Thanks Andrew! I am gonna regret this.. Ex-h changed the plan again. Third time in 3 days and i have NO SAY. Eventho he will be driving through here tonight on his way to see D23, he wants me to drive D16 to his place. Last night, he was gonna have her pack her stuff for the week-end and pick her up on his way. Remember he took the week off next week right? Well Monday, she has a dentist appointm. to remove her braces in ex-h' s town.. HE CAN' T TAKE HER!! He knows i have booked my doctor' s appoint. since he was off and suppose to take her. Arrrggggg...
This morning, i want to work for 2 hours. I got home and had a message to get D16 around 10h00. She should be done her exam. Good thing i came home or i would not have known he was not gonna be here. Anyway, we are both home now and he will pick her up at noon. At least that is what he said on the machine. Lets wait and see again.
D16 had a big smile on her face when she got out of her class and now has somewhat of an attitude. She said her week-end was alright
I am back on escitalopram. I am off for the next month and councelling start on monday. For anyone dealing with high anxiety or depression, my doctor told me to look up Katie Byron. I did and i get the point. Why do i question myself when ex-h makes an accusation on me? 90% of the time, those accusations are things he does and project onto me. I still get defensive and thorn up for days.
I will use Katie' s work this summer and beat this anxiety.
D16 is doing fine. She still has no way of contacting anyone. I do not know how long this will last. It is up to ex-h to get his plan in motion. One thing all of them are realising ( and where me being a mom and feeling replaced) i do not control what goes on in his home. I cannot make decision on how he will handle being a father. I AM NOT HIM!!!
I have some advice to add, but you have never really taken kindly to what I have to say. But, if you care to hear it, let me know.
I will share my thoughts on an exercise in empowerment. How would you handle D16. Come up with a game plan as a mother as to what would be the best way to hand your D16’s situation? If Your ex’s wasn’t around, what would be your plan of action?
Also, does OW do things to try to replace you? Do your kids act like she’s replaced you? Or is this just your perception because you are hurt?
A mom can not be replaced. I had to be battle having another woman in my daughters life since she was in infant. My daughter is almost 12, and while they have a good relationship ( thank god) I most certainly never have been replaced and I am her mother.
I can also tell you that putting your feelings of being replaced on your kids ( not saying you are doing that) will cause them to distance, not come closer
I hope in counseling you focus on healing yourself and helping yourself with your anxiety and depression, rather than your ex. You should be your primary focus. You are independent of him you are absolutely your own woman. Love her and nurture her
The issue on hand was drug abuse. Drugs provided by her bf. The best way to address this was to remove her from that environment. Since i did not succeed by adressing it on my own, the next step was getting ex-h and the law involved. Protecting her while adressing the issue.
I've put my house up for sale and i am planning to move South where her siblings will be close by. Even by doing this, i don' t even know if she would come and join us.
For now, today she had her braces removed and she is beautiful. She is in a good mood. She did inquire about her return to work which i had to tell her she most likely would not return.
There is also a trip we had plan for next week-end and she would like to come. I need to tcheck with ex-h. Thursday, she has a dentist appointm. to see what is left to do as the finishing touch on her teeth. We already know she needs a filling by the gum lines. The Orthodontis said not to wait too long to fix it. She said to try and have her in next week. I did not make any calls since i was told by ex-h, they were gonna go in a road trip visiting and camping. Gone for 2 weeks.
To my surprise, he asked if i made the appointm. and i reply no, you told me you were going away on vacation. He told me to book the appointment for next week. Also, he asked my opinion about letting D16 going to get her stuff at bf and saying their goodbye to eachother. He would be present right by their side. I said, but does she realise she needs to get away from him for her sake? Otherwise, this will be an act. He thinks she does.
I am very impress by ex-h. In a very positive way. D16 is definitely his priority right now.
I posted yesterday that my XW seems to be winding down her crisis. Maybe your XH is winding down also?
Either way, it is nice to see that he is making your D16 a priority.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Tad, congrats again on the new baby! I saw your updates. I don' t post very often on other' s threads but i do follow a few on here. You are one of them.
D18, at supper time tells me: "dad is creaping our old group.you know the one about D23' s grad." "He just texted me a -wow, you guys have been through alot. I am so sorry this happened."
I told her: " no one has ever disrespected him. None of us called him names or belittled him. Two things will come out of this. He will realise how this has impacted us or he will try to build a case against me which will have no ground. I am not worried.
She said: we would never disrespect our parents.
Me: i know!
6h00 pm ex-h came to pick up D16. Me: i' ll pick her up at 9h30 am thursday. She will have her tcheck up. If they can fit the work into my spot, i will let her have my appointment which is at 3h40pm.otherwise, i will try to schedule for early next week so you do not lose your vacation time. Also, Son will be here. He also has an appointment at 2pm. Therefor, i will bring her back in the evening.
Ex-h : no problem. ... i am not taking her to bf for goodbyes. I looked into her phone and he has been messaging her all day, everyday. Sappy crap. I gave her a tablet for now which she will need my password to get into. As for a new phone, i do.not know when i will get her one. Did you want her sometimes this summer for vacation or anything?
Me: we
Ex-h: who is we?
Me: me, the girls, son will join us if his gf is not working, are going to spend the week-end with D23. D16 would like to come to. If you agree, i would pick her up friday evening and bring her back sunday evening.
Ex-h: why don' t you keep her here Thursday? Bring her back only sunday. Easier for you this way.
Change of heart by D16. She does not want to come with us. Angry stage and barganning.. trying to have permission to go to a dance and stay at a friend' s house. The friend in question is not trustworthy. My answer was no. Ex-h was undecided and told me the answer would be no aswell. When i drove her back last night, i noticed a beautiful dress and shoes in her bag. She won' t give up trying..
If ex-h allow her to go, she will be unsupervised here, in my town where bf lives. If he allows it, it will be to spite me and ruin my week-end because he knows darn well i would not let D16 unsuppervised.. Lets wait and see.. For now, me and D19 will be leaving this afternoon to meet up with Son and D19' s bf for supper and then making our way to D23.
I just tealise i still refer to D19 as D18.. lol her bd was not long ago..
i know!