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Originally Posted by LB55
For a little GAL motivation for all you NGs out there, I invited 3 friends out for beer and wings tonight. None of them could go. You know where I am? At the pub having beer and wings. Not gonna sit my butt at home doing nothing. Get out there folks and do something.

You da man! Enjoy.

I love the mango habanero at buffalo wild wings...sweet and crazy hot ...I keep a bottle in the fridge


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change

I love the mango habanero at buffalo wild wings...sweet and crazy hot ...I keep a bottle in the fridge


I get the sweet and hot thing, im a bit more sriracha-teriyaki in my taste though. Super hot gets me coming and going and it just isn't what works for me!


Me40; W38; S12; D9
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I definitely caught the eye of a couple ladies while I was there. I wasn't trying; just sitting at the bar watching the game across from 3 single ladies and some other folks. Was the only seat open when i arrived, so i sat in it. I was just observing others interactions, enjoying my wings, and texting with my sister(she just found out she is pregnant). One desperate dude that tried to hit on a woman while her boyfriend was getting another beer. Crashed and burned when the BF came back. Told some lame joke about mickey mouse. It made me wonder what my competition is since I haven't been in the dating pool in 17 years.

I admit it was strange to go out by myself. Not something I would have ever done before. I was a bit nervous, but I said to myself I was going to get wings, and I forced myself to follow through with what I wanted to do. I think that is a good step for me, to simply declare that I want something and go get it or do it. Not doing all things because someone else wants to or because I think someone else wants to; but because I want to do it.


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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by LB55
For a little GAL motivation for all you NGs out there, I invited 3 friends out for beer and wings tonight. None of them could go. You know where I am? At the pub having beer and wings. Not gonna sit my butt at home doing nothing. Get out there folks and do something.

You da man! Enjoy.

I love the mango habanero at buffalo wild wings...sweet and crazy hot ...I keep a bottle in the fridge

Had that with a co worker a few months back. Pretty good. I'm a Hooters Fire Alarm guy myself ;-)

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LB55 Since I don't have many friends. Going out alone and dining alone has never been a problem for me. Used to pick up girls easier by myself instead of with company. Less pressure. But that was 13 years ago. Everyone in the PUA community likes to throw around that "social proof" b.s. Sometimes it would undermine my confidence, and sometimes it wouldn't. 3 or 4 months ago it took a bit of adjustment to go out alone again. Its no problem, but it feels like you are caught between 2 places and 2 people.

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Journaling a bit,

We are now 3.5 months since the temporary orders were drawn up. There hasn't been much communication about anything besides kids during that time. Ive waffled a bit on pushing the D through or waiting on her to do it. I think ive settled on waiting for her to get it done. Not sure why, it just seems like the right thing since its not what I want.

She hasn't mentioned the word divorce in 2 months or so, I often wonder if that is because she is comfortable or because she is trying to decide what she wants as she sees me having healthy interactions with the kids and not needing her for anything.

As I look back on a few different things, a lot of discussion on the friend zone has been happening on the board. I think I un-knowingly shut down her attempt to put me in the friend zone a couple months ago. She has her BFF that is divorced and living in a waterfront home from alimony income, and the BFF is always complaining about her EXH and blah blah blah. W tried to get my thoughts on it, and I said that I am not willing to discuss BFF problems with her EXH. She then did it again, in a different way, but same topic, and I again said I wasn't willing to discuss her friend's issues as I am not privy to the details. She acted kind of hurt that I didn't want to gossip about her friend's EXH, but that is something that someone in the friend zone would do, and I shut it down. Didn't know it at the time, just kind of hit me today, so I wrote about it.

I haven't heard a word about BFF since, and the kids haven't mentioned playing with her kid in quite a while. I have proof that BFF was pushing her to divorce me. I saw the books she was providing her(the receipts from amazon from years past were used as bookmarks so I know where the books came from) about narcissism, alcoholism, emotional abuse, divorcing a narcissist, etc. W told me she hired her L based on the BFF telling her he would do anything and say anything to win. I wonder if that friendship is slowing dying due to the toxic dynamic that must exist between two people when one is actively encouraging the other to destroy the family and F the husband over. Hard to say. I don't expend a lot of effort thinking about it, just something that made me go hmmmm the other day.

Kids told me they are sick of the weekend thing and just want one week here and one week there. I haven't told her this yet, she won't be in favor of it and will likely accuse me of manipulating the kids to say that. She won't make it in the house without child support. If we were even split there wouldn't be any child support and she would be forced to move and we would have to sell the home...or better yet I would take the home because I can afford it and she would be forced to move. I still like the house, and there is no way I could afford a similar one with the way real estate has escalated recently in the area. Bought for $400k 5 years ago and could sell for $600k now.

Well onward with life. Got the kids for dinner tonight, blackened chicken ceasar salad...oh yeah!


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LB55 - Just wanted to check in on your thread and say hello. You have no idea how much you helped me last week get through a very intense flashpoint with my W.

You are doing a fantastic job by the way. Just watching your kids, doing your thing, staying out of the friend zone. My W had that same "divorce a narcissist" book (Splitting?). It must be very disarming for her to see you just going about life. At some point the book disappeared from my house, I don't know why. And I don't care.

Maybe your kids will tell her themselves what they want. It is frustrating isn't it? It will play right into the splitting accusations. You just can't win, all you can do is refuse to play like you are doing.

What is your current custody arrangement, and are you planning that to be final for the D? If you want 50/50, I would suggest you fight for that now - otherwise you may have a 2nd expensive and draining court battle later.

Enjoy that salad it sounds delicious.

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Thanks U, glad to have something positive come of all this. We are here to help each other in the best way we each know how.

Kids decided they wanted chicken fettuccine Alfredo instead. So just a quick shift in menu but I love to make their favorites. I know they aren’t getting them at home because they tell me what W cooks for them. Noodles with butter on them. Pillsbury canned biscuits with pizza sauce and cheese on them. I guess she is trying.

I’d like a 50-50 agreement on custody. Right now in temp orders I’m on every other weekend with one weeknight. It works ok. Unfortunately my military obligations make a 50/50 deal untenable for the kids. They would have to get up at 4 to go to a sitter and then I’d get home at 6. That’s not a good life for them. My time is done in 20 months so taking lots of time in the D is helping me get closer to being able to argue intelligently for that.

If I had one thing for you I’d say be patient. I can see my exact cycles in your situation. 4 monthss ago. Be patient. Work on yourself. Go back and read my stuff. 3 months ago I was full steam ahead to get this crap over with. I’m glad I resigned myself in, my R with the kids has really grown and it’s giving everyone time to decide what they really want. So don’t burn bridges. I haven’t yet and I’m happy for that. I burn bridges in the car. It prevents me from saying dumb stuff when I’m in person.

U, You’ve made a lot of progress, keep up the work. You were a tornado of despair just a few months ago. I remember. Keep your head up and keep working towards your goals.

By the way my kids are singing along with Johnny Cash Ring of Fire. My kids are cool.

Last edited by LB55; 07/19/19 01:51 AM.

Me40; W38; S12; D9
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D Final 7/2020
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Originally Posted by IHCLACS
I'm a Hooters Fire Alarm guy myself ;-)
I didn't know they had wings wink


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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Hey LB

Thanks for dropping in on my sit the other day. You really helped me change my perspective, I was going down the foxhole and you helped pull me outta there - just wanted you to know that.

Slowly making my way through your threads. Great community here - one of the few places I've been/seen that reminds me of my time in the military years ago - everyone has everyone's back. Pretty cool stuff.

Take care, man smile

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