore our two children (who I really don't want to leave), but no matter what we do we seem to keep hurting one another... I am at a point where I really just want everybody to be happy... but that has to include me too. And right now I am miserable, and considering walking away (waw) from 10 years of marriage. We have decided to seek some counseling in a last ditch effort to save our marriage, but I have to be honest I don't have much hope left. I fear that we have both just hurt too deeply for too long. So I appeal to you, strangers on the internet... yes... I am that desperate. If anybody knows of a good therapist on the west side of Los Angeles... or can offer any advice or even good words of hope... please please please... don't hesitate.
Hi, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. Counceling isnt' a magic bullet but has helped me tremendously. Sadly, even the insurance provider can't really recomend a good one. I went through 2 Cs before I found a good one. I'm christian, so I looked for a christian councelor, also, they will be more prone to be pro-marriage. Try LA pastoral counceling or email this other place : GoodSamaritan@mccla.org
I pray you find the right C, if you guys love each other there is always hope, there must be some void your W has that not even she is aware of. I wish you the best.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
frank_d is in so. cal. i believe and has recommended his C to many people. I would search the boards for him. His thread is in Piecing, I think. Good luck!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Thank you for your advice... we are seeing a C (today in fact) at this point I don't know if it's to "save or marriage" or so that our divorce is less painful... but I am hopeful that at least we are taking active steps.... where ever it ends up... we are taking steps.
