Done with a WW and moving on

[SoTorn]

Hello everyone,

So, I have been posting in the newcomers forum. I was married for just over 18 years. EXWW cheated with her boss who is 20 years older than her. Had no remorse, treated me horribly and still does. EXWW is full on NPD.

ILYBIDLY was in August 2018. Confirmation of PA October 31, 2018. Dropped the rope hard, PA is dealbreaker. I met a new woman 13 years younger in January 2019. Was very hesitant (insecure) but it felt right so I continued seeing her. She lives in another state so we don't see each other that often. When we do we really enjoy our time together and get along extremely well.

D finalized May 15, 2019. Bittersweet as my family is over, but I am no longer legally attached to this horrible NPD woman. I have found a new place to live and will be moving out June 1, 2019. I have been IHS with EXWW since September 2018.

New woman also went through a D even though she is younger. I feel that her experience has made her very mature. Both of us get along very well and our communication is on point. This new woman is extremely transparent, up front, nice, caring, non-judgmental and non-critical, empathetic, supportive etc. She is a very good woman and I am glad I met her when I did. The situation with my M and with her M led to us meeting.

I feel she is a keeper and so far all I have felt is happiness when I am with her. Minor disagreements are easily worked out with simple communication. Futures, goals and expectations are very clear with both of us and out in the open. As of now, she will continue living in a different state and seeing me when she can. Her D reset her life completely. Both of us are being very patient with everything. Life will provide what it needs to provide, everything happens for a reason and everything that is supposed to happen will happen when the time is right.

I have three kids, 19D, 16D, 12S. All three of them are doing well. D16 is dealing with depression. The depression was triggered by EXWW pulling away from the family when she started her A with her boss early last year. EXWW started traveling 80% of the time and pulled all emotional support from the kids and I. Everyone felt it and it hurt our family badly.

Regardless of the situation, my relationship with my kids is very strong. I have made significant changes in myself, dropped 100lbs etc. I am a very different person than I was three years ago. I ended up with a significant sum of money due to the divorce. I am more than fine financially. I am actually ahead pretty far because of all of this. I may look into investing in a friends business or even launching one myself related to my hobby in the automotive world.

I am in a better situation mentally, physically and financially than I have ever been. I guess I can thank my EXWW for this. It hurt, but my life moving forward is going to be amazing. I can't wait to move out and live life on my own. My new GF will visit me probably once or twice a month and stay with me for about a week at a time.

I will have my kids half the time, every other week. My GF has met D16 and S12 and they really seem to like her. She also likes them. Again, as of now, nothing is changing in the R with GF. She isnt going to visit me when I have the kids because we both want my kids to get used to their new life with just me. Eventually we will slowly introduce GF into doing things with the kids and I.

Just going to allow my R with my new GF to progress however it needs to. GF has goals and I have goals and we learned quite a bit from our failed Ms on what is needed to have a good R. In all of this I have learned my value. I have learned my worth and know that I am a good man. I know what I deserve and I expect nothing less. I know how hard I have to work to make a good life for myself and my kids. I know what needs to be done now and know I will be fine on my own. I know that there are other people in this world willing to appreciate me for who I am and not my past mistakes.

I am to the point of indifference with my EXWW. I don't have any feelings for her good or bad. I just want her to leave me along and not be involved in my life beyond being my kids mother. I have no reason to see her ever again beyond major events like graduation for the kids etc. I have a large family here, my EXWW has two people here and doesnt get along with either of them because they are all NPD personalities. I look forward to the future.

[JujuB]

Great post and glad to hear how great your doing. I agree. I don’t think these waywards are in crises.
Just narcissistic or perhaps selfishly disordered (as I cannot diagnose).

[neffer]

Hi ST. Good to find you here. Keep doing what´s working for you and the kids. You are their role model now. Sure you´ll honor that position.

As R2C says "what is best for my kids is best for me".

Keep shining there man!

[SoTorn]

Absolutely. I am showing my kids how an adult handles this situation. How you don't let someone mistreat you and control you.

EXWW is back from her out of town trip. She is consistently traveling again and staying longer to be with OM. I don't care. I actually enjoy her being gone.

I move on June 1, 2019. I can't wait to have my own place with zero influence from my EXWW. She is so NPD its ridiculous. I got up this morning. She says "good morning". I said "good morning". She asked if I was going out of town. I had already told her I was and when.

I confirmed that I am going out of town tomorrow and coming back Monday evening. Just like I did when I planned it. On the way out she asks "Did you buy S12 new clothes?"

I havent bought him clothes. I plan on taking D16 and S12 shopping for some new clothes to keep at my house when my EXWW pays me the rest of what she owes me per the D. They both know this. I just responded "no". Instead of leaving it alone EXWW says "So you just went and bought yourself more sh*t?".

I have bought quite a bit of new clothes for myself because I lost 100lbs. I shop at a cheap store and not the mall.

In my EXWW's eyes I am supposed to fail. I have to justify her actions by failing, by being irresponsible with money, not paying bills, having bad credit etc.

The reality is that I found a house to live in, qualified for it, got a great rate, have excellent credit, have extra money for me and my kids WITHOUT child support, even though I qualify for child support, and have no issues paying bills.

I am just so glad to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't believe I wasted time on this person when she literally does not care about me at all and goes out of her way to tell and show me that.

