[Ready2Change]

When she calls to talk, listen and validate.

If this is too much, do not answer and let it go to voice mail.

[ozman]

RTC really?!? Getting my own account sounds like I’m asking for a divorce. We have to combine our income to pay bills anyways.

Is it bad to ask her. “Why couldn’t you wait to see what the best option is?”

She genuinely did think that her going on her own was not gonna cost more. She is trying to save money as bad as I am.

Her job gave her one day to decide and she didn’t know it would be more expensive. I promise I KNOW that she is not trying to hurt our finances. I think she wanted something to herself. EVERYTHING has always been in my name cause I was the bread winner. This is her first time making money

[Ready2Change]

you are looking at it way too logically..

Burn this into your head.


You need to understand her at the emotional level.

[Traveler]

Ozman, you sound in a panic. Slow down. Talk to her in a few hours.

Please don’t rush and do/offer/say things you’ll regret.

[LB55]

Is it bad to ask her. Why couldn't you wait to see what the best option is?

What difference does it make? Its in the past, I take it that it cannot be undone. This is a useless pressure laden conversation that only satisfies your need to understand.

[Ready2Change]

RTC really?!? Getting my own account sounds like I’m asking for a divorce. We have to combine our income to pay bills anyways.

Three accounts. Yours, Hers, Joint.



H:"W, When you do not include me in financial decisions for our family, I feel it is best that we have three accounts."

[Ready2Change]

Oz,

You as the man need to lead your family through this tough sitch.

[LB55]

Her job gave her one day to decide

I doubt it. She sat on it for a while trying to figure out what she wanted and then was forced to make a decision. You pressured her. She made a decision.

Its not about finances. Back off on the pressure bud.

You have an immense need to know why and to fix it. I completely feel you on that; I do too. You can't fix her or your R until you have fixed YOU.

I'm gonna challenge you to something. Get off this board for 24 hours this weekend. Go do something else. Anything else. Don't come here, don't read, don't post. Leave your phone at home. Take a break. I'm not being rude or trying to send you away; it really helps to do something else and get your mind off this for a bit. I do it regularly, check out for a few days or even a week; it helps me to think about things other than my situation.

You are just spinning like crazy. Its not healthy; take a break brother. Rome wasn't built in a day, your M wasn't screwed up in a day, and you aren't going to fix it in a day. Or in a single conversation, interaction, or otherwise.

What is something that YOU like to do? Not what you think she wants you to do; what do YOU like to do?

[ozman]

Ok guys. She called. We went over the numbers cause I have to give my boss an answer.

I said “man it [censored] we have to pay the extra cause your boss gave you no time”. To her credit she said she didn’t have any time to decide. Her boss gave her 1 hour to fill out papers or opt out. Her job is very disorganized like that. I’m familiar with it.

She didn’t bring up the wanting to be on her own deal. She sounded upset about the money and said she will just go without insurance when her job cycles open enrollment. To which I said you have to have insurance

We are talking to a bankruptcy later this evening to try to ease the load.

I really think she is undecided about an S or D because she keeps using words like might and she seems unsure of a lot.

I don’t know if I did ok or not

[SteveLW]

To which I said you have to have insurance

Is this listening? Validating? Or fixing?