So H is moving out tomorrow, and we go on holiday next Monday. I’ve just heard him on the phone to the holiday company but not sure why. Possibly to take himself off.
My question is when he goes, what shall I say? “Hope you find the happiness you are searching for?” Or anything else?
Got me feeling deflated but I know he needs to go figure things out
Check with the holiday company to make sure he hasn't canceled you and the kids, just to be safe.
I recommend not being home tomorrow while he's moving unless you're concerned about him taking things you don't want him to have. Take the kids out. Go visit friends.
I'm not sure I'd wish him happiness - makes it sound too much like a validation that his unhappiness is somehow your fault. (Which it isn't). How about a simple "Be well"? That still shows you wish him well but subtly plants the seed that he might NOT be well.
That’s true kml maybe I should just leave him to it. He knows how I feel after all.
He hasn’t cancelled the holiday but is wondering whether he should just do a week with us then fly home. He asked if I wanted to just do a week and he will stay with the kids for the full 2 weeks.
My response was “I will be staying for the full 2 weeks with my children as booked. If you have a problem by all means fly home early”
if you can get out , that may be best for the kids they may get emotional and expect them to be upset for a time around this
keep all comments to them nuetral about him if you can and remind them you are here and its not their fault I told mine as time went on..their dad I thought was in a crises and we cant fix it
Surprisingly my kids let go after a few months
They were 5 and 11...The 5 year old let go easier my 11 year old had more of a struggle so I sat with her every night when she was going to sleep and listened while she talked/cried/around his being gone
I changed the lock after a few months sometimes he came to our home and took papers /items ...ect..while I wasnt there- He did not want me to lock him out
I would consider changing the locks and set limits as he no longer lives there and they still want access to the family home.. maybe leave a spare key with a trusted friend or neighbor if he needs access
Remember you will also need extra support and good self care
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I would not be there when he moves. It will bee too emotional for some of you.
Regarding what to say......I would keep it to a simple "please text me once you're leaving" and leave it at that. Take the kids out and enjoy some time away while he is packing up.
He has now pushed it back until Tuesday. The kids will be at school luckily. It’s our sons birthday on Thursday and he will be devastated that H will not be there.
H keeps asking what I’m up to with new plans I’ve been making. Answers are kept polite but short.
And thanks Peace, usually I’m a push over and go with the flow. He’s not used to me standing up for myself. I read the boundaries info too. And all the detach info over and over, and over!
Well the plot thickens. Found evidence of PA/EA and have had it out with him. He is spinning all the lines like didn’t mean for it to happen, we love each other. All that nonsense.
He is ready to leave with her (and her 2 very young children, one a baby) into the sunset and think that all will be well. What now and do I say I want to save us or just move forward and let go still. Don’t really want to give him an ultimatum as he in cloud cuckoo land.
An ultimatum will not work. You have to let this relationship run it’s course, it will take up to two years. It will either fizzle out, which I suspect it will, small children will be a challenge, or it will grow more serious.
You must let go and act as if he will never return. I know you are devastated but the very best thing you can do right now is to keep detaching and be the best Kirsty you can be.
That way, whenever he thinks of you, he will be reminded of your dignity and strength, if nothing else.
