sorry - i'm such a dope - i didn't see the date and that this is old old post- i'll continue reading- ignore my note i guess - duhhhhhh- i'm not so good at this
i never saw this post - but thanks for the encouragement. this day by day thing is a killer. some days (if i get sleep) i can make do- some days (like today) i feel like the only person in the world. i'm lonely as hell missing my life -
it's been a year of knowing about his ea - i hate knowing it- it was bad not knowing and just wondering. i sure hope you are right that someday it will "pass" .
I am doing db best i can manage- don't talk about r; don't talk about "it", ow, our life. just cruise along acting like i'm having a life. i hate it all sooo much- the duplicity and acting like it's okay. it's soooo not okay.
i know you probably know what i'm saying. i wonder sometimes if it's worth bothering about- i feel it is, then i think perhaps it's wishful thinking on my part. maybe i'm wrong as wrong can be (in light of finding out i've been wrong about him soo many years !!!) how can i trust my gut or brain? maybe he has decided the portion of his life with me in it is dead and over (tho he doesn't end it) and i'm just treading water.
what the????oh well- the confusion is a killer isn't it? guess i'd better go find a person to hang with or go get busy and quit giving in to my feelings. they come and go (according to mwd) i'd never really viewed feelings tht way before reading her books - i guess it's true. they are just what they are at the moment- subject to change at the drop of a hat- an icecream sunday, a nice compliment, etc. i'm clinging to that and hoping they improve today.
take care- good luck - write any time- love commiseration & the support really is helping me alot. good luck- keep strong nero
I am doing db best i can manage- don't talk about r; don't talk about "it", ow, our life. just cruise along acting like i'm having a life. i hate it all sooo much- the duplicity and acting like it's okay. it's soooo not okay.
i know you probably know what i'm saying. i wonder sometimes if it's worth bothering about- i feel it is, then i think perhaps it's wishful thinking on my part. maybe i'm wrong as wrong can be (in light of finding out i've been wrong about him soo many years !!!) how can i trust my gut or brain? maybe he has decided the portion of his life with me in it is dead and over (tho he doesn't end it) and i'm just treading water.
what the????oh well- the confusion is a killer isn't it? guess i'd better go find a person to hang with or go get busy and quit giving in to my feelings. they come and go (according to mwd) i'd never really viewed feelings tht way before reading her books - i guess it's true. they are just what they are at the moment- subject to change at the drop of a hat- an icecream sunday, a nice compliment, etc. i'm clinging to that and hoping they improve today.
take care- good luck - write any time- love commiseration & the support really is helping me alot. good luck- keep strong nero
I know your pain and I am sorry you are going through it -- I feel thesame way some days that it's just not worth it -- then I look at my son and how much he loves the 3 of us as a family - I know that if this were my wife she could never act like this and if I were acting like this she would fight for me too --- I will keep you in my prayers Nero !!
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Thank you for posting your list. It really helped me think about ways to keep me focused on myself and not on my situation with my H.
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
I had toyed with the idea of dating here and there, but never had the heart to dive in with the individuals. Didn't feel "right." Then, some of my best students(!) absolutely insisted that I meet their favorite aunt. The students texted her to see if she was still single & open to meeting someone, she was, the kids talked me up to her and made us promise to text each other that night. We did.
Long story short, she was as amazing as her nieces said, and we got married 3/17/12 (two years to the date after that first text). My 13-year-old son was my best man. We're still madly head over heels. I buy her flowers for the 17th of each month and have since we first met.
The XW and I are amicable. We have shared custody of the kids (actually her idea). She married the OM. Funny thing is that he and I get along great right now.
Dunno if I'll check back for replies or not....school and family keep me pretty busy...and happy. Thanks to all for the support way back when.
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
SunnyBurst I feel exactly the same way. Exactly. It is beyond horrible & I want to scream at him "No everything is not fine with me you moron because you are destroying our life", but instead I smile & try to act happy all the while I am so sick inside & barely holding onto my job because of lack of sleep & being sick from his MLC. I just keep reading the posts here to see that I am not alone, & neither are you. Take to heart that we feel your pain, but keep on DBing. The one time I slipped up crying begging pleading was the day he did not return - he wasn't supposed to move out for 2-1/2 more weeks but that is what not sticking to the program cost me.
Me 54 H 53 T 19 M 15 (2nd both), 0 kids, 2 dogs, 1 horse H open heart surg12-12-12 H dropped bomb 3-5-13 H moved to lounge ~3-13-13 H rented house w/friend 4-6-13 H moved out 4-13-13
I know this is an old thread, but I've got a question about what kansha put in her original post. She said that she stopped keeping H updated on what the kids are doing. A few days ago I texted H to tell him about my son's exam results. Should I just have left it and waited until I saw him?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
The point about not updating her H on what the kids are doing is that she stopped TAKING THE INITIATIVE and talking to him. If your son's exam results were important to note, then telling your H was the right thing to do. HOWEVER, calling your H to tell him what your kids did that day, every day is not the right thing.
He has to initiate.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks for the advice Mr Bond I don't tell H about our son on a regular basis, but as you say it was important to note.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hi, I am new to this forum. My H began acting oddly about 2 years ado. He stopped socializing with our friends and we began socializing with a younger couple (younger by 10 years). H started talking about his age and not having much time to live. He started working out and now has 6 pack abs. He was a loving family man and now he drinks daily and has gotten 7 tattoos in the past 8 months.
8 months ago, he also started hiding his phone. About 2 months ago, I found a text on his phone and discovered the OW. She is the wife of the younger couple we have been socializing with. My H said he doesn't love me any more and he is leaving for good.
He moved in with our daughter for a week, told her he was divorcing me. He moved out of her house and moved in with the younger couple. The OW's spouse is ok with the emotional affair they had for 8 months, since their was nothing physical. He has been living with them for 4 weeks.
He hasn't mentioned or discusses divorce with me yet. He said he has to discuss something with me in person however. I told him I was aware of what he wanted to tell me and that I am not willing to throw away 28 years and that I love him. He became angry and we got off the phone. Before getting off he told me he cant stand speaking to me that i make him unhappy and take im to a bad place. He does not contact me at all. I have had to send him text msg. Regarding his spending, sons college, and recreational equipment.
I am not sure what to do. I resent that he is living with that couple and I resent that my daughter and her husband go there to visit I'm. The OW and her husband seem to have a very strong hold on my H. I am not a fan of theirs and they are vindictive people.
I'll take any advice I can get. I am very lonely, frightened and just wish I could have my loving husband back. I am not sure what to do. Wishing he would move out of their house! Isn't that going to get old after a while?
I don't tell H about our son on a regular basis, but as you say it was important to note.