[JujuB]

She’s just looking for ways to vilify you. A lot of these waywards project their selfishness on to you. They also look for reactions. I think when they pick fights like that, it’s best to remain polite and not acknowledge what they say. Only acknowledge the logistic stuff or phony fake polite stuff. . (Like don’t explain yourself about the weight loss to her. That gives her power because you are justifying). Non acknowledgment drives them crazy and keeps yourself protected.

[SoTorn]

Thats what I try to do. She literally told me I was vain because I dress sharp every day now. I didnt even acknowledge it.

Im not going to lie. I am hurt. I honestly dont love my EXWW anymore. But the fact that my family is officially destroyed saddens me deeply.

Getting the email with confirmation that the D is final brought a huge wave of sadness over me. I accept it and know I deserve better and that my kids and I will get through this.

I just cant believe that someone who had everything they ever needed with their family and husband would do this to everyone. Such an unbelievably selfish and hateful thing to do to those who love you and rely on you.

I admit that I had faults and admit my poor decisions in the past. But I never turned my back on my fanily and mever even considered cheating on my EXWW.

Over the last three years I have made huge strides in bettering myself. I got the help I needed to be mentally healthy and shed all of my toxic behaviors.

Everyone in my life, especially my kids saw these changes and have since drawn much closer to me. My EXWW chose to ignore my changes and continues to do so.

I know my changes were for me. But I wanted to be a better me for my family and I did just that.

At least I can say that I tried. I tried to be the man that my family deserved. Even though my family is over I can still be that man for myself, my kids and for anyone who wants to be a art of my life.

I am a man that a fool left.

[Dawn70]

Welcome to this corner of the world, SoTorn. I didn't read your posts in newcomers because I don't go back there anymore, so I appreciate the info in your first post here.

You said near the end of your most recent post "even though my family is over". I hope this doesn't sound harsh when I say this, but I think that attitude is kind of unhealthy. Your family is not over. You still have children and you can still have an amazing relationship with them and be the best dad you can be. Your family as you once knew it that included your XW is over, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Your family is not over, it has just changed. Continue working on yourself and being a good dad. Work on those things that are important - yourself and your kids. You got this!

[JujuB]

Great point Dawn! I receive more help and support from my family right now then I ever did from my ex husband. It’s so much healthier and better now with him.

[SoTorn]

Welcome to this corner of the world, SoTorn. I didn't read your posts in newcomers because I don't go back there anymore, so I appreciate the info in your first post here.

You said near the end of your most recent post "even though my family is over". I hope this doesn't sound harsh when I say this, but I think that attitude is kind of unhealthy. Your family is not over. You still have children and you can still have an amazing relationship with them and be the best dad you can be. Your family as you once knew it that included your XW is over, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Your family is not over, it has just changed. Continue working on yourself and being a good dad. Work on those things that are important - yourself and your kids. You got this!

Its not over. I know that. But the family as I viewed it should be is over. Again I know that I will be fine. I am happy with who I am. My kids trust me and love me. I will be there for them always and be their rock. It just pisses me off that my kids have to deal with this. I am from a broken home. My EXWW and I always promised the kids that they wouldnt have to deal with what we dealt with as children.

But now they have to. Fortunately I am stable, financially and mentally and can handle this. They can see that and it gives them strength. I am not negative about it at all. I just show them that I love myself and that I am happy and show them that we will all be happy and we have a lot of good times to look forward to.

[SoTorn]

Just got back from my Memorial Day weekend trip to see the GF. EXWW was home all weekend so she had the kids and I let her know I would be gone. I hope they had fun. I called and talked to my three kids every day this weekend. They seemed bored unfortunately. EXWW doesnt do anything with them at all. She will take them to do something once in a while. But for the most part she just sits in her room on her phone with her BF and the kids do their thing.

I will make sure to keep them busy. I am not going to just let them sit around doing nothing on my time. My GF found this absolutely stunning AirBNB. If anyone has been to Canon City, CO, you know how pretty it is. We found this old home that had been sold to a broker. The broker was converting it into sublets for Airbnb. The apartment we stayed in was on a hill that on each side ran the Arkansas river. It was silent, no light pollution at all. You could see every star in the sky.

The apartment was perfect. It was so nice, so romantic and serene. To say I had a great time is an absolute understatement. I really enjoy spending time with my new GF. She is younger than I by 13 years, but she is very mature and recognizes the need for a high level of emotional intelligence. I have honestly never been around someone so genuinely nice. I look forward to seeing her again.

Just waiting to go do the final walk through on my rental home. I am almost all the way packed up. I came home and EXWW took the family pictures down finally. She previously only removed pictures of us. Thats fine. I don't need to look at that stuff. I have a ton of pictures of my kids. I have a ton of digital pictures and I am proud of what I accomplished with my family before all of this. I will look back upon my pictures and remember that I am a good man and a good person and that I did my best.

EXWW seems to be scrubbing me from the house now that she knows I am leaving. Thats fine. She took all of my pictures and paintings and other wall ornaments such as deer antlers etc from my hunts and put them in my room. I also came home to my wedding ring on my nightstand. I literally have no need for it or desire for it. I asked the kids if they wanted it and the dont. I am going to sell it to a smelter. I could use the money for buying furniture at the new house.

EXWW planned for the kids to stay at her brothers house tonight. That really bugs because I was looking forward to seeing them and she knew this. They literally had all weekend to spend the night there. Oh well, they will be mine and only mine for a week at a time.

Looking forward to my new chapter starting.