Hello to anyone who remembers me from when I was a regular and then semi-regular on this board between last December-May. This board popped into my head this morning and I fondly recalled the incredible support I received from some very caring and insightful people during my darkest days, and I felt a sense of committment to come back and give an update on my situation--an update that hopefully provides hope and direction to some people here that may be feeling totally lost. I know that feeling, and it can change for you as it did for me.

Brief (overly-brief) background: August '01 my W became a WAW saying she found her soulmate and had to be with him. She loved me, she wasn't looking for anything else, but wham! there he was. WAW moved out in September '01. I whined, pleaded, begged, cried, guilted her, etc. UNTIL I found DB techniques and this board. Did my 180s, went dark, and then had to do the LRT and even the L-LRT. W returned home to me in January '02. Things were not good then. We failed to reconnect and spent months becoming more hurt by each other and not growing together. May '02--big OR talk where we decide to throw in the towel and divorce.

Well, that is where my present and future pick up. May '02. The Big OR Talk. During that night, W and I got real honest with each other, stayed up all night crying and disbelieving that we were going to end a 12 year relationship (9 years married/no kids). I'm still not sure how, but we connected--the most connected feeling in over 2 years. We decided to slow it down, take it day by day, and drop our expectations of WHAT a reconciliation is supposed to look like. Just enjoy each other.

Well, we just returned from a 2-week trip in Tahiti celebrating our most recent wedding anniversary. My W could not be more committed to me. She only talks about our future (constantly) and having children with me (probably next year). We are back--and we openly talk about it. We openly talk about how close we came to losing it all.

The keys? Well, I'm still sorting it out, and everything is not completely obvious to me. But I can tell you that while separated from your spouse, you must concentrate on yourself. That's it. Improve yourself because you genuinely want to improve yourself. Focusing on my WAW was the biggest damage I did to our R, but focusing on me, and being prepared to walk my own path is what brought her back home. We are both focused on fulfilling each other's needs, but equally focused on creating fulfilling and genuine lives for ourselves.

Well, that's my story. A success story. Thanks to the people on this board for picking me up when my sorry butt was way down.

Cheers--OneCanChange.


JJ

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