My husband of 28 years went back to his girlfriend. She was always an uncomfortable presence during my marriage, three times caught him in emotional affairs with her on line ( she lives in Argentina). He always beg for my forgiveness I forgave him and in every occasion never look back, meaning I trust him, she was miles away, she was a fantasy, I was his wife, his rock. Now looking back things started going south way before the bomb drop, anything I was doing was ok for him. We have three grown kids and two grandkids, the kids started bothering ( he was the most affectionate person) long days away from home, no interaction with nobody at home. Fast forward he move out in Marc ( I move him out, I couldn’t take the daily distance and disrespect) to our youngest daughter ( huge mistake on my end). He was cheating with her since last year, she flew several times for intimacy, by the way she is married with a second lover in place, my husband is number 3 . I don’t know what I feel anymore, I really don’t. For long time I was “waiting “ the stages played out and for us to recombinant at the end. I trust his therapist, I’m lost. Any ideas?
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
I am so sorry that you are here, but you are in the right place to get support. One of the first things that I would do is protect your finances and assets, i.e., bank accounts, credit cards and if you can, do a credit report on the two of you. If he's out there doing the usual things that wayward and mlc spouses do, you will want to keep a close eye on your money, as well as get yourself checked out by a doctor.
Now is the time to move forward and let him go to figure things out. Time is truly on your side and it's a time to make a list and do the things that you've put off doing BTW, as for the stages, they are just a timeline and helpful hints as to what to look for. Try to keep in mind that each person is different because of their issues, personalities and how they deal w/their issues.
Try to keep the focus on you and your family as much as possible.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello Job. Financially he destroyed me. I was a homemaker for the last 10 years. He washed his hands on me and the financial responsibilities of running a household. I’m fighting my way through this I just want to keep the roof over my head. I truly believe that money comes and goes. My youngest daughter ( he lives with her) is drinking and believing everything he says, to the point to normalize his affair and fighting with her oldest sister when she calls this woman a whore. My husband is playing her to the point of I see myself getting away from her just for my piece of mind.
Alanon is a 12 step program You can hear a few meetings online they run all day at specific times check on line doe times and information if this seems like it may help you it may help you deal with the drinking going on with your daughter- and also give you support and ideas with your spouse
I would definitely moniter any finances as this girlfrind /OW may be a scammer as she has too many men
but whatever the issues the solutions seems the sam detach take care of you rest, sleep, share and heal
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peacetoday, I apologize for my bad grammar ( English is not my primary language) what I meant to say is that my youngest daughter ( the one my husband is living with) is believing ( drinking) everything he is saying. Due to my husbands actions our relationship ( with my daughter) is being strained.
Regarding the OW to be honest I don’t see a way back in my marriage for whom she is. My husband is having a full blown physical affair with his ex girlfriend ( a woman that I caught him up having emotional affairs three times) during my marriage she was always a dark shadow. Our lives are upside down while hers is in peace, in her country (Argentina) living a great life with her husband and her twins teens. She has the meanings to fly in or fly him to her country as she wishes. She doesn’t work , my husband spend ALL day talking to her on WhatsApp, he’s being out job since February. It’s or feels over.
it is suggested to let go as you have no control of him and his choices If she is M..eventually Her H will figure this out Unfortunately her children will also be affected so she may also be in MLC,,sometimes the MLCers find each other
Take care of you get sleep, eat well, exercise, pray. read and get support from trusted people and this board
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
