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#550255 10/26/05 12:39 PM
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Hi Caverna,

Michele writes extensively on dealing with a depressed spouse in DR. It would be good to read that over and over again. And then to adhere to her advice.

His depression is about himself and not your relationship.

Building and growing the relationship isn't really easy during this time. Don't expect too much....yet really take stock in the positives. Just don't pressure him for more emotionally, especially. Let him work it out.

If he asks if you think he needs help, say yes....look for an opening.

Listen. Don't yak at him. (talk, but don't go on and on) Listen. Detach your ability to be happy from anything related to him.

Give him real praise when deserved, because that will encourage him.

And take excellent care of yourself.


If you sense him being suicidal, call 911.


Check out websites regarding depression / suicide -- (there are links on Newcomer's on Michele's "Welcome to DB" thread.



sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
#550256 10/26/05 04:31 PM
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I have read the chapter on depression from DR and followed some guidelines.

I did write him a letter with links to web sites with tests for depression and how it occurs with men.

I also sent his parents an e-mail sharing my concerns (he is living with his parents). I asked them not to let him know I told them, but that they have noticed it themselves.

I did call him during the day to see if he slept last night and ate today - I know, too motherly - must stop that, but I am just worried.

He did say, "i'll see you later" (meaning, maybe tonight) but didn't say ILY. He seemed very sad and serious.


caverna's thread VII
#550257 10/26/05 04:39 PM
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Now back off, completely, unless you get in an emergency situation. Let him lead.


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
#550258 10/26/05 04:48 PM
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Don't be surprised if he doesn't seem to do anything to help himself. Having delt with very serve depression myself, until you hit rock bottom (which really sucks) you have no motivation to do much to fix your situation. Just try to be there to listen when he wants to talk, other than that don't push the issue. It will just drive him further away. Hopefully he'll get help soon.


Hope My sitch
#550259 10/27/05 03:06 AM
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Caverna,
I somehow overlooked the last part of the email re: the suicide. What I was responding to was only that he was so sad and crying. BY all means if he is feeling suicidal that is completely different.

Pink, wasn't trying to be harsh just somehow didn't read that part.

I was strictly talking about if he was crying and feeling lost and sad and confused. That is where I was talking about not rescuing him.

Pink, you're right it is hard to do when you care about someone like your situation with money. I also, have a hard time not trying to make my H feel better when he feels confused. But I have learned huge lessons about letting him work it through because that is how he truly discovers what he wants and needs and it seems in the past my rescuing him only temporarily eases his pain.

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