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I love ears dropping on your conversations smile


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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LOL... you are always most welcome FS.

AS - I have never thought of myself as an extrovert although next to Jack, I am one step away from being a stand-up comic...lol. I think I am extroverted when I am comfortable and when I’m not, I’m pretty good at faking it. I used to be a newspaper reporter so I’m good at “interviewing” people and I am curious about them. Jack has been a bit of a challenge for me in that regard. I am 99.9% sure he isn’t hiding anything major from me (like a double life) but it is hard to get information out of him. Honestly, I think I just make him think about things he doesn’t really think too much about. He once texted me that he was outside “chilling” and enjoying the weather. I texted him, “contemplating life?” and he replied, “well...not contemplating too hard.” I think that was actually quite accurate...lol. He seems to just live his life in the present and doesn’t spend too much time reliving the past or predicting the future. Lots of people say that but I think he really means it...lol. I think if I am going to get access to his inner world, it is going to be very gradually. At least that has been my experience so far. Maybe I should just try to get him drunk...lmao. That might be funny.

My spring league play offs start tonight. Ugh...it is 30 degrees outside and pretty sure the pool hall does not have air conditioning. I wish I could just skip it but if me and my buddy don’t show up, our team has no hope of winning. He’s already texted me to make sure I am going so I’m committed...lol. Speaking of...gotta get ready. Sending lots of (((HUGS))) to all you DBers out there!!!

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Happy Fathers Day to all you great dads out there!!! Hope you all have a fantastic day with your loved ones!! (((HUGS)))

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Weekly update time... Not a heck of a lot happening in my world other than more of the same. Jack was over on the weekend and he and I went out for dinner and to play pool on Sunday whilst by kids went to their dad's with their grandma for Father's Day. This was the first time MIL has met the OW. Awkward for all but my STBXH (cause he's THAT obtuse when it comes to things like this), I'm sure. I saw MIL briefly yesterday and asked how things had gone. She didn't have a whole lot to say... their house is nice but a lot smaller than ours...the OW is a "farm girl" (hence the chickens) and soft spoken...the house is decorated according to her son's tastes so she doesn't think OW gets much input or just defers to him...everything was "pleasant"...OW is nothing like me. I didn't ask for any more info. I don't want to put her in any more of an awkward position than she is already in and, truth be told, I barely care about it. I've seen OW and he has told me enough about her (when he was trying to convince me they were "roommates") to know that we are nothing alike and he for sure has ended up with someone he can feel superior to. That was never going to be me or his first XW for that matter. At least he's figured that much out.

I'm getting company on the July long weekend. His cousin and his aunt are coming to visit. They don't have any real interest in seeing STBXH. They are salt of the earth religious people and do not approve of his behaviour. They have watched him put his mom through the wringer so I think this is pretty much the last straw... and they don't even know about the OW as his mom doesn't talk much about him...too ashamed of him I suspect. I don't blame her. He's given her lots of reasons to feel that way and I doubt he is done.

My time with Jack this weekend was a lot of fun as usual. He is probably the most physically affectionate person I have ever had a relationship with. He is always putting his arm around me or holding my hand or wanting to cuddle when we're watching a movie. It is such a far cry from my STBXH who just ignored me. I'm very affectionate as well so it is great to be back in touch with that part of myself. With STBXH, I was only a little bit affectionate because deep down I think I knew my affections were not well-received. Eventually, I just stopped trying and went into self-protection mode. Ugh...I cringe when I think about how long I put up with his treatment of me. Never again...

This weekend is just me and Jack and no kids. Am I an awful mom that I look forward to it so much...lol? I LOVE my kids to death but honestly it is so nice to have a couple weekends a month where I only have to worry about me. I can get up when I want, eat when I want, I don't have to drive anyone anywhere... it is just about me. I was starting to see the benefits of this when it was just me by myself but now that I have Jack in my life, I appreciate it even more. It feels like I am in my mid-30s again which is helpful since that would make me the same age as Jack...lol. I found out today that two committed couples I know have 12 years difference in their ages so I'm not as worried about the age difference as I used to be. It still bothers me sometimes but I am resolved to just take things one day at a time and not waste my time trying to predict the future. Given my track record, I'd probably be wrong anyway...lol.

Hope all is well in DB land. Love and (((HUGS))) to all!!!

