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A Message from Michele
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Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2846324
04/22/19 11:04 AM
04/22/19 11:04 AM
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Posts: 1,265
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DnJ Offline
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Good Morning Babe

It is interesting that his recent rage, anger, impatience, and loss of tempter are not directed at you.

It is understandable that he will have some fall backs; lots is settling and resolving within him. His comments about his parents, remind me of when I was a teenager and wished my own parents dead. Just a healthy boy, figuring out teenage changes of body and mind - tough time when your 16, cant imagine doing it when you middle aged.

Originally Posted by Babe
his personality in returning very very slowly...

A few outbursts and loss of tempter are just that - a blip on his path. There are not indicative of his overall trend and progress - just a blip.

I enjoy following along, you are doing so very well. (((Babe)))

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me51 XW47 S22 S20 S18 D16

I may give up, but not today.
Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2846379
04/22/19 05:17 PM
04/22/19 05:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,521
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kml Offline
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Quote
I don't know what's bothering my husband, he got the rages easily and he cursed his mother and father - "why don't they just die !"

My husband was always shy, timid but nice before this crisis. I can not believe the words I just heard.

He went to our apartment with me Saturday night, he was not angry with me, however on Sunday morning, when we drove, he lost his temper again, he yelled at the motorcyclist and drives like madman. Why he is impatient so easily ?


When my ex was going through his crisis and was depressed, he became a very impatient aggressive driver.

But the comment about wishing his parents would die? That's really bad. I mean, if he had a terrible childhood because of his fighting, he could choose not to be in contact with them. But to wish them dead is really extreme. Does he stand to inherit money from them? Perhaps he sees that as a pathway to further independence or his elusive happiness.

Also - if he seems really irrational - do you have any suspicions of substance abuse, early dementia or other brain disorder than could cause a change in personality?

Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2846464
04/23/19 02:41 PM
04/23/19 02:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 144
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Babe Offline OP
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Babe  Offline OP
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Posts: 144
DnJ,
I'm calming down... it's uncomfortable to be with an irrational person though the anger and complaint are not directed to me. I think its because I had 'expectation' and let me turn it down laugh
Look a the bright side, when bomb dropped, he blamed me for everything. At least I'm not the target of his projection anymore(laugh)I appreciate your response, insight and encouragement, it means a lot !

kml,
Those curse came from someone who used to be nice and moderate is just hard to take.
Maybe, the love, hate and contradictory feeling he had towards his parents are too much. The feelings are mixed. It's not a big family he's got, one elder brother who was the golden boy; parents fought each other all the time. I once was the witness when he got bullied by his mother and his brother before our wedding. I just didn't realize the seed of the crisis has been planted that many years ago.
Before his crisis, the most difficult mission for me is to have dinner with his family; they always fight each other and have quarrel when we were halfway through our dinner... the only skill they have of communicate to each other is arguing over everything.
Frankly, I was worried that he is going to change forever; mean and vicious... I hope like DnJ mentioned, it is a blip and its a normal fall back of these MLCer.
I will not cease my prayer and I appreciate your post also(big heart)


God walks the journey with me
Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2846477
04/23/19 03:45 PM
04/23/19 03:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,114
Southern Maryland
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Babe,

I have been thinking about your h's comment, I.e., wishing his parents would die. I think that comment was made in the heat of the moment and too, the fact that they just may get on his nerves quite a bit. They have expectations of what their son should be doing and they may be voicing their concerns to him. The pressure that they are putting on him is weighing him down. I heard something very similar from my xh many, many years ago and I discovered that his mother was constantly on him about the way he was living, the person he was with, his lifestyle, etc. Parents, family and friends do not understand that crisis people need space and quiet time to get through their crisis.

I do think his behavior is just a blip on the radar. Something may have triggered his behavior and I would venture to say that he may have either been around his family or he heard from them. Continue to pray for all of them.

Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2846568
04/24/19 01:53 AM
04/24/19 01:53 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 144
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Babe Offline OP
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Job,

I second your thought of the behavior of husband; what you, kml and DnJ mentioned gave me the clue. The 'reconstruction of the house' !!

They've been expecting the construction for years even before our wedding. Now it is becoming real but they are facing the packing and moving in coming 60 days, and they have to find a place to stay even though husband is not live with them. I believe the contact between family and husband was increasing. And the next issue they have will be property dividing among the brothers...I guess.

I got nothing to do with the house matters and I'm not going to get involved.

Father in law had heart disease, he had bypass surgery last summer, he is 81 now and is getting more and more weak. He doesn't eat and takes a lot of pill but no one takes care of him(he had an affair 30 years ago and he moved out of the house for several years, my mother in law did not reveal it to me, I learned this from a very good friend of husband) Husband is pretty cold and distance compared to the moment of bomb dropped, He said his father was a person with a hard life and I'm the worst daughter in law, he showed so much emotion towards his father that time and the feelings are gone now. Non of them wants to take the old man to hospital...

Thank you Job, I will pray; there are the problems that only God could fix/solve


God walks the journey with me
Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2846577
04/24/19 02:41 AM
04/24/19 02:41 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
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DnJ Offline
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Well done Babe.

Calming down and letting answers reveal themselves. Awesome. You sound much better.

You are wise, give it to God. He will help when the time is right. Have faith.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me51 XW47 S22 S20 S18 D16

I may give up, but not today.
Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2849142
05/14/19 03:54 AM
05/14/19 03:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 144
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Babe Offline OP
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Hi everyone, I hope you had a good Monday night; husband and I had dinner last Sunday evening, I made the meal and it was Mother's day. Husband wised me happy mother's day( smile we don't have children) but that was a good one.

After dinner, he buried himself into sofa and watch tv for hours, we did talk to each other while he was watching movie; can't help wondering he went home for tv or he was really very relaxed 'at home' ?

He did not stay, as what he did last two years, he would left our apartment Sunday night, I tried once or twice, asked if he wants to stay, he refused and I've never asked again.

By the way, I passed my exam on french last Saturday, I'm going to next level !!!

Last edited by Babe; 05/14/19 03:56 AM.

God walks the journey with me
Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2849181
05/14/19 01:40 PM
05/14/19 01:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,114
Southern Maryland
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Posts: 26,114
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Congratulations on passing your French exam!

Babe, you are doing great. Continue as you have been. Okay?

Re: I get it [Re: Babe] #2849376
05/16/19 12:48 AM
05/16/19 12:48 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
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Babe Offline OP
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Oui Madame ! Will do !!


God walks the journey with me
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