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Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2849374
05/16/19 12:09 AM
05/16/19 12:09 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,835
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,835
Have a great vacay!

Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2850274
05/22/19 08:14 PM
05/22/19 08:14 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Back to the world of work today after my week-long vacation that included THE BEST weekend get-away with Sparky in the history of weekend get-aways. Y'all...................I just can't even. We stayed in this interesting, eclectic little place that was an actual train caboose that has been redone on the inside. It was private, secluded and had its own deck with nice deck chairs and table, a fancy charcoal grill and a hot tub big enough for more than just the 2 of us which allowed us both to stretch out and just relax. The first night we just hung out on the deck, grilled supper and hot tubbed until late into the night. Saturday we slept in and started out day with Bloody Marys in the hot tub. We went to an olive oil tasting room which I had never heard of but was fun and unique. The town we were in is very touristy and very liberal for Arkansas. It is known for its artsy stuff and being very open and friendly. It is definitely a unique place with a funky vibe. After our olive oil experience, we went to a local hotel that is famed to be one of the most haunted in the country and had pizza and beer at their newly-opened bar on the roof. Then, back to our hideaway for more hot tub time. We would've tubbed longer but a storm rolled through and ran us inside, so we napped and got ready for our supper adventure. Supper was a funky wine bar that served different charcuterie boards and offered a wide array of wines to accompany them. Of course a fancy charcuterie board had to be finished with a decadent dessert so we chose their one sweet option that was all chocolates and fruits. Yummy! Back for more hot tubbing and a few beers to round out our night. Sunday, hot tubbing followed by bagels, then it was time to check out. Sadly, our stay came to an end WAY too fast. Our last stop was the Christ of the Ozarks statue which is a giant 7 story tall statue of Jesus. It was interesting to see and I'm glad we did it. The best part of all of that was that we just got to slow down, relax, visit and not focus on anything but ourselves. We didn't look at our phones much and didn't watch tv at all, except for a movie in bed Saturday night. It was, in a word, perfect. I'm sorry to say the facebook pics some of you saw do not even begin to do the beauty of the area justice. But, I did the best I could. LOL I absolutely feel even deeper in love with Sparky after our trip than I did before and I wasn't sure that was possible.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2850280
05/22/19 08:46 PM
05/22/19 08:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,835
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,835
Sounds fantastic!

Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: kml] #2850394
05/23/19 04:49 PM
05/23/19 04:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
Sounds fantastic!


So amazing, kml! I can't even begin to describe how fantastic it truly was. We both so needed it.

I found out yesterday that the first person I went out on a date with has reconciled with his wife and she is pregnant. I'm happy for him and not all that surprised. I actually posted about him here some as I navigated that newness of dating after divorce. He was separated and not divorced but for some reason I took a chance, which is actually unusual for me. He was way too young for me and at the time, he told me he didn't want kids, so while I'm not surprised that he is back with his wife, I am a little surprised that she is pregnant. It has me questioning whether anything he said to me was real or if it was just a way to get sex. I mean, I don't know what his point of telling me he didn't want kids would have been since I wasn't looking for that anyway. I have kids....one who is his age, in fact. LOL Anyway, not dwelling on it and I am happy for him, but it just gave me a moment's pause wondering what was real and what wasn't.

I think I shared some stuff here, but my best friend is going through heartbreak yet again as he found out the woman he'd been interested in was seeing someone else while telling him she wasn't ready to date. I tried more than once, in a gentle and loving and supportive way, to tell him she was manipulating him and she was just using him. He kept telling me that she wasn't asking for anything and she technically wasn't, but he's a soft touch for a sob story and she figured that out quickly and soft-soaked him. He said to me more than once that he gave her money or offered her money and he she never took it when he offered it, but he justified it by saying that she never asked him for it, he offered it. Well, she didn't have to ask for it because she was good at letting him know a bill needed to be paid and then he'd just go pay it because that is who he is. Ugh....................I love him but I want to smack him. He is still trying to sit down and talk face to face with her because he says he needs closure. I keep telling him she's not going to give him what he wants, but he doesn't care. I think he thinks if she sits down face to face he can somehow convince her that she should stick around and give him a chance. It's sad really because he's a great guy with so much to offer someone. Of course, now that this woman has shown her true colors, he's back to wanting to sniff around his XW. The anniversary of his dad's death was yesterday so I called to check on him and he was on his way to the cemetery. He had asked his XW to go with him and she, as usual, told him she would then blew him off. I asked him why he expected it to be different because this is what she always does. I told him I would've gladly gone with him if he had called me. But, he wanted her because he says his dad loved her. (His stepmom and sisters say that his dad hated her, but he just won't accept that and I can see that.) Anyway, I feel so bad for him. I want to help him but you can't help someone unwilling to help themselves.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2850865
05/28/19 07:50 PM
05/28/19 07:50 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Came back to work last Wednesday after being on vacation for a week. Friday, big boss told us we could go home at noon for an early start on the holiday weekend, so I worked 2 1/2 days last week. Was off yesterday, but Sparky worked, as his boss offered him double time to come in to get a project finished up so he jumped at that. I stayed home and got some housework done and just relaxed. It was nice. Back to work today and obviously another short week. I'm getting spoiled to these short weeks, so next week will be a killer. The only saving grace is that beginning next Friday, though the entire summer, we only work half days on Fridays. laugh Totally a great perk of this job!

Not much to report on the relationship front. Sparky is wonderful. We had our usual weekend together and thoroughly enjoyed it. Friday, we went to a local hamburger place for supper. Saturday, we just stayed home and hung out. He went to the grocery store late in the day because he decided that we could do our own charcuterie board like last weekend. He came back with his groceries and a bouquet of flowers. He is really good about randomly buying me flowers and I LOVE it. I know people say "flowers die" and such, but I LOVE getting fresh cut flowers and he always gets me different things. This bouquet had red roses, yellow and white daisies, yellow tiger lilies and some little purple things that I'm not sure what they are. So pretty. Sunday, more of the same as Saturday....just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. It is a nice, easy place to be.

I have got to get back in wedding planning mode and officially book our venue and start working on decorations. My