Funny...I was just re-reading about LRT, when I had decided that I am already at that stage and MUST use it, when I took a break to scan this post.
I have nothing more to lose and everything to gain by using it...and your post, along with DB & DR's references to LRT gave me a little more hope, and took away a bit of fear of this technique. Excellent ! BigMouth49 << NO MORE !
Got so busy blabbing with friends I ran out of time to find the old thread and update - give others a chance to pummel me. Fair's fair.
Thought about some other underused Michele stuff.
People get so caught up in their drama they forget that Michele has a wicked sense of humor! And she give that upbeat spin on techniques all over her writing. Has anyone tried wearing groucho glasses while discussing something touchy?
One of my more successful forrays was...IGgy had this word that really just drove me mad. Bad, painful association and he knew it but he kept saying it. No, it wasn't Niagra Falls...
Anyway, I finally told him that every time he said that word, I was gonna kiss him (a good one too). If we were in too much public I'd stroke his arm or something. He was flabbergasted. "You're gonna give me something I want for doing something you hate?" Yep. And it worked. It really really worked.
quote:Originally posted by Phoenix: Even if not doing a LRT, just doing something that makes you uncomfortable or maybe makes your DB recipient ANGRY! Doesn't mean it's not the exact right thing to do.
You brought up a very important point here Fee. Sometimes the things we do are gonna piss off our partner. You can see many cases on this board where they think we should have changed earlier, on their time frame. Sometimes, they have their minds made up to dump us, we keep doing negative things to reinforce their thoughts, then all of a sudden we've changed, and they're not so sure any more. We make them rethink their plans. We've been doing the same dance for so long that if we change our steps, it trips them up and they can't run on autopilot. You're right, sometimes it may be just the right thing to do.
Part of the LRT is taking the time for us to rebuild our self-esteem, our self-confidence, and self-respect. I'm sure all of us know people who rate pretty high in these traits. These people are very "attractive", no matter what their physical appearances are. They tend to "draw" people to them, and most other people feel better just being around them.
Take the time during your LRT to build upon these positive traits, and see what transformations occur in ALL of your relationships, not just the one with your partner. It's another one of those win-win situations for your life!!
And don't forget your Groucho glasses!!
Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!
W and I are separated. I have the kids . If W wants to go out she is extremely fee to do so since she only has herself to take care of. If I go out I either have to ask her to sit or pay for a sitter. If I have to get a sitter it really adds to the cost of a night out. Should I ask the W to sit or just get a sitter? I want her to sit for 2 reasons, to save me $ and so she knows I am going out and not sitting home on my butt having no life w/o her but don't want to risk an argument.
Bless me with some wisdom.
I took the road less traveled.....now where the heck am I?
Rodrigo, I guess you see JJ's wisdom on going dark, which is the best.
Do you have family who can sit? Doesn't she have visitation? Can you go out when she's doing her visitation? It's sort of unusual for a guy to have the custody---can you count on her to be responsible with the kids?
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001