Hooray! My divorce wasn't even particularly contentious but I felt like throwing a party when it was done! Not because I wanted the divorce - I didn't - but because I was so darned happy to be done with the process!
Congratulations Hamburg! Thankfully my XH and I did not need to go the court route. Everything is done on my end except the final decree which should come at some point soon. I know exactly what you mean about it being bittersweet. Initially it is not what any of us who come on here wanted but it is the fate of many of us. The best thing to do is to make sure that you and your kids' health and safety needs are taken care of and then get to a place of acceptance and move forward. To do anything else is just prolonging the pain. I, too, feel like a huge weight has been lifted and am looking forward to building a new life. (((HUGS)))
Congratulations on getting the divorce done today. I know it's been an up hill battle...but you will feel so much better and that awful weight will be lifted off your shoulders and now, the next chapter of your life begins.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's a strange feeling, to say the least. I am single for the first time in 16 years. I thought I would be more upset, but it's more if a numb feeling. The past 11 months have been filled with a whirlwind of emotions, planning, moving on and wondering about the next step.
I have informed the kids in a gentle way. They are excited to spend more time with me (50/50 vs exp standard). I cannot explain how important that is to me. She stonewalled at first, but money was motivating to her.
Her parents reached out to me. They all had another catastrophic blowout and are not sure if they will ever speak again. They have invited me to visit them with the kids (they live out of town). I am planning a trip for next month.
She has enough money to be taken care of for a while. I hope she is cautious with it. I still care for her and hope she is ok. I have always pictured her coming back and apologizing. That would at least bring some closure. The mediator said to expect that when the money runs out. We shall see.
Kids and I are going on a short trip this weekend. This will be the first overnight trip we have taken somewhere as a single parent family.
It will take some time to get over that "strange/numb" feeling. After all, your emotions were on "very high" alert for quite some time and now that it is over a done with...your body needs to readjust and calm itself down.
I think it's great that her parents have reached out to you. They probably do not understand everything that went down, but they are very much aware that their daughter went a bit over the top emotionally and has done quite a few things that were not normal for her. I would enjoy my time w/the parents, but try not to share too much of what went down between the two of you.
As for her apologizing, well, she may or may not do so. They tend to apologize in a half @ss way and sometimes it does not sound sincere. You will not get the closure that you are looking for from her, but you will find closure in your own time as you forgive her along the way. When the money runs out, she'll be back trying to play the victim and poor me card to get more from you and do not be surprised if she uses the kids as the main reason for needing additional fund.
I hope that you and the kids enjoy your short trip. All of you need this time to unwind and just relax.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are spot on about being numb. We do worry that will we be upset and things will be so much worst than they actually turn out to be. Once the divorce is final, that’s it - no more worry - all those feelings have nothing to gain purchase too within you. Pretty strange at first. It does take time to settle in to your new normal.
You now have first hand experience seeing how emotions get uncoupled from a future event. The irrational has nothing to hold on to anymore. See this, understand this, and apply it to other areas in your life; the fears.
This doesn’t remove feelings, in fact quite the opposite. It brings about acceptance, removes paralysis, and ushers in such a freedom and forgiveness. You feel more, and it doesn’t hurt.
Have a wonderful Father’s Day. Enjoy your weekend trip with the kids.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
So the ink has yet to dry (in fact, a judge has not signed yet) and W already reintroduced the kids to OM. For those unfamiliar, he is of poor quality. Formerly on drugs, no job, arrest for domestic assault, lives with his parents. Per our tear-filled chat about 6 weeks ago she swore to wait 3 months or so. It stings really badly. She is on a path of destruction that was modeled in her childhood and remains in complete denial about it. I have not spoken to her about it at this point. Need advice on how to handle this one.
