Turbine - my thoughts are these. I hope they help.
This sounds like it is going to continue for a while. Know that, but also try very hard to step back from it. Unless anything changes, it sounds like you have no interest in pursuing the D yourself, and that is okay and understandable. But that does mean that you might not have a lot of control in this situation, and you will be susceptible to her whims and errors. Sounds like she's making some errors now.
So you'll be in this for a good amount of time if you let her drive. You need to find a way to step out of it, since you're not in the driver's seat for timeline.
How can you gain some sense of control in your own life? Not control over THIS - but maybe something else? What will make you feel good about being Turbine? Not a distraction, but something that feeds your soul. I'm not sure that you've hit on it yet, so I'm hoping you keep searching. What will make you feel your own power over your life?
None of us can control everything. But I think you need to focus on what you CAN control.
This is a tiny one: but lately I've taken great pleasure in being sure I eat my dessert before my dinner. It's so incredibly silly but it makes me feel like a little kid and I honestly laugh at how happy it makes me. Ice cream first. Veggies after.
What is one thing you can switch up in your life to just see it all a little bit differently?
Much to ponder. Solid question Yail. I am not sure I have an answer yet. There are a lot of plates on sticks right now.
Not sure about long term work due to the internship being ten weeks and half done. Couch surfing for living arrangements, see first sentence.
Her lawyer quit and my lawyer is asking how I want to proceed. Yes, you are correct Yail, I don't want the D. I dob;t want to push her away more by pushing for too much. Also not to be a doormat.
My therapist asked me what I want to work on. Self respect... confidence... portraying wanting her rather than needing her...
Is she having doubts? I don't know. Mahal can be stubborn and strong willed. She is fearless, brave and smart in ways I am not. Yes she is beautiful. Yet she has her flaws. I wasn't surprised her lawyer was filipina, yes, the one who quit.
Lots of people telling me she isn't who I believe her to be. Our kids, family, my Dr (she knows both of us) friends. .
So why do I want to stay married? Nostalgia? Avoiding the unknown? Answers I don't have yet.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
We understand that at every turn it seems the world is telling you "no" and taking things away.
But I'm going to go back to my last question to you. What are you doing that you CAN control? What can you do that allows you to prove to yourself that you are in charge of your own future?
It takes work, but you have to identify the steps to get to your next level. If you write them here we can keep you accountable.
Last two weekends we were supposed to be at the house and pack/clean. Canceled both times because of her. Getting tired of the games. More reasons to get the order lifted.
Extension for the veterans program is being discussed and would be nice to have a firm world for a while.
Still growing and learning. Therapist had to cancel because he was feeling ill. So three weeks until the next session.
Helped my friend with yard work during the week so the weekend which was hotter was free for him. Worked for both of us.
Sort of tired of the games going on with her.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Turbine, being tired of her games is a good step. This sounds like a marked change and I think it will help you along your path.
Be tired of the crap she is pulling. But don't let it affect your own choices. Hold your head high and keep moving forward with everything you do. You'll feel like your slogging through mud, but keep going.
Finished the pile of branches with my friend in time for them to go on vacation. Won't be waiting for him when they get back. Plus in my book.
Got the extension, so end of September.
Found out my FOID has been suspended. Fire arm card in Illinois. Very annoyed with multiple parties right now. Just annoyed with them. I'd like to know why and who. Who only to the extent where I can tell them thank you and good bye. Even Mahal. That scared and untrusting... on top of the rest. That would take more growing by me. I want to... seeing different from her would be good too.
Guns are tools. Safe handling requires a certain knowledge and to do so well requires a level of proficiency. Like driving a forklift or a manual transmission.
My sister is being annoying. Not intending to but its her phrasing. "I need" almost always instead of less demanding word choices. I have enough in front of me and plenty of plates on sticks on my own.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Won't get into politics, but this is why I oppose anything that takes due process out of these kinds of actions. Rights shouldn't be sacrificed in the name of people wanting to feel safe. The language in the aftermath of recent events is scary.
Turbine, get a lawyer and fight that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Okay, after sleeping on this maybe I should elaborate here.
My wife has had a order of protection which was then changed to a no contact order and now is we can talk but sort of limited to getting the house ready to sell. Supposedly the first two are as if never happened. So not exactly sure my lawyer is on my side. Wife has had two text messages sent to her. She has responded to neither.
I have been effectively homeless since mid May. Staying with my kids (why not our kids?because they are 'our' kids.) and friends. Even a studio apartment is close to all my income right now. My job is only to the end of September so getting a place for that short a time seems sort of pointless. My therapist suggested a tent in the back yard of my own house. Not sure that is any different from being inside the house other than I need to let my self in to use the bathroom. Again, why?
I want one thing. My wife giving us a fair and honest chance. Yes, even after this.
Even after recognizing she can be a bully, and all me, me, me. I don't seem to be able to do enough.
I want answers and I don't want to hear them. That she is done and gone. I don't believe that or don't want to believe that. That I can do better. She is the standard... still.
I wish I could pack away my feelings for her as easily as it seems she has done. Which from what is said took a long time. She might see the changes but doesn't believe them and doesn't want to be hurt. So is some of this her getting even?
Our last court date she had no lawyer and was arguing with mine against dropping the no contact. How do you sell a house much less get it emptied and repaired under those circumstances? By the way the last three mortgage payments have been made by her. So did she hide assets on court documents?
Yes, I am frustrated. I wish she could see herself with my eyes. I think she is incredible. She has flaws of course. That make her unique. That I accept and occasionally wish were a little less, but not gone.
So now I have cleared my head a bit. I went and found a isolated place yesterday and cried. I'm tired of the fight. I want the tow of us back. Not what we were but what I know we can be and even had been before I got complacent. I don't know a life without her. If this is a glimpse of it... I don't want it.
Doesn't she understand what even a hint of encouragement would do? A small sign that what I am doing is something she finds closer to what she wants/needs. If I got flowers and her actions were to leave them but her words were quit wasting your money... believe the actions right? I want to be home to do more. Not to pack up and go our separate ways.
More later. I have a water pump that is failing on my car so any work this weekend at the house will be pretty limited to sort rather than remove.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
