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#2856912 07/13/19 03:26 PM
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ozman Offline OP
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Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 732
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My anniversary is aug 6. What do you do on that day


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 226
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Probably don’t mention it. If she discusses wanting to do something it may be okay to, maybe one of the vets could give you better advice. But I would say you could get a card. Write something simple that doesn’t apply pressure. Maybe just “happy anniversary”. Don’t make a big deal about it. No crazy gifts. I know the normal advise for mother’s day/birthdays is a simple no pressure card. But hopefully a vet can chime in about the anniversary. Luckily you’ve got sometime before then!


Me: 26 W:26
T:6 M:1 S: 1
BD: 3/26/19
DBing: 4/12/19
Separation: 5/20/19
I filed: 8/7/19
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Ok thanks. So uhh. To touch base. Things get a little better every day. Like back to normal minus intimacy. The if she doesn’t want to come back to M you will be confused helped a lot. LIKE A LOT. So thanks for that.

I’m happy things are better though


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 732
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ozman Offline OP
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Why am I obsessed to find out if she’s cheating. This knot in my stomach. Ugh. It makes me feel like a bad person trying to find out


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 732
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ozman Offline OP
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So guys. I applied just the tiniest bit of pressure Mixed results.

Input please


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 199
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What kind of mixed results did you receive and what type of pressure did you apply?


M: 22, T: 27
Three Children
BD: 12/15/18
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 102
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From experience, not that I have much at all, I did see my H be more open when I left him alone. He continued with his affair but when he interacted with me, he was more open and relaxed. Of course I messed it up once or twice and it made him clam up and pull away.

Believe me, we all want this nightmare to end sooner rather than later, but we have to let our spouses deal with their journey and hope that they do return to us.


I'm still hoping that is the case for me. He is coming back and acting nicer but I'm afraid it's because I might see another BD in the near future... i.e. him meeting the AP.

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Ok. This morning. Bout to go on run. She’s in bed. Very cranky.

Me: what’s eatin you?
Her: everything
Me: what’s everything?
Her: money, finances, our lives
Me : you wanna talk about it
Her: talk about what
Me: everything
Her: we already have, there’s nothing to talk about
Me: ok well I’m goin I’m run (very cheerfully)
Her : why?
Me: cause I want to

I get back from run 2 hours later. Soaked in sweat

She is in kinda good mood. Sitting on porch

I’m kinda acting like a goofball.

She laughs.

Her :somebody is gonna see you
Me: I don’t care
Her: I know you dont
Me: what does that mean
Her : (laughing) nothing
Me: no really?!
Her : no really nothing.
(A couple times more and she won’t tell me)
Me: why are you laughing
Her : cause your being funny
Me : funny good or funny bad?
Her. Both

Sigh. I think I’m stupid. Why can’t I stop myself from pushing her buttons today


Me 32. W. 30
T 10 years M 8
S 8

Bd 5-31-19
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 879
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You can’t stop pushing her buttons because you are co-dependent and lack emotional differentiation.

The only good parts of this, in my opinion, are you saying you were going for a run because you want to, and then doing it.

The rest of the pre-run conversation and the entire post-run conversation are pointless at best and damaging at worst. They don’t advance the cause of self-differentiation or reconciliation.

Not the end of the world. Keep working on it.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
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