It is amazing what we can get used to and tolerate for the sake of our kids and our marriage vows.
Not that my ex was horrible - he wasn't, and I do have some good memories of certain times in our marriage. But almost every man I have dated since my divorce has made me feel more APPRECIATED than my ex did through much of our marriage. His OCD perfectionism spilled over onto how he viewed me, and even though I know he DID love me at least in certain parts of our marriage, his inability to be satisfied with how things were in his life (all aspects, even though he had a great life) also extended into our relationship.
I'm so glad you have met someone who seems to be kind and shares a similar lifestyle to you. Just take it easy and keep enjoying it.
Most of my happy memories pre-dates kids. The older she got the more selfish she got. Maybe she got overwhelmed with the kids and couldn't manage everything I don't know. I was and am a very involved father though so it wasn't like she was a stay at home mom or a single mother working trying to provide. I did just as much as she did so who knows.
Thanks K....so far so good. Just taking 1 day at a time and I am realizing that having similar lifestyles is crucial.
Had a good weekend with the Dr. She got a little tipsy on Saturday night but it was all good. I told my daughters yesterday that I had a girlfriend. They asked me to show them a picture, my oldest asked me if we met online, my youngest asked if we were getting married, my oldest asked if she had any kids, and they both said "cool". No kid introductions have happened or have been planned at this time. I am going to send my xw an email just to let her know in case the girls mention something to her about me having a girlfriend. I would rather her hear from me than them it is out of courtesy.
Not much else to report. I will see her again on Thursday and then Saturday night. I feel very comfortable around her, no anxiety, no stress (outside of what I place on myself), I don't question her feelings or her intentions. She has been as advertised since day 1. In many ways I know we are still getting to know each other (she is kind of quirky and a little eccentric) but at times it feels like we have been together for years. There is just a comfort level between us. She told me on Saturday that she feels like I just "get" and understand her. Truthfully I don't know that I do (yet) I just sit, listen, and soak it all in, validate and don't pass judgement.
That said I do find myself being a little nervous as things advance between us and more people find out especially now that she has started posting on SM and tagging me in posts. I know it's part of the process but I find that a little nerve racking. I think part of it has to do with my xw and hoping that this doesn't ruin a very cordial and amicable co-parenting relationship. I have buddies who had their xw's go off the rails once they found out there was a girlfriend in the picture. I think I am also nervous for my girls as well. Daddy has never had a girlfriend before so I hope it doesn't impact them in a negative way. I think they will be ok as they have been around their mom's BF so it shouldn't be that big of a deal to them.
I still go to the gym and do my thing daily, I have my girls this week and they are in summer camp. My youngest is playing bball this summer and my oldest volleyball. We went boating on the lake yesterday, got some rays, had a few adult beverages then had dinner at the Marina. I got sunburned, might be slightly hung over but I still made it to the gym! I do look forward to including the Dr and her son in on these activities.
The party was with her friends on Saturday so I met a couple more of hers. Due to timing she didn't meet mine however when we were driving out to her ranch my good friends called so they chatted for a minute in the car. This Saturday they will be meeting in person.
I hope your exW doesn't flip a lid. She's had a bf for over a year now right? So, she's allowed to do that and you're supposed to become a monk? If she flips the lid, i'd be tempted to laugh in her face. It doesn't make sense that she'd react poorly to it. But hey, BD and all of that didn't make sense either so this could very well happen.
I am more concerned about how your girls will react. They've not had to share you with anyone else so far, and now they will. We as adults know this is different, but kids don't see it that way. Your girls might see it as someone new that their dad is sharing love and affection with, whereas in the past it was only reserved for them. You might want to keep that in mind. Kids might not be able to articulate it that way, but they could get jealous or feel like they're not the priority now to you.
This is the main thing that I am going to have to figure out when I have a gf that I introduce to the kids. They will need to understand that the new person is not taking any love and affection away from them.
Like Maika said, hopefully your XW won't flip out since she's had a bf for awhile. I just don't understand that. I mean, I'll admit, I initially got upset when I found out my XH had a girlfriend, but I was upset not that he had someone, but that he'd already started seeing her while we were still married and he'd lied to me on several occasions about her existence. But, he's her problem now, bless her. LOL
I'm glad you told your girls. Kids are intuitive, even when they are young and I'm sure they see that their dad is happy and that makes for happy kids. Sounds like everything is going really well.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Hey M.....my mom said the same thing. Essentially she has no right to get mad....she wanted the D, wanted to move out, wanted to date, found herself a boyfriend, and she gets mad at you????? I certainly hope that is not the case.
I think what I am most sensitive to in this situation should the Dr. and I progress is the fact that she has her kid 95% of the time so I would essentially be full time parent to her son and only getting my daughters 50% of the time and how they would feel knowing I am with some other kid more than them.
That is very concerning for me but it is for another time.
