I've avoided writing for the past week and a half because on the 29th of June I discovered in his emails that he apparently filed with a lawyer friend of his (a childhood friend) on the 28th! However, I've been going LRT hardcore, and the papers still haven't shown up, and my sister who is a paralegal says the case is not shown as filed in the court system yet. He also wore his wedding ring over the weekend, when he has not done that in almost 8 months. And he is cooking for me again. He alternates between rude and somewhat approachable. I have sort of done a modified LRT where I mix in little acts of kindness for him without expecting so much as a grunt of acknowledgment. However, I have more hope than I did a few weeks ago, in spite of seeing the apparent actual filing. I guess until I get those papers in hand, I will continue to be hopeful. What if after I DO get them?
I've avoided writing for the past week and a half because on the 29th of June I discovered in his emails that he apparently filed with a lawyer friend of his (a childhood friend) on the 28th! However, I've been going LRT hardcore, and the papers still haven't shown up, and my sister who is a paralegal says the case is not shown as filed in the court system yet.
Monkey - I strongly urge you to stop snooping the phone or e-mails.
Originally Posted by lilmonke
He also wore his wedding ring over the weekend, when he has not done that in almost 8 months. And he is cooking for me again. He alternates between rude and somewhat approachable. I have sort of done a modified LRT where I mix in little acts of kindness for him without expecting so much as a grunt of acknowledgment. However, I have more hope than I did a few weeks ago, in spite of seeing the apparent actual filing.
I like the idea of the modified LRT (with no expectations attached when you are kind) but do it without trying to read into his actions. What I've learned here is you can expect your H to behave and act erratically so trying to mind-read or figure out what it all means will just distract you from what you need to work on - yourself.
Originally Posted by lilmonke
I guess until I get those papers in hand, I will continue to be hopeful. What if after I DO get them?
In my state you have 30 days to respond... I would take all the time you have and keep DB-ing.
Happily take them. Do not read them immediately. Decide to read them the next weekend. Get a good night sleep on Friday. Take a nice shower. Go have a nice breakfast. Find a nice comfortable place to sit and read them. Read them slowly to understand all that he is asking.
Take a break and go for a walk. Read them again later if you need.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Update: I found his burner phone with all the texts between him and his mistress. I confronted him and he is completely unremorseful and still blaming me and served me divorce papers and now I’m meeting with lawyers
Very sorry to hear this but it's not a surprise. You may recall back on the first page we were talking about this being the possible reason he was rushing the D through. So now you know you are dealing with a lying cheater. Your old loving husband is gone and has been replaced with this POS that lives in the same body. Don't believe anything he says, it's all going to be lies and half-truths. I'm not saying he is beyond hope, but he's got to follow this path and hit rock bottom before he might repent of his waywardness and get on the road to recovery. Some men never do though, so you have to protect yourself, detach and keep moving forward.
Regarding your earlier comments about him being nice, they'll usually be like that right before filing D papers because they're trying to soften you up for a settlement that works in their favor. I'm glad you're lawyering up because you need that help right now.
Yes. It’s so funny how you describe him being replaced. II was just telling people that the person I married is gone. He seems to be possessed by a demon.
I am so sorry Monke. That hurts like a b*tch... I know. This time last year I was married and looking forward to a happy future with my H. Today I am separated and waiting for the final divorce order to go through. He has purchased a new home with his affair and they are planning a wedding for next July. If you had told me this last year at this time, I would have never believed it. It is still somewhat unbelievable even now.
When he first left (denying the affair the ENTIRE time until just this last March when I just told him to stop and basically told him I knew she was an affair and to man up and just admit it), I was devastated and wanting to save my marriage. Over time I realized that what I wanted to save was the future I had envisioned and not what I had at all. Truth be told, my H had checked out on me years ago and I had been lonely and alone for a very long time... I just hadn’t realized it. Once I started to understand that and that I was grieving something I didn’t actually have, I started to heal and move forward and to really let him go. The news of his engagement (which he hid from me for months apparently...old habits die hard) was just a blip in my day. Honestly...she can have him. He is a stranger to me now and a broken person and is someone I do not need in my life. I’m happier than I’ve been in years. My future is unknown and that used to scare me but now it excites me.
Anyway...I don’t want to hijack your thread with my own story but I just wanted to lend you my support and tell you that I know what you are going through and that you WILL get through it. When I was where you are and people told me that, I didn’t believe them. I couldn’t imagine being okay with not being married to my H and him living his life without me. The very thought of it sent me into a panic and I experienced a kind of psychological pain I would never wish on anyone. It was awful. Time is a great healer though and almost in spite of myself, I slowly but surely started to move forward and find happiness in my new normal. You will too. I promise!!! (((HUGS)))
One more thing... I don’t want you to lose hope because you never know what the future brings. Your H may come to his senses...especially if you DB hard and he starts to think he may actually lose you and that you are not his Plan B. I wasn’t ever really able to do that in my sitch. Pretty sure my H thought I was a solid Plan B and wanted to keep me there until he was sure his Plan A was going to come to fruition. Do NOT be his Plan B Monke. Let him go and move on with your life as if he is never coming back. He may...but you can’t count on that. If you do, you will stay stuck and just look weak and desperate in his eyes. That is not attractive and virtually guarantees the demise of your M. So take a deep breath and start living your life for you as if he is never coming back. If he wants to come back in the future, you will then be in the driver’s seat. If he doesn’t, you are still in the driver’s seat. You win either way. (((HUGS)))
