Here's a post from Nicky. *************** I just gotta tell all of you a big THANK YOU and especially to Michele! I know I haven't been here too long, but I can see such a difference in my marriage... It's hard to believe that just a few months ago I was completely ready to give up on it and leave. I really didn't think there was anything left to be done-- that it couldn't be fixed and we just had made a mistake ever getting married at all. Now, don't get me wrong, cause there's still work to be done. But I'm at a point that I can see the M as viable... and even better, I see our R as viable and as a place where I can be happy. That is a huge shift from how I even started this year off... wondering if we'd even make it to see our next anniversary (at Christmas time). And it's not because our external sitch has changed a lot... we still work opposite shifts, we still have too many extended family members living with us... but the tools DB gave me, and even better, the way I've been taught to see things is so much better... harder sometimes because I have to catch myself and ask "is this more of the same? what has worked before?"... and sometimes I forget to do that and things roll backwards a little-- but not as far back and it's easier to get back on track because I can detach and take a look at what is really happening... and a lot of times I can see how I really needed something completely different from what my words or actions were asking for...
So thank you Michele and thanks to Pheonix and JB and Peanut and Australian and so many of you who shared your experiences so that I could learn from them!!! I'm not going away from the board any time soon because I know our extended family sitch has just intensified so I'll probably need some help and advice on how to effectively work with that... but I just wanted to let you all know that this potential walkaway has found new determination and in many ways a new marriage to hold on to...
Oh-- and one more thing. Yesterday I had a perfect opportunity to see just how far I've come with the help of DB and this board... I was in a position to recommend the book to a male co-worker of mine... what's remarkable about this is that had he confided in me about his R probs just 8 weeks ago, I'd have probably been headlong into an EA that no doubt would have eventually become a PA. But because of how dramatically DBing has changed my life, I was able to give him good (I believe) advice on his situation and point him to a wonderful tool to strengthen his M. It was a wonderful moment for me when I walked away feeling good that I might have had the opportunity to help another person's M the way I've been helped!
Thanks again to everyone-- hope ya'll have a wonderful weekend.
