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#999155 - 04/03/07 03:15 PM Re: More Nuggets of Widsom from the Veterans! [Re: Jamesjohn]
Jamesjohn Offline
Moderator

Registered: 11/21/00
Posts: 8334
Loc: The GREAT Pacific Northwest
From DB Coach Laurie

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During this difficult time, you may get many opinions (from your attorney, family, friends, us, etc...) which can really get confusing. So, please remind yourself what your R goals are first of all. What do you want to see happen between you and your W that is realistic and a bit hopeful during these next few weeks? (Possible example: I would like my W to be less angry with me.)

Then, once you remind yourself of that, ask yourself what kind of behaviors you can show that would HELP move your R forward with your W? (Example: I want my W to be less angry toward me and it seems that my being around her, calling her, asking her to dinner, etc., gets her hostility up, therefore, I need to have a lot less contact, possibly no contact at all and will not pursue asking her to dinner, movies, etc., with her at all for the next two weeks.)

Is your goal D or is it improving your R? Those most likely are two different goals and will determine two different sets of behaviors from you, I believe. So, please decide which goal you are striving for first and that will determine what you should do, OK?
_________________________
Laurie Divorce Busting Relationship Coach
_________________________
JJ

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#2100692 - 11/04/10 12:35 AM Re: More Nuggets of Widsom from the Veterans! [Re: Jamesjohn]
Tia Offline

Member

Registered: 03/11/99
Posts: 4748
Loc: Hawai'i
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