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MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better #2856702
07/11/19 09:25 PM
07/11/19 09:25 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,131
Been There, Done That, USA
M
myturnnow Offline OP
Member
myturnnow  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,131
Been There, Done That, USA
Hi Everybody,

Not sure if anyone here are veterans, but this place was my salvation about 15 years ago. I had two little kids (10 and 7) and my world was turned upside.

I was a stay at home mom, virtually no professional background since I worked a bit for my husband (at the time) and got married straight out of college. What I thought would be a team forever - with marriage and a business - turned into a nightmare, plain and simple.

My then husband walked away from it all - kids, me, our home, everything - and moved in with his secretary. And the rest was history. I basically sat around feeling sorry for myself for about six months (give or take) and then figured out one day I was sick of it. He may have had a mid-life crisis but I wasn't going to wish my life away waiting to see if he'd come back. In hindsight, I see that our marriage was not a good one but I was beaten down emotionally that I would have rather settled for that, than nothing. But, I see that was the worst thing to do. And minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day, I got back on my feet.

It was April 2005. I filed for divorce and was full steam ahead. I went back to grad school and focused solely on my future. How was I going to keep my feet on the ground while my foundation was cracking? Well, I did it. And here is how.

First, I focused on what I could control. Being the best mom I could be, finishing my grad degree, being super careful with money, staying healthy and reading - a lot. I read books like Tony Robbins "Awaken the Giant Within" and Jack Canfield's "The Success Principles" because I was sick on focusing on what I didn't have - I wanted to focus on what I wanted. That was a happy life - a happy home, healthy and happy kids, financial security, my health, and finding a nice guy down the road. But first, I had to fix what was broken. I had settle for WAY LESS than I deserved and I had to figure out why.

I realized that my belief system in myself was heavily dependent on the validation of others. And for a class A narcissistic husband, he took it to the extreme. By the end of my marriage, I was a shell of a person who was doubting how I even tied my shoelaces. Yes, my XH used to criticize even stuff like that.

So humpty dumpty needed to be put back together again. I needed to be MTN 2.0. Build on what worked - the strengths I had forgotten about, what made ME happy, and concentrate on my strengths and go from there.

I swear going to school during my trial - yes I had a nasty divorce trial - actually saved me. I buried myself in getting my Masters of Teaching and it felt so good to have positive feedback. When I got an A on a paper or did well with student teaching, it gave me my confidence back. I HIGHLY recommend doing something for yourself during this stressful time. It give you back to yourself. And most likely, you probably forgot who you were along the way.

The reason I hopped back on the site is that I remember that terrible day in September 2004 when I was 36 years old and my then H took his wedding ring off and told me he didn't love me anymore. And that was that.

I was a shell of a person. I barely could get out of bed. But - and I mean a big BUT (no pun intended smile that it does get better. So don't ever forget that. That was the worst it was. From that day on, it got better. Minute by minute..

Focus on what's working in your life - your friends, kids, working out, your job - and go from there. Make sure you hang out with people who lift you up. I found out that misery likes company and when I decided to stop playing victim, some of my friends didn't like that since they didn't have company anymore. Sitting around complaining didn't work anymore - it really never did. So I focused on my friends who told me to get off my a** and start living my life.

And I did.

I will forever grateful to my friend who told me she was sick of my sh** and my marriage sucked anyway. She said you are wasting your life missing something you never had. And she was right!

Since then, I met the most wonderful man and we were married a few weeks ago. smile We moved at a snails pace (which worked many years ago) but we raised our kids and have each built our own businesses. I have since founded a social media company where I specialize in working with people on how to use LinkedIn to find new opportunities. I took my English and Teaching degree and packaged it up and took it digital. And it's been AMAZING!

I was able to raise my kids and work from home. Granted, building a business as a consultant from the ground up is not for wimps and I have worked 24/7 to get where I am, as many of you know who are entrepreneurs. But the thing is - I wouldn't have changed a thing. All the stuff I went through from my divorce that gave me the drive to do this has led me to where I am today.

I am so incredibly thankful - each and every day.

So if you are sitting at home with a handful of tissues and sitting on your bed crying, I understand. Your world has been rocked and you aren't sure where to go. Well, now is the time to dig deep - I mean really deep - to see what you are made of. And build yourself up again.