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DV,

It's such a pleasure to read your updates, and especially to read of your burgeoning happiness with Jack. It is amazing that something which started out as something of a lark (how big is the age difference again?) has grown into something quite real and durable. Credit to you for being open to it! Keep enjoying it!


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Thanks Davide. My relationship with Jack is growing at a nice pace and it is getting easier to not think about the age difference (it’s 13 years). I feel myself holding back from him emotionally though which is a nice change for me as I usually go all in way too soon. I’m taking my time and taking each day as it comes. I am in a good place emotionally. smile

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:-)

(((DjV)))


WW H(me): 53
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T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
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Originally Posted by DejaVu6

This weekend is just me and Jack and no kids. Am I an awful mom that I look forward to it so much...lol? I LOVE my kids to death but honestly it is so nice to have a couple weekends a month where I only have to worry about me. I can get up when I want, eat when I want, I don't have to drive anyone anywhere... it is just about me.


No, not at all! I think that's a very healthy attitude! I love my kids too, but I do enjoy my alone time when S is at his mom's (both D's are grown now and no longer in the nest). At first it seemed miserable to only have the kids half the time, but after a while I learned to make the most of my time with them, and my time without them.

Quote
I found out today that two committed couples I know have 12 years difference in their ages so I'm not as worried about the age difference as I used to be.


Believe it or not there is 30 years between my GF and me. We get along surprisingly well despite that. Or maybe because of it? The biggest adjustment was getting used to the stares. I'm so used to it now I don't even notice it unless it's really blatant. I mean we're kind of asking for it though, in addition to the age difference we're both covered with ink and she dyes her hair all kinds of crazy colors. Early on I struggled with thoughts of how "wrong" that much of an age difference was, and how I'm bound to die well before her, and age a lot sooner than her, she's beginning her career while I'm at the tail end of mine, etc. etc. But at the end of the day what really matters is we love each other very much, we enjoy our time together a lot, and despite the age difference we actually have a lot of common interests. It's been 4 years now and we really don't even think about the age difference anymore. She has really energized me and made me feel younger! I've always been high energy and my XW struggled to keep up, so my GF is actually more of an even match physically.

So what you're going through regarding your thoughts on the age difference is normal I think, but you'll adjust to it and eventually forget about it!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Hi All.

Just dropping by to update a bit. Not a lot going on in my sitch except for status quo. I picked up the petition for divorce from my STBXH's lawyer yesterday. Felt nothing other than irritated because they had some facts wrong including my last name at birth. Texted STBXH and he said he would take care of it. Also...got an unexpected bonus in my bank account. Because my STBXH and I agreed to a May 1st separation date (one that was five months earlier than BD when he was secretly living his double life) and used that as our date of separation with income tax, the government decided they owed me money because I had been a single parent for all of that time. So...I got a $1,900 deposit into my account. It occurred to me briefly that maybe I should give some of that money to STBXH since I had the benefit of his salary at that time BUT then I thought, "H3LL NO!!!" I earned that money putting up with his bullsh*t for all of that time. smile

Been spending way too much time texting with STBXH trying to get summer plans organized. The texts have been friendly and cooperative. He asked me to let him know if there was any time this summer that I wanted to myself and to let him know as he would work around it. I guess guilt has its uses. Regardless...you can only really forgive so much and even though I have moved on and I harbour very little animosity towards him, I am resolved to keep him at arm's length...I do not want to be his friend. The less contact I have with him, the better.

My relationship with Jack is pretty much status quo as well. I continue to see him every weekend (with the exception of this one coming up) and we have a great time together. I don't know how compatible we would be longterm but I figure that will become more evident over time. He continues to be erratic with his texting. Sometimes he gets back to me right away and sometimes it takes forever. For instance, the last text I got from him was yesterday at the end of my work day. I was at pool playoffs last night and texted him a couple of updates at around 8:30 p.m. No response. It is now 9:15 a.m. and still... no response. I invited him over for dinner tonight and still have not received a definitive answer about whether or not he is coming. I'm not going to text him again until I hear from him so that may or may not happen.

