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oohh! Yeah. I didn't know that was the timesplit with the Dr and her ex with their son. I can see that being a sensitive issue with the girls - maybe a bit more so when they're older. I know your girls are the same ages as my kids and I think you have some time to get them to a place of stability and acceptance with that. But I think take the challenges you may have now with the girls and the Dr, rather than borrowing problems from the future. I don't think you can completely avoid it, but maybe you can mitigate it.


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When I told them she had a son and his age they giggled. They have also not seen me be affectionate towards any woman since their mom left over 2 years ago so I do suppose they will be observing. I think it will be a little weird for me initially as well and I assume the same for the Dr. as her son is in the same boat. It will definitely be a feeling out period for the both of us.

In many ways though my XW has absorbed the burden of most of it since she introduced her BF to them over a year ago. They should be used to it by now since they have spent time with them.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I just have to say... your daughters sound so cute!!! What direct and very valid questions!

I think a lot of little kids will always want their parents to get back together. Divorce is just so disruptive to their lives my heart goes out to them. But at the same time, the little ones seem to love the chance to show off for a new person. My son has actually said to me I’m these exact words “mommy, you deserve to be loved. You’re a really good person” I have no idea where he got that from.

When I was dating ex bf, I only introduced him as a friend and that was something my son understood. But he’s also a bit immature socially.


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They are really good little girls, they are kind, funny, and not little a__holes.

I think for a while I carried the burden of being the one to put our family back together. That the hopes of that happening for my daughters all resided on me. I think in some ways that way of thinking has prevented me from completely moving forward. I know that is not fair to me but it's true. That feeling is not as strong as it used to be but it still lingers some. It is rearing its head a little bit as I continue moving forward with the Dr.

My XW never responded to my email yesterday advising her of my dating status with the DR. Again I informed her out of courtesy in case my daughters mentioned something to her. She did text me yesterday acknowledging she saw something that came through on my dating status but she wasnt sure if it was a text or email so I had to tell her what email address I used. I thought it was kind of weird but whatever. She never responded so I guess she has no questions.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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The most my ex ever said was “OK”. One time in the beginning he thought I was dating some guy ( which I wasn’t) my daughter brought up. He did get mad. But he was actually the maintenance guy in my apartment complex ( my D “loved” everyone at the age of 3)

My daughter has no problem for me dating. She loves it. They do just want to see you happy and a new person is actually exciting to them

Just a warning no one gave me. Little girls to turn into little A-holes when they hit the 6th grade. I was not prepared. You got some time.

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Ha...yeah they seemed pretty excited. They even asked if she had a 2 story house.

I didnt really no what to expect with the xw. It still baffles me that someone that I shared 17 years with doesnt seem to give a crap but I suppose I'll never understand why she feels the way she does towards me. I guess I would rather have no response than some scathing, nasty email. I have stayed out of her business and have never pryed, made disparaging comments, etc. So hopefully she will do the same.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Me and my ex do not share that type of info with each other. I would not have told ex, because I do not want him knowing anything about my life. He is basically cut out from me - He finds little tidbits about my life through my son - births, deaths but not through me. I treat him as a paycheck and someone I’m forced to ask for permission from when i want to take son on a vacation. I would not want him to think im telling him about a bf because I want him to feel jealous. I think he would think that and I don’t want to give him anything.


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
My daughter has no problem for me dating. She loves it. They do just want to see you happy and a new person is actually exciting to them

Just a warning no one gave me. Little girls to turn into little A-holes when they hit the 6th grade. I was not prepared. You got some time.


I totally agree with G. Your kids, no matter how young, want you to be happy. When you are happy, they are happy. So, yes, there might be some bumps in the road as you navigate bringing everyone together, but those bumps will be outweighed by the love your daughters have for you and them seeing you genuinely happy. And, if I recall correctly, the Dr's son is younger than both of your daughters, so Lord help that boy but they are going to probably mother hen him to death (in a good way). I bet it will be super cute.

Oh and I agree with G on another thing too......little girls DO turn into A-holes. But, y'all can all rest assured that once they are past the sullen and insolent teen years and grow into actual adults, it really gets better. They become human again somewhere in their early 20s. wink I've lived through all that and more importantly, all my daughters have too. LOL


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Well my youngest is already kind of an a hole at times so maybe the reverse will happen with her.

The main reason I told my xw was to hopefully open up the lines of communication between us if she had questions. I know she doesnt care but I also thought as their mom she should know that they will be meeting soon. She extended me that courtesy when it came to her bf so I felt it was right to do the same.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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J9 - We can't help but wonder / be worried about how an ex will respond. What I keep trying to remind myself is that their reaction changes nothing and isn't one worth responding to or worrying about. I'm not doing too well on that. For 90+% of us here, it was them and their actions that deliberately ended the marriage and if they're not happy about the results - well that's just too bad.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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