Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

[CanBird]

Amazing day! I did something that scares me in a good way. I took my 3 year old hiking! I've been wanted to do a hike for awhile and today we did it! Went with another mommy friend (it's all about play dates: agreeing to do something together we ALL enjoy. Duh!.. My married needs more of this for sure). Anyway, she's got two boys, and a dog, I've got my kid, were in the jungle with water falls! Life felt really good today.

Later on, after a very long trip into Costco, went to a pool bbq. Another group of parents. It was really fun.

Feeling good.

[CanBird]

Tomorrow is Father's Day. H is at sea, has been for 2 months. Our daughter is 3. Do I send him Father's Day message, from our daughter? We sent him a card, which won't arrive for another month.

[CanBird]

Way off topic, what are search spiders?

[LB55]

Tomorrow is Father's Day. H is at sea, has been for 2 months. Our daughter is 3. Do I send him Father's Day message, from our daughter? We sent him a card, which won't arrive for another month.

Yes I think that would be very appropriate. I know when I’m at sea getting anything from home communications wise was a treat. Especially from the kids or pictures of this kids. Most of my time at sea my W would email me daily; until she decided in November that she didn’t want us anymore.

Yes email him. Maybe even try to attach a recorded message from her; attachments don’t always work right especially if there is limited bandwidth. Perhaps type out what she says in addition. No relationship discussion.

[AnotherStander]

^^^ A little late but I agree with LB. When it comes to stuff like this keep it kid-focused. Have D3 make a card and send/ give it to him and let that be the end of it.

Way off topic, what are search spiders?

I haven't heard that term in a while but what it used to mean is search engines like Google "spider" web sites to come up with keywords that will bring that site to the top of a search if a person is looking for certain words. For example, if I am one of the few people that has a web site for "blue widgets" then if someone searches Google for "blue widgets" then my site will be near the top of the results. What most people don't realize is Google doesn't search for those sites every time you type something in. They have ALREADY searched the sites ("spidered" them) and have them cataloged for reference.

[CanBird]

^^^ A little late but I agree with LB. When it comes to stuff like this keep it kid-focused. Have D3 make a card and send/ give it to him and let that be the end of it.

Way off topic, what are search spiders?

I haven't heard that term in a while but what it used to mean is search engines like Google "spider" web sites to come up with keywords that will bring that site to the top of a search if a person is looking for certain words. For example, if I am one of the few people that has a web site for "blue widgets" then if someone searches Google for "blue widgets" then my site will be near the top of the results. What most people don't realize is Google doesn't search for those sites every time you type something in. They have ALREADY searched the sites ("spidered" them) and have them cataloged for reference.

AnotherStander: Thanks for the clarity on that..lol.. one less thing for me to look up!

[CanBird]

Tomorrow is Father's Day. H is at sea, has been for 2 months. Our daughter is 3. Do I send him Father's Day message, from our daughter? We sent him a card, which won't arrive for another month.

Yes I think that would be very appropriate. I know when I’m at sea getting anything from home communications wise was a treat. Especially from the kids or pictures of this kids. Most of my time at sea my W would email me daily; until she decided in November that she didn’t want us anymore.

Yes email him. Maybe even try to attach a recorded message from her; attachments don’t always work right especially if there is limited bandwidth. Perhaps type out what she says in addition. No relationship discussion.

On Father's Day, I sent a short message via his work email, and addressed it as if it was from d3. She also did a short video message that he can view, on another App. We also have an Instagram account for d3, that's mainly followed by family, but not to post any Father's Day stuff on there. Instead I shared a video of her on a hike at a waterfall. I wanted to show we are out doing things.

[CanBird]

Here we are today, after a great weekend. We'll yesterday, our pool pump stalled. I tried my best to figure that out. Not an easy task when d3 is awake and wants to do her thing. I was stressed at this mechanical breakdown, but knew it was out of my hands, and made a phone call today, and hopefully it will get dealt with tomorrow, before the pool turns murky on me!

Yesterday after putting my pool problems aside, d3 and I meet up with another parent. Had a great afternoon pool side at a hotel. The kids had fun, us girls caught up on things. It was nice. D3 was so exhausted, she wanted to go straight to bed without dinner.

Today d3 was still exhausted. A bit of a fever, but nothing to call a doctor about. She's been sleeping most of the day, which allowed me some free time to tidy up and catch up on things. When things are out of order, I feel out of order.

Nothing from H. Again, no surprise there. And that's okay.

Time to finish up dinner. Chicken soup for the soul

[CanBird]

Reading over Sandi's rules again. I've printed them out, highlighted & underlined some key points.

I know I'm not alone in this. The feeling of treading water. Keeping your head held just high enough to breath.

I live my life as I usually do. At this point in the year, H is at work until November. That's our normal. I'm not doing anything different, other than not communicating with him (other than Father's Day stuff from d3, or business).

I'm grateful we have this time apart during this rough patch. In my eyes, that's what it is. And I have to remind myself that "I can't fix what I didn't break". He's broken. I can't fix him. He needs to do his thing.

Of course I wonder, what's going through his mind? Is he okay? Is he this? Is he that? Does he have time to reflect? Does he even think about what next? This probably isn't health thinking. I'm sure upon further reading of DR, I will find the chapter about these kind of thoughts. With all this time on my hands, and no one to vent to (by choice), it's no wonder I self talk a lot. Mind you, a lot of the talk that I haven't posted is positive too. The things I say or journal to myself to vent and keep my positive spirits up.

This is the worst feeling, going through this. It's right up there with how I felt around my mother's death. Just devastated. It hurts, but as time goes on, it hurts less.

[CanBird]

Wow! H messaged me, "thank you".

He watched the Father's Day video by our d3.

I'm shocked he replied at all. I'm happy knowing it made him happy.