I used to say to be like the girl from "Homeless to Harvard" which was a lifetime movie about a girl who beat the odds. That story inspired me and I wanted to beat the odds too - not be an angry divorced mom who's kids became statistic. I wasn't going to let that happen. Granted, we went through some crazy sh** - believe me - but we did make it out on the other side. Thank goodness.

Funny thing is, when I was sitting in the football stands at a college football game (my son went on to play college ball) I met the nicest woman. We became fast friends and I will never forget our first day in the stands. We went through the pleasantries about where we lived, what we did, etc. We then started to discuss what our husbands (well my then fiance) do. She looked at me smiling and said, "My husband is a Lifetime producer. You know that movie, Homeless to Harvard, he did that one."

For real. smile

Just know that all things work out for a reason. Hang in there. Be strong. Find your tribe. Keep the faith and keep moving. You will be going from Homeless to Harvard soon, too.

xo MTN

New H - great guy
Son - 24
D - 22

Living happily ever after - finally.

Last edited by myturnnow; 07/11/19 09:29 PM.

MTN xoxoxo

me - 43
XH - 47
S - 17
D - 14

engaged - 08
and happy!

bomb 04
divorced 06
engaged 08
happy in 09!
Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2856711
07/11/19 11:04 PM
07/11/19 11:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,668
K
kml Offline
Member
kml  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,668
You go girl!!!!!

Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2856712
07/11/19 11:11 PM
07/11/19 11:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,925
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,925
NY
Glad to hear a success story


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2856717
07/12/19 02:06 AM
07/12/19 02:06 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,606
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,606
Massachusetts
thank you! xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2856744
07/12/19 10:38 AM
07/12/19 10:38 AM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 41
Spain
N
Nyla79 Offline
Member
Nyla79  Offline
Member
N
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 41
Spain
Thank you for sharing. Success stories are always lifting. So happy for your happiness smile


On BD
Me 39 H44
D14 D12 S10
M19 T19
BD 3/19
Separation 3/19
H filed for D 4/19
Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: Nyla79] #2856750
07/12/19 12:04 PM
07/12/19 12:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,226
Southern Maryland
job Offline

Member
job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,226
Southern Maryland
I am so happy that you came back and provided us with an update. A great success story! Please keep in touch when you have the time.

Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2856763
07/12/19 01:09 PM
07/12/19 01:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,578
P
peacetoday Offline
Member
peacetoday  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,578
amazing!!

Happy for you


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2856769
07/12/19 01:20 PM
07/12/19 01:20 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,037
D
DejaVu6 Offline
Member
DejaVu6  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,037
Such an inspiring story. Thank you for coming back and telling it. Enjoy your amazing life...you’ve definitely earned it!!!


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2857075
07/15/19 03:24 PM
07/15/19 03:24 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,131
Been There, Done That, USA
M
myturnnow Offline OP
Member
myturnnow  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,131
Been There, Done That, USA
Thanks so much, everyone! Your kind words mean a lot. I remember what it was like to be in the thick of it and how much I wanted to hear about something good that came out of such a difficult time. I can honestly say that I learned more than I could imagine about myself that it gave me many tools I would not have otherwise had if I hadn't gone through such a tough time. I even see a different in my daughter who is much more independent and ambitious than I was at her age. I do think seeing me go back to school and focus on life like "the little engine that could" rather than victim mode were tools my kids learned, also.

Sure - divorce totally [censored]. But, there are outcomes that come out of it that are positive, too. You just have to focus on them and build on that.

Stay positive. It'll get better.

xo


MTN xoxoxo

me - 43
XH - 47
S - 17
D - 14

engaged - 08
and happy!

bomb 04
divorced 06
engaged 08
happy in 09!
Re: MyTurnNow's Update 15 Years Later - It Gets Better [Re: myturnnow] #2857282
07/16/19 07:20 PM
07/16/19 07:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,001
B
BluWave Offline
Member
BluWave  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,001
WOW! I love everything about this update. I am going to link it in my own thread in Newcomers for others to see and read.

Thank you so much for coming back and posting this. It is such wise and valuable advice. I agree with everything 100%.

Congratulations to you -- for doing the hard work, for pushing through, and for creating a better more, beautiful life. I think that is so much more precious and valuable than simply if the M is restored or not.

I hope you will continue to update or consider advising others, if you have the time :-)

Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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