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Rooney #2850146 05/21/19 06:42 PM
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Less words is always better. Take action.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Rooney #2850149 05/21/19 07:15 PM
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Rooney, please pick up and read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".


You cannot nice your W back. No one ever has been successful that way.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
SteveLW #2850152 05/21/19 08:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Steve85
I think you should be open to moving back in if your lawyer feels it is advantageous. Be careful to never doubledown on a poor decision.

Lawyer didn’t say it would be advantageous, he just stated the legal fact. I doubt it would change my legal position at all. The things it would change are D9 expectation and the time and space I said I would grant my wife (6 months lease on apartment).


H41 (me), W43
M10, Together 16
S18, D9

BD - Jan 19
‘Temp’ S (I moved out) - Feb 19
Rooney #2850153 05/21/19 08:09 PM
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Rooney, D9 would benefit from having her parents together as long as possible. And I gave my W time and space and we never even stopped sleeping in the same bed.

Anyway, just trying to keep giving you different perspectives. Let the legal aspect be your guide. If your L says it won't matter then that is most important.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Hi Roony, Where are you located?

Originally Posted by Steve85
I think you should be open to moving back in if your lawyer feels it is advantageous.

Agree.

Also ask L about legal protecting so W can't just take your child.


W:"What are doing back here bla bla"
H:"I decided it is best if I am here"
W:"Bla bla bla bla"
H"I understand you feel that way"
W"Bla bla bla bla


Take over the master bedroom.
W:"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? go sleep on the couch bla bla bla"
H:"I will be sleeping here in MBR, you are free to sleep where ever you like"
W"bla bla bla bla"
H"I am sorry you feel that way"



Im in the UK and the grounds for abandonment are based on consent of both parties. Consent was given (actually requested!) by W for ‘space and healing’ purposes so there are no grounds there afaik.
W knows that my apartment has a 6 month lease and so there are a couple of months yet before this needs to come to a head of some sort. I’m thinking that the above quotes are entirely appropriate in around 8 weeks time but don’t think I should panic and jump the gun. More DBing may be a better path for the next couple of months or so.

Patience is a virtue, no?

Obviously open to more opinion and discussion. This is very hard to comprehend nevermind make decisions on.


H41 (me), W43
M10, Together 16
S18, D9

BD - Jan 19
‘Temp’ S (I moved out) - Feb 19
SteveLW #2850156 05/21/19 08:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Steve85
Rooney, D9 would benefit from having her parents together as long as possible. And I gave my W time and space and we never even stopped sleeping in the same bed.

Anyway, just trying to keep giving you different perspectives. Let the legal aspect be your guide. If your L says it won't matter then that is most important.


Agree on D9 benefits. Agree the same for H and W too.

The question remains what is ‘as long as possible’ and what is the best way to get there.

I don’t believe it makes any difference here as abandonment is based on consent. There was consent (request) for me to leave.


H41 (me), W43
M10, Together 16
S18, D9

BD - Jan 19
‘Temp’ S (I moved out) - Feb 19
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 69
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Less words is always better. Take action.


Agree.

It may not be the best time to take action right now. I ‘took action’ first time around when I hastily agreed to leave.

It feels like patience and timing are important here.


H41 (me), W43
M10, Together 16
S18, D9

BD - Jan 19
‘Temp’ S (I moved out) - Feb 19
SteveLW #2850158 05/21/19 08:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Steve85
Rooney, please pick up and read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".


You cannot nice your W back. No one ever has been successful that way.


It’s on my list to buy next pay day.
I can see myself having many a lightbulb moment when reading it. All part of my 180 to recognise, understand and deal this character trait that I now believe has hindered my progress.


H41 (me), W43
M10, Together 16
S18, D9

BD - Jan 19
‘Temp’ S (I moved out) - Feb 19
Rooney #2850178 05/21/19 10:35 PM
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Are you currently 50/50 parenting? If not, how often are you currently parenting?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change

Are you currently 50/50 parenting? If not, how often are you currently parenting?

No. Currently, I have D9 2 days with 1 overnight pw on the weekend b/c D9 was uncomfortable with 2 nights. She is now happy to stay two nights (at least) so will up it back to 2 or possibly 3.


H41 (me), W43
M10, Together 16
S18, D9

BD - Jan 19
‘Temp’ S (I moved out) - Feb 19
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