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B got home rather later than expected with GS2 and GS4 in tow (long story). She had called in advance and S24 and I did a quick sweep around the house to make sure that the child-proofing was prepared.

At the first sound of small boys the cats beat it to upstairs although Liz did come down and lay in the hallway - until someone got close to her and then she'd vanish again. The boys treated the cats with respect which B monitored closely and enforced. She is a really great mother but then again she's had a lot of practice. Both her own children and the grandkids that I've met all adore her even with her no-nonsense brand of parenting.

I fed everyone - B was busy supervising and we had a very simple dinner of roast lamb, cubed butternut squash and fresh biscuits. B had brought one of the rhubarb meringue pies she made for the cottage home so that was desert. I would have liked to have had more variety but no one left the table hungry even with minimal left-overs.

Dinner was a bit humorous because neither B nor the kids had ever eaten lamb before and in order to simplify things it was referred to as "chicken" for the boys. S24 was in a good humour - he loves small kids too and we teased the boys about eating up to "get big and strong and have hair on your chest" - something that S24 and I were well able to demonstrate which impressed the small boys.

The boys have gone through a lot for much of their lives and were noisy and clingy - awkward when Andrew is using large knives. Rules had to be established. Sitting on the table turned out to be acceptable but standing on it wasn't. You pick what hills are worth fighting for and from the table they could safely watch me cook. I spilled and GS2 who had only been in the laundry room once dashed in there to get me a broom and dustpan to clean up with. B assured me that he is very very observant.

After dinner we took them to the local park where they had a blast and we tired them out pretty much completely. After a while on the teeter-totters and swings, B and GS2 split off and went to the creek to look at the water and I stayed with GS4 who . When it got dark and the bugs started coming out, we went home, smelling every fresh lilac on the way, the boys tidied up their toys in to the box and we took them to their dad B's S39 (?) who was very exhausted himself. He did seem pleased to finally meet me. The boys were assured that they were more than welcome to come visit at Nona and Andrew's house again. B is - with prompting from me - more and more referring to this as "her" home too, not just as Andrew's place.

Originally Posted by JujuB
Flowers for your girlfriend when she comes home is out of a movie. I have never had a guy do something like that for me and B is really lucky. Hope you give her the chance to reciprocate as it seems like she likes to give as well.
B was so busy when she got home that she noticed that I had folded her shirts but not the flowers right next to them until we were getting ready for bed. When I finished getting ready she was laying in bed naked and without covers. Post menopausal hot flashes no doubt laugh I do think she quite liked the flowers.

A week's vacation for me now. I have a big list of things to get done around the house. Heavy rain has started for today and is forecast for later in the week. My sloop is getting a fairly good washing right now. Outside painting will happen tomorrow and I'm also planning on going up to the local large farmer's market. On Wednesday I hope that B and I will go out for dinner with my best friend and his wife after a CostCo run. B's not had enough chance to think yet to know if she'll be up for it or not. I may do the dusting and then perhaps get to cleaning and scrubbing the cupboards. I'm trying to decide what to make for dinner - B mentioned a stir fry and we have all the ingredients now as standard pantry fare.

I am nervous about the arrival of S24's car tomorrow. It marks the beginning of a new time in more ways than one. I do expect that OM will be involved as I can't think how else my ex will get the car from the dealership to here as S24 can't drive without someone else in the car. I'll probably be outside painting when this happens. Not looking forward to it - but divorce is the gift that keeps giving I suppose.

I have sent S24 a note suggesting that he and I (very specifically just the two of us) should do brunch on Father's Day this coming Sunday.


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Glad you got to meet S39, even if it was brief. Grandkids are the best and I'm sure you will grow to love their appearances in your life and your space.

Happy vacation! smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
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Wednesday! I'm stiff and sore and a bit sunburned but the front porch has a first coat of paint on it. Since I'm on vacation I've been getting up at 4:00am with B and sitting with her while she has her morning coffee then scampering back to bed for more sleep when she gets home from work.

This afternoon we're headed about an hour drive away to the local CostCo and to have dinner with some good friends of mine. The first "real" set that B will meet. I think she's a bit stressed about it.

I think that B is settling in here even to the degree that she's accepting the cats. On the couch this morning I had B on one side and Amy on the right and B was playing with her across my lap. Given the chaos and poor living conditions that I know that B has had for the last 2 years and the stress and drama of the couple of years before that, I think that she's finding it comforting and relaxing to be here. And certainly very very different.

B had to leave late afternoon after relaxing watching me paint the porch to deal with some S39 drama. By the time she got home an hour or so later, I had dinner just about on the table. Nothing fancy - comfort food. Creamy tomato soup, grilled cheese sandwiches and a couple of sausages to add some extra bulk and protien to what would normally be a lunch meal.