This weekend I am getting house guests which is why Jack won't be coming over. STBXH's aunt and cousin are coming for a visit. I really like his cousin. She is an identical twin, like me, and has a huge heart...also like me. She is somewhat loud and can be a bit grating at times but she is a salt-of-the-earth person and would give you the shirt off her back even if was her last one. She has been through a ton of cr*p with her family (husband had a stroke in his early 40s and can't work, son is chronically depressed, needy elderly mom relies on her) but still faces each day with a smile. That's my kind of person. STBXH can barely stand her which is okay because neither she or her mom have any desire to visit with him. He blocked her on Facebook because he knew she would not approve of what he was up to. That's my STBXH...he can do the crime but he can't do the time. If you don't agree with him, you're out of the picture. Little does he know that there are some other family members he should have blocked but he will figure that out over time. He made his choices...he has to live with the consequences. Anyway...I know his cousin really wants some girl time and I didn't think it was the time to introduce my boyfriend (and he would feel super awkward anyway) so he is going to stay home. They leave Tuesday morning and I'm off next week so I'm sure we will get some time together.

Well...that's about it for me for now. Hope my Canadian friends on here have a great Canada Day on the 1st and my American friends enjoy their celebrations on the 4th. Sadly, the 4th is more of a melancholy day for me as it was the day my dad passed away in 2005. For me the 4th will always be a day of remembrance.

Love and (((HUGS))) to all!!!

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Well... I called it. My STBXH is as big of a dumb a$$ as I thought. He is engaged. [insert eye roll emoji] The wedding is next summer and they want my children to be part of the ceremony [insert vomiting emoji here]. How did I find you, you ask?? My STBXH came and told me in person? Nope...that would require a shred of decency and a thimble full of courage...he has neither of those things. Nope... today I got a text that simply said “hi?” I texted back the same thing. The person then said they had a new phone and had lost their contacts so had no idea who I was. So I say, “well who is this?” And then I realize cause I look at the top of the texting string and it says “hi...Jack” [not really but they do share a name so she is Jack too...actually I will call her Jackie.] My daughter had texted her from her iPad and was somehow linked into my phone. So just as I realize this, I get a text saying “This is STBXH’s Jackie..sorry..your daughter added me and she didn’t think you would see this.” So I text something about how that hasn’t happened in a while and that I texted STBXH to fix it. I thought that was it but then I get a text a few minutes later that says “nice to sort of meet you...probably too soon for you but it will have to happen someday” with a HEART EMOJI!! WTF??? So I reply... “I am sure you are a nice person Jackie but meeting my husband’s affair isn’t on my top ten list so yeah, way too soon. Thank you for being kind to my children.” So I think that is it but no... I get... Affair? That just isn’t true. I’ve been cheated on before and I would never give that pain to someone else. Sorry you FEEL that way. I hope we can be civil in the future and not harbour resentments.” AGAIN... WTF??? Sorry I FEEL that way? What? It’s not a feeling, it’s a f’n fact. So I respond with the facts... STBXH’s double life, the date of our actual separation, and a few other factoids like he didn’t admit she was his girlfriend until March of this year and other things. And then another text... “I will look past the bitterness of that one...blah, blah, blah...I know STBXH wasn’t a great husband to you but he is a good man inside and is being an amazing dad. And then a bunch of drivel that she has “kicked his a$$ enough that he has been totally honest with her.” Really... he told you about his four years of fake medical treatments, that he missed two Christmases, that he went on a Disney Cruise and told me it was a prize for excellence in teaching. The lies were numerous and epic. And then... “I should tell you...because STBXH will be too scared to...we are engaged and the wedding is next year. I would love for your kids to be in the ceremony if you let them.” Anyway... I told her good luck and that I hope she is right about him and that I know she thinks she knows all there is to know...but 14 years of experience tells me she does not but that she will have to figure that out for herself.” All in all...it was a reasonable cordial, if not surreal, exchange and I got to throw some truth darts her way.

So....he is getting married. I had anticipated this and wondered how it would affect me when I heard. I did not think I would hear it from his affair but whatever... I am happy to report that it bothered me for a couple hours and now I’m over it. It’s not that I’m jealous...I’m not. It is more about the fact that he never seems to experience any consequences for his behaviour. He leaves behind a wake of destruction and lies his a$$ off to people and he seems to always land on his feet. Just once...just once I would like the Karma bus to hit him so he has a taste of what he has put others through. Does that make me a crappy person??

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