Thanks for your responses everyone, I appreciate the support.
Sandi I really appreciate all the time you have put into responding to my situation and great advice you have given me and understanding. Your caring of my situation really means so much to me. Thanks for you tips about lawyer, I wrote up questions, but feel a little nervous about the meeting.
I believe you are correct that she is talking to other woman (her Mom who did same thing when my WW was a child) and is trying to build up a case for full/sole custody. The big question I have for lawyer is do I respond and clarify allegations or just ignore them. Without guidance I feel whatever I do right now is a lose lose situation. I have had my own concerns on her side of things but have just kept them to myself/documented. I don't really want to get into a pissing match. It's really making it hard to focus on what I want going forward with contact from her asking about schedule and this and that every couple of days. Hoping lawyer helps me out as I really need time to clear my head.
She makes these accusations and demands and at same time says she wants to be "amicable"....so frustrating. Her vision of amicable is accept my demands....or its court, she can't negotiate or discuss and no talk of mediator.
"conduct yourself with honor & dignity"....I'm not really the one to bad mouth anybody and haven't said anything to the people that have commented, just been appreciating the support.
Kids had another activity tonight and she brings him out again....they come right over and sit with me (and one child) my scheduled evening with kids. So confusing for kids at just 5months since she left. There was a break so I took kids both kids away from them for a bit and when came back sat elsewhere.
Originally Posted by LH19
Wow! Bringing OM to your kids activities while still married is the lowest of the low. That also tells me he is a complete loser and just her lap dog.
Yes I have heard some stories of OM being a shady character in past business dealings, failed business, money problems. He is less physically attractive than myself (not gloating here by any means). He lives in a dumpy rental in town and we have a beautiful home and hobby farm. I really do no understand the draw. Honestly I can't see it lasting....I saw at the kids activities out of the corner of my eye after I had moved seats that they weren't even talking (I know she would be angry that I moved myself and child away from them). Also noticed she has been putting on the pounds....she takes kids out every day she has them rather than cook half decent meals for them. Prior to separation we always ate pretty healthy and only had fast food maybe once a month. I've kept the home routine as stable as possible for the kids with meals, bedtimes, rules, homework, screen time etc. Seems like a free for all on WW's side when she has kids.
Detaching has been going better as she is starting to disgust me with her actions/attitude etc. Coaching kids sports went great last night. The married moms seem to be hanging around and talking to me after coaching...I guess its just sympathizing but its been nice to talk to some people....been pretty lonely other than my parents and kids.
Sandi, does this apply even if she is not wayward? I see similar signs of love in my exW and desire to play family but difference is her anger has decreased and is rarely angry. She goes out of the way to do nice things but is resolute about the end of the MR.
I'll drop by your thread and try to answer your question.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, does this apply even if she is not wayward? I see similar signs of love in my exW and desire to play family but difference is her anger has decreased and is rarely angry. She goes out of the way to do nice things but is resolute about the end of the MR.
I'll drop by your thread and try to answer your question.
Thank you, Sandi! Your perspective will be helpful to me
My WW's mom was a WW and has taught this to my spouse (who is now a WW). It appears she is reliving her Mom's life. My WW is showing, by very poor example, my daughter how she has treated a marriage and her conduct involving another man etc.
How do I break the cycle? How do I educate/protect my daughter?
Very disappointed in the lessons my WW is teaching our children at this time.
Kids had another activity tonight and she brings him out again....they come right over and sit with me (and one child) my scheduled evening with kids. So confusing for kids at just 5months since she left. There was a break so I took kids both kids away from them for a bit and when came back sat elsewhere.
OMG! This is very inappropriate of her.
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I believe you are correct that she is talking to other woman (her Mom who did same thing when my WW was a child) and is trying to build up a case for full/sole custody.
Her mother was not a good role model. Is she still living?
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The big question I have for lawyer is do I respond and clarify allegations or just ignore them. Without guidance I feel whatever I do right now is a lose lose situation. I have had my own concerns on her side of things but have just kept them to myself/documented. I don't really want to get into a pissing match. It's really making it hard to focus on what I want going forward with contact from her asking about schedule and this and that every couple of days. Hoping lawyer helps me out as I really need time to clear my head.
Yes, ask lawyer what you can do legally, or what lawyer advises how to deal with her demanding and uncooperative behavior. If it means getting a court ordered schedule, it might be less stressful......and cool her heels a bit, but IDK. Just a suggestion.
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She makes these accusations and demands and at same time says she wants to be "amicable"....so frustrating. Her vision of amicable is accept my demands....or its court, she can't negotiate or discuss and no talk of mediator.
She is a bully. Ask lawyer the best way to shut her up and leave you alone. If WW is always threatening court......then you just might have to call her bluff, so to speak. However, I am not a lawyer, so IDK. You need a lawyer who shows interest in your rights as a father, and in protecting you from her threats.
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Yes I have heard some stories of OM being a shady character in past business dealings, failed business, money problems. He is less physically attractive than myself (not gloating here by any means). He lives in a dumpy rental in town and we have a beautiful home and hobby farm. I really do no understand the draw.
Not uncommon for the WW to pick an OM who is less successful, attractive, etc., than her H. The H wonders why, and my answer is to remember what I said about her benefiting from something. He may make her feel like she's the sexiest woman that ever walked the planet, or the most beautiful....or whatever. Right now, she feels she is benefiting something from this guy. My OM was less attractive than my H, but he was successful, represented power & leadership, made me feel good in ways my H lacked.
If you have just cause for the OM staying clear of your children, you can ask your lawyer if there is a chance in getting a restraining order against him being anywhere around the kids. Again, it's just a suggestion.
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I saw at the kids activities out of the corner of my eye after I had moved seats that they weren't even talking (I know she would be angry that I moved myself and child away from them).
No offense against you, but I'd dare say that she has used anger to bully you in the MR......and she's still using it. She's like the mean kid who makes an angry face, balls up her fists and says, "You better not make me mad, or you're going to get it!"
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Detaching has been going better as she is starting to disgust me with her actions/attitude etc. Coaching kids sports went great last night. The married moms seem to be hanging around and talking to me after coaching...I guess its just sympathizing but its been nice to talk to some people....been pretty lonely other than my parents and kids.
Disgust is an effective detaching tool. I'm glad you are enjoying coaching. Be careful about those married moms!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi Thanks again for all the time you've allocated to me.
I had meeting with the lawyer and despite my nervousness it went great. She is tough, seems to know her stuff and is going to help me push back on allegations, schedule and her demands which feels like it has lifted some weight off my shoulders. She thought my WW right now sounds very chaotic and I think seemed concerned about kids too.
Yes her Mother is still living. That's who my WW is currently staying with when she has the kids. Both teaching my daughter now.
No offense taken...she bullied through stonewalling all the time, but especially since (when I believe) affair started.
Lol! Yes I will be very careful around the married Moms!
Yes brother we are here if you want to let out your frustration and anger. Sorry that you are having a tough night.
The cruel vindictive bully crap where nobody is more important than her is the most unsettling thing for me. If my W wants a divorce then let’s get it done. Doesn’t seem like that is what she wants u til she had punished me enough to feel better about herself. It’s horrible.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