Since I'm on vacation this week I had a long list of things that I wanted to accomplish both inside and outside. Several of which I would have liked to have B involved with. Given a rainy day on Tuesday, I pulled everything out of the cupboards and scrubbed them down and the re-arranged. B was there for some of it and gave helpful input on where things could be moved to. A number of items are being purged either to donation or being sent to the cottage.

Since I'm also on vacation more than the usual amount of beer has been consumed. B teases me about it from time to time which I take both in good humour and also as a second incentive to cut back. She asked me if I'd ever been drunk since she moved in which I assured her that I had and that if I'd had more than I had on those occasions I would have fallen asleep. She was happy I think to say that she felt that I was a "happy drunk". She's said multiple times that she has no problems with driving if I want to have some extra. For me - I want to cut back for a variety of reasons the main one being health. It's not doing me a lot of harm other than the carbs but it's certainly not doing me much good.

S24's new car was put in to the garage yesterday when I was off to the farmer's market. I was a bit surprised as it would have required his mother to actually take time off work. He seems nervous about the whole thing as he is now making payments out of his savings. I did see from the forms he left sitting on the counter that his mother has put him on her insurance as well. All very good things. I did have to drive him "in to town" to go to the bank to pick up the auto-withdrawal permission forms but that was no big.

On a whim I did have a security camera running in the kitchen - the old tablet that normally is sitting on the counter. I felt a bit bad about that but was reassured and unsurprised by the fact that my ex was not visible nor heard inside the house. It was obvious that there was no one else home and so if there was a time that she would have been there - that would have been it. I still worry a bit about the arrangements for driving practice but by the sound of S24, that's a short term thing as he intends to get his next level of driver's license as soon as he practices up parallel parking and 3 point turns.

Well - the tea pot is empty - time to put on some sunscreen. Go across the street to the garden centre for some plants first and then get back to painting. I'd hoped for B to assist with the plant selection but she never really showed any interest.


A bien tot mes amis.


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Struggling with an issue that probably isn't an issue.

My week's vacation is coming to an end. As usual I'm trying to stuff in as much stuff around the house as I can. B and I did get out on Wednesday night though for dinner with my best friend and his wife. I knew that it went well when I came back from using the 'loo and they were all chatting away animatedly.

One of the side effects is that I'm exhausted. B and I usually wake up around 3:30 - her alarm goes off at 4:00 and since I'm off I go down with her and we catch up on the news until she goes to work and I go back to bed for another couple of hours. I've been exhausted much of the week but a lot has gotten done.

Yesterday given a slightly inaccurate forecast of rain I decided to do one of the big inside projects and spent most of the day in the workshop making some new blanket boxes from a sheet 3/4" plywood. I have drawings that make one big and one small box out of one sheet. On a whim after I finished all the power tool work I suggested to S24 that he drive me in to town for a beer run. He was grateful for the practice, cheerful, we ran a couple of errands and he did a good job of parallel parking and eventually we got home and I started the assembly / glue up.

Later I was relaxing in front of the TV - something I rarely do - and a bit stressed / worried because B was a couple of hours over-due for getting home (she ran some extra errands). S24 comes in to the living room, requests that I turn off the TV and then proceeds to tell me off about wanting him to move out of the house and joking about it with friends - the whole "cooking with cheese" thing included. He mentioned 20S as well.

This baffled me. I said that yes I did want him to move out and be independent but that he was welcome to stay as well and that there was no pressure. Having said his piece, he turned on his heel and retreated back upstairs to his room leaving me baffled.

B eventually got home and I had actually accidentally timed supper almost exactly right. We had a chicken stir-fry - and I told her the story. She goes in to "fixer" mode both then and again this morning until I request that she back off on this and also her requests that I sit with a book today - which is undoubtedly something good but I do have so much that I want to get done.

I'm still struggling with the rant from S24, short and polite as it was. Where the heck did that come from right out of the blue with no warnings of any sort and about something that had been openly discussed since he moved home 2 years ago.

I do know that he's under a lot of stress having now gotten a car with payments. From his comments when we went for a drive it would appear that there is no solid plan from his mother to help him practice - no huge surprise that she did the shiny part but not the work - but certainly a disappointment.

Well - time I suppose to get more things moving along. Just wanted to get this off my chest.


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Andrew,

I think you've accomplished quite a bit this week. Try to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day and all of those things that you want to do will get done in time. The weather has been all over the place and I have a feeling that some of your projects were out of doors and couldn't be done because of the weather. You got your boat ready, you've run errands, had dinner out w/Be and friends, gave the porch a fresh coat of paint, picked up some flowers to plant and made blanket boxes. So, it's time to sit down for just a wee bit and relax because come Monday morning, you'll be back at work once again. Take some time to smell the roses and just breathe!

As for your son, he may have been mulling over the moving out bit and if his job isn't working out, he could be feeling the pinch knowing he now has a car payment. Also, he may have been having some discussions w/his mother and she may have pointed out some things to him which he is working on in his mind. Whatever the reason, you need to have a nice chat w/him (again) and reassure him that he is welcome to stay. I do think you did the right thing by asking B to back off. This is an issue between you and your son and her stepping into the middle of it won't sit well.

