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Bet that put a damper on her future plans.


I had to hold back laughter in the courtroom. Hahaha!

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I can’t believe you got that in your divorce decree. What if she remarries?


I didn't ask for that. I only asked that current OM not be allowed around S. Neither me nor my attorney asked for or expected it. But the judge decided to add this himself presumably since she's already broken this rule several times. There's no language in there giving her an out if she wants to get married, so...not my problem. laugh

Currently, W lives with her mother. "Mother" bought a house here in town that W is actually paying for, so she has an automatic, built-in babysitter if W decides she wants to go do something overnight. If S ends up resenting her for it, that's unfortunate. I'd rather that not happen...but she wanted to take this path, so she can deal with the fallout.

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Also, does this block out overnights with any woman who may come into your life?


Nope. It's pretty much strictly a penalty against W. The only way to make it stronger is to include women in it, since she has been known to date women as well. I may need to bring that up, although I doubt W would do that as much since she's living with her mom now.

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I’m 11 years in so I can see things much different from here.

Your son won’t resent your W. Who cares about her. Your son will feel like he is t wanted around to do stuff with them.

If it is a new guy who seems decent, I would let up on this. It’ll only end up hurting your son. Trust me.

I can’t remember, was OM bad to your son? A danger?

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If it is a new guy who seems decent, I would let up on this. It’ll only end up hurting your son. Trust me. I can’t remember, was OM bad to your son? A danger?


Nah, same OM as before (#4, really) who was raising cobras in his apartment and has a criminal history. He's not allowed to be around S unless W is there to supervise. But OM and W have both said it was just a casual thing, except W seems to think she has/had feels for the dude...which she said about OM #3, and it's kind of a pattern for her. She's just a mess, and that's her problem. I didn't ask for that stipulation, and it's not my problem. W needs to learn to be a responsible adult, and I'm not gonna do that...but I'll definitely be fine with a judge doing that at this point.

I've got plenty of my own consequences to deal with because of the mess she left behind. She can deal with this one. S and I have actually been doing a lot better. D is still pending, but we're just waiting for her atty to quit messing around with the final decree (trying to manipulate the amounts of child support). I'm taking on all of the debts except for some IRS debt. She's basically getting out mostly free and clear except child support since S lives with me, so she's trying to get that down or eliminate it so that I can't handle the money situation, fail at life, and she swoops in like the hero and tries to get custody back (after willingly handing it over).

Lately she's been doing little things to try to get back around me, like today she wanted to see S knowing that I'd have to be around her to hand him off. It's not her visitation time, she saw him Wed and Thursday nights, and the entire week before that because I had to travel with work. It's subtle, but it's a thing I've noticed her doing. When she hears that I'm doing well, she tries to get all friendly to kind of check up on me. Not really interested in letting her do that lately.

I wanted to save it, she went full narc. Never go full narc. I don't play well with abusive people.

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Just got a text from W.

She's asking if there's a chance to put the family back together.

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Tread lightly.

I would suggest Something like. "Wow. Not sure. That is a lot to consider. I need some time to gather my thoughts around that."


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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bm, Just for you:

Do not let her back without doing the work and earning her way back. Or you'll end up right back here again one day.


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Originally Posted by blakmac
Just got a text from W.

She's asking if there's a chance to put the family back together.


What are your thoughts on this? She seems to temp check you fairly regularly, do you think this just another temp check or does it seem different? Where are you on possible recon after all she's put you through?

Agree with Steve's response, if you're intending to respond at all.

EDIT- the fact that she texted this makes it seem a little contrived. I think I would just not reply at all, if it's really that important to her she can tell you in person and then you can hit her with Steve's suggestion.

Last edited by AnotherStander; 06/17/19 04:26 PM.

Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by blakmac
Just got a text from W.

She's asking if there's a chance to put the family back together.


What are your thoughts on this? She seems to temp check you fairly regularly, do you think this just another temp check or does it seem different? Where are you on possible recon after all she's put you through?

Agree with Steve's response, if you're intending to respond at all.

EDIT- the fact that she texted this makes it seem a little contrived. I think I would just not reply at all, if it's really that important to her she can tell you in person and then you can hit her with Steve's suggestion.


Yes, do this!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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What AS said, just slow play everything. You really need time to consider everything, plus she needs time to show consistent actions. Keep expectations low.

Good luck.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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blakmac Offline OP
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Tread lightly.


Just gonna catapult myself clear over this minefield. Heh.

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I would suggest Something like. "Wow. Not sure. That is a lot to consider. I need some time to gather my thoughts around that."


I didn't respond at first. Then she copied the text over to the monitored app (probably because I uploaded a screenshot for documentation). When she sent the same message in the app, I just went with "why did you send that?".

She said something about spending yesterday afternoon talking and thinking about me while making a Father's day gift with S, and we had some bad weather last night that scared her. She called me to make sure I was ok last night. Then the message this morning.

It feels like a hoover attempt. It doesn't add up based on her reasons. Maybe that's part of it...but she didn't freak out about dying (part of what she told me about the storm) when she wrecked her car a few weeks ago, so I doubt that's really it.

I think it's because she knows she's losing in court.

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Do not let her back without doing the work and earning her way back. Or you'll end up right back here again one day.


Oh, neither of those things are happening. For sure.

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What are your thoughts on this? She seems to temp check you fairly regularly, do you think this just another temp check or does it seem different? Where are you on possible recon after all she's put you through?


I think she's realizing how hard things are about to get for her, and me taking her back would get her off the hook for a lot of consequences in her mind...and in reality.

I think it's a ploy.

I am not at the point where I want to see her in person. She's done way, way too much. She requested that we only communicate through OurFamilyWizard except for medical emergencies regarding our son. I've stuck to that. The only person that's broken that agreement has been her.

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Keep expectations low.


I'm gonna need a bigger shovel. lol.

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