Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

[CanBird]

Thank you for your post Destroyd. I've thought about talking to friends or family regarding our situation, but I'm a very private person. H is the same. I'm not sure anyone can really help. I'd rather be get advice from outsiders, going through similar situations. All the same, I appreciate any advice and wish you all the best on your journey.

[CanBird]

Okay...

[CanBird]

Thank you Cadet. DR will be on order asap. I need something to read.

[CanBird]

Missing H today. I was scrolling through last years text messages, when he was away at sea. No hint of anything unhappiness. Lots of I love yous, I miss you.

I'm not contacting him. He's busy at work. I need to give him as much space as possible. Geographically we are just that. Father's Day has crossed my mind. How do I deal with that? I'm not sure which way to go. I don't want to hurt him by not doing anything, from our daughter, but I don't want to contact him so he has space.

Any thoughts?

[job]

I would get a card and have it going from your daughter or your daughter could get arts and craft and make a card for him.

Keep it simple, nothing mushy.

[CanBird]

Just finished reading "Sandi's Rules". I printed them so I can review them as needed. A lot of the rules are things I'm already practicing. And with H being away for work until November, it will be really easy to apply this. Guess it's kind of a blessing that we have this time apart.

I like to think I'm a positive person, and always try to look at the brighter side of things (if possible) in moments of darkness. I'm wearing an invisible headlamp to lead the way.

[CanBird]

I ordered DR. Being alone, without H, until November, makes this the perfect opportunity to read this material.

Before I read "Sandi's Rules", I almost considered sending H the same book!. SO glad I read those rules. I'm on my own journey, as is H. I know he reads a lot in his spare time, and whatever he does is up to him.

THANK YOU DB's!!

[CanBird]

Hi again. Just read about "Going Dark". I'm already there, as mentioned throughout my posts, I'm without H until November. Do to his work at sea, it's difficult to communicate anyway. I've always let him contact me, since I never knew if had a good connection.

So there you have it. GD because that's what the universe had planned for this journey.

Keeping positive.

[CanBird]

Thanks job.

Thanks what I had in mind. We have an arts & crafts class tomorrow, so we'll get crafty.

Cheers

[LB55]

Hi CB,

I am sorry that you are here, this is a good place to learn, vent, and better yourself.

I am one that understands your situation with work and sea better than most here. I am the sea going one, have been for 21 years now. I have deployed 7 times, 13 years of time at sea, missed all kinds of holidays, birthdays, the birth of my D, etc.

What you are going through it really tough and while I can't say for sure what your H is dealing with, it is his issue to resolve. Same with my W. Its her problem to work through. She is angry at stuff that happened in her past before we were together and has decided that I am the problem and by getting rid of me that her problems will cease to exist. I can't fix it for her.

Being gone is absolutely the most difficult thing. I was gone for a year, and 3 days before Christmas I got served divorce papers with restraining orders when I got off the airport shuttle(I was expecting my W and kids to pick me up in the parking lot; instead some fat guy came and gave me papers at 10pm that said i couldn't go home and I was left to fend for myself). The most difficult day of my life. I survived. You stated that you don't email him because of connection issues. Email will sit in the queue until its delivered most times. I would encourage you to send him stuff about your daughter, pictures, stories, etc. While he may not want to deal with you right now, he will still notice sending him stuff about your daughter. It will mean something to him. Just don't try and sneak in a relationship talk, short wordy jabs, or other stuff. Make it a safe way to communicate instead of an off limits ineffective one. My 2 cents on that topic.

So in summary, work on yourself, do what you think is best with your time between now and November, and make yourself a better woman. Remember you can't make him want to work on it no matter how much you want him to. I would love to work on things with my W, but she doesn't want to right now. So is all I am doing is listening when she wants to talk. I've become a much better listener through all of this, I am learning all kinds of new skills that will help me whether we are able to come back to each other or not.