As for the 20S, he may be more resentful of the fact that her stuff is still there and yet, he felt like you may have been more than happy for him to be out the door. BTW, since he brought this up, maybe it is time to have 20S come get her stuff. Your son moving out (on his own) may sit better w/him once her stuff is gone.

I am not surprised that his mother did the shiny part and not the hard work. Looks like you'll be having him drive you around until he takes his test. The more time he has behind the wheel, the better.

Just my two cents.


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Just a thought about S24’s ‘rant’,

It could have emanated from a throw away remark from his mum. She may have said to him words along the lines of,

“Oh, now B has moved in, they want you out”. These words may have sat in his head for days making him stew a bit.

Just my tuppence worth.

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Thanks job / Westo.

Yes - I think it's safe to say that I'll need to step up and get S24 out driving. I expect that he'll drive tomorrow morning when we go out for Father's Day. He has no specific plans but does have a plan to have a plan smile

Had a couple of interesting chats at the car dealer on Friday while I was waiting for my car to be serviced. My salesman who S24 and his mother dealt with said that she seemed nervous and even said that she was uncertain if he would do business with her as he and I were friends which he brushed off. The finance person (whose mother and mine were best of friends) said that my son was the spitting image of me at the same age. Engaged, personable and even sounded like me. She said that my ex was perky and cheerful - although she perhaps doesn't recall the relationship.

It does seem that some rules got stretched in getting S24 the financing as he is unemployed. Since I'm not the cosigner I'm not too worried about that.

The finance lady was happy to know that B has moved in and joked that her chances with me are shot now. In social media she shows as being with one of the mechanics from the shop but in chatting it was all about her challenges as a single mom of late teens.

One thing that did surprise me a bit was that OM was nowhere around although the salesman said he was mentioned once - presumably with the logistics of getting the car home as S24 requires a co-pilot.

Originally Posted by Westo
Just a thought about S24’s ‘rant’,

It could have emanated from a throw away remark from his mum. She may have said to him words along the lines of,

“Oh, now B has moved in, they want you out”. These words may have sat in his head for days making him stew a bit.

Just my tuppence worth.
I think that I could give you a pound's worth of change on that tuppence Westo. None of us can actually know what is going on in his head nor his mother's.

B - in the brash outspoken way that she has - which she gets away with in part because she's not family - does ask S24 about his job hunting etc and where he might want to move to. She's also offered to help get him to interviews etc and I do expect that she'll offer to help him practice driving as she gets off work around the same time as his mother does in the early afternoon.

My ex was and presumably still is a very possessive and controlling woman. The general consensus is that she's pretty upset about things, but then again none of us can know. She cashed her monthly payment without comment as usual this morning so no changes there. Personally, if any of this makes her step up and take a more active role in her son's life and to encourage him to become independent and start living life more fully, I'm all in favour of it. I'd actually been waffling again about asking her to help when she did it on her own. Having S24 on his own two feet and established before winter is a good thing.

Well - off for my shower and errands. B has been out at the cottage with S39 and 5 of the grandkids and I need to pop out there this afternoon and be seen. And to also get a very missed hug and kiss.

Steak is planned for my solo dinner tonight and meatloaf for Sunday Supper. Let me know if you'll be by and I'll set out another plate and glass.


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I am curious as to why S24 put the cart before the horse and bout the car before he got his license? And I would say without a job that the car is in his mothers name. She’s taking a big risk financing a car for someone who doesn’t have income.

I’m going to take a stab at this here. I think S24 had an outburst because This woman who just moved in is asking ( which is pressure) when he’s getting a job and moving out. Needs to be said, yes, but not by her. I probably wouldn’t take too kindly to a woman my dad just started dating and moved in asking me about that stuff. My dad should be doing that. Hey, I’m on the team if he needs a job and needs to become independent, but that would never be for me to say to him, right? The people that comes from should be the ones finding him to live as he is. I’m sure she has good intentions of wanting to see him succeed and grow up, but the source isn’t going to let him view it that way.

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I was kind of concerned about the comment “which she gets away with because she’s not family” comment too. Was that meant affectionately or do you think she was out of line?


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Thanks Ginger / JujuB

I have the facts on the outburst. S24 had been chatting with 20S when she perhaps teased him about us wanting him to move out. He over-reacted and confronted me.

We talked about it again this afternoon - both apologized - he knows that while I want him to be independent as he does too that he is also welcome here.

It's all good. Hurray for honest communication.

Originally Posted by JujuB
I was kind of concerned about the comment “which she gets away with because she’s not family” comment too. Was that meant affectionately or do you think she was out of line?
What I meant is that I'm so used to walking on eggshells both around S24's mother and to a lesser degree him that it's odd when someone like B - who is used to a loud family and who is an "everybody's mom" speaks up. It's generally taken in good humour all around.


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