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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852558
06/11/19 03:47 PM
06/11/19 03:47 PM
Joined: Jun 2017
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Holding Offline
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Houston
J9, I'm happy to hear the Dr. has reciprocated your feelings!

What kind of response were you hoping for from your XW about your dating status? I'm personally with JuJuB in the "that's none of their business" camp. Maybe it hit her hard. Maybe she looked at it and laughed. Maybe she doesn't care. You felt telling her was the right thing to do, you've done it, and now it's time to continue kicking @ss!


Me-47,XW-43
S13,S16
M:18
BD:4-23-17
W filed:7-17-17
(5 months of in-house separation hell)
W moved out:1-6-18
D granted:2-15-18
Decree signed:3-29-18

Your future is out there. Go find it.
Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852584
06/11/19 05:58 PM
06/11/19 05:58 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,716
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TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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I guess at minimum just acknowledging that I was trying to communicate so my daughters didn't surprise her. I don't expect her to care but being appreciative of letting her know so she wasn't caught off guard if my daughters said something.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 45, W: 44. D: 9. D: 7 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852588
06/11/19 06:12 PM
06/11/19 06:12 PM
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The level of reciprocation in communication is so unbalanced with me and my W it's not even funny. I have no idea why she can't even send an acknowledgment for a message that I have sent - esp when it's regards to the kids. I sense your W is also at the same level. Maybe it's indifference, anger, meh etc. I have given up any expectations from her and you should too. Yes, it's kinda bizarre and for them to want to have a civil relationships, their actions are not aligned with that sentiment.

At this point, you did your part. Now let it go and live your life.


No one is coming to save you!

Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852590
06/11/19 06:18 PM
06/11/19 06:18 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,716
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TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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Well the XW just responded to my email said thanks for letting her know and asked if she had kids. That's all I was looking for.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 45, W: 44. D: 9. D: 7 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852593
06/11/19 07:31 PM
06/11/19 07:31 PM
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See, you got what you want. But you are probably going to get more than you want and shes going to ask some questions!!

Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852597
06/11/19 08:10 PM
06/11/19 08:10 PM
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Posts: 3,716
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TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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Yeah, maybe but I am ok with it. She just needs to remember though that I did not pry into her personal life or pepper her with questions about her BF. I told her that I trusted she would not bring someone into our daughters lives that would not be a positive influence.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 45, W: 44. D: 9. D: 7 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852700
06/12/19 04:24 PM
06/12/19 04:24 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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Well the Dr and I are going to meet each other's kids on Saturday. That would make it a little over 5 months. I know it's not 6 months but the Dr. has never waivered from who she has been then entire time so I feel very comfortable with it. Outside of a magic number of 6 months I am not sure what another 3 weeks or so is going to tell me about her. Granted we have not had an argument yet but I am not going to put everything on hold until that happens. Her and I have just been very easy. No drama, no one circulating in the background, no tracking who texts who first, or who initiates what, it's just been very easy.

I am a little nervous for my girls just because they have never seen me with anyone other than their mother. However they have been around their mom's BF, I assume have seen them kiss, touch, hold hands, etc. so they will be ok. I am little nervous for myself as well just meeting her son, what that means, etc. No one has ever met her son before so I feel some pressure for that reason.

It will also be interesting to see her in mom mode. Sometimes it is hard to believe that has another life that I have never seen before. It's hard for me to picture that side of her when all I see are the week night get togethers or date nights on Saturday night.

It's just all kind of crazy.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 45, W: 44. D: 9. D: 7 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852708
06/12/19 05:04 PM
06/12/19 05:04 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
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Dawn70 Offline
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Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
Yeah, maybe but I am ok with it. She just needs to remember though that I did not pry into her personal life or pepper her with questions about her BF. I told her that I trusted she would not bring someone into our daughters lives that would not be a positive influence.


Ok, so you wanted her to say something but now you don't want her to say too much? I'm confused. LOL But then again what is new? I would think (or maybe I should say hope) that both of you want what is best for your kids and you are going to trust the other's judgment in making that happen moving forward. I don't see a reason for either of you to be asking a whole lot of questions or delving into the other's personal relationships unless something comes up that is detrimental to the kids and needs to be addressed. I think it confuses me why you and Andrew and some others seem so intent on worrying about what XW thinks or feels or says or whatever. But then again, my situation was different and our kids were adults and when my XH walked away there was no reason for further communication so I guess my experience is just different from yours. I must say, I got lucky with mine.

Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
Well the Dr and I are going to meet each other's kids on Saturday. That would make it a little over 5 months. I know it's not 6 months but the Dr. has never waivered from who she has been then entire time so I feel very comfortable with it. Outside of a magic number of 6 months I am not sure what another 3 weeks or so is going to tell me about her. Granted we have not had an argument yet but I am not going to put everything on hold until that happens. Her and I have just been very easy. No drama, no one circulating in the background, no tracking who texts who first, or who initiates what, it's just been very easy.


While I understand why people were saying wait a minimum of 6 months, but I don't think that is a "magic number". As I say ALL the time, you have to do what works for you. If you are ready and she is ready, then proceed. Y'all know each other and your kids better than any of us, so 6 months is really just a suggestion, not something set in stone or proven through any actual research. Again, I understand why people said that, but my point is, you have to listen to advice but temper it with what works best for you, knowing all the ins and outs of the situation. I think it is great you are meeting kids. I understand the pressure both ways and hopefully y'all will navigate that ok. In some ways, that seems to make it somewhat more real, too, I would think, because that is the one part of your lives you haven't shared yet. Good luck with it all. I hope everyone gets along well.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852714
06/12/19 05:25 PM
06/12/19 05:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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kml Online
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The reason for 6 months as a minimum is just to have enough time together to get a pretty good idea that you are going to be together for a LONG time. Your kids don't need to "date" your dates - too much loss for them when those relationships break up. Sounds like you are feeling pretty positive about this relationship and I agree, 3 weeks probably doesn't make much difference in your situation.

What I WOULDN'T do is jump right in to being the Brady Bunch. Take it slow. You don't have to go from first kids' meeting to spending every weekend together with kids. Meeting the kids will give you the chance to see how each other are as parents and a heads up if her kid is a monster of some kind. But I would still keep kid interactions at a slow pace after this for a while.

Also, cool it on the PDA at first. I was 15 when my mother first started dating after my father's sudden death from a heart attack a year earlier. It was still VERY WEIRD to see my mom with another man.

Re: Moving on to the Brightside Part 27 [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2852715
06/12/19 05:41 PM
06/12/19 05:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
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Relax dear brother. Everything is going to be fine. Enjoy your present. Be proud of your girls, be proud of who you are J9.

So relax. And stop the mind reading!!! ;-)


WW H(me): 49
W: 44
T: 24 M: 19
S: 14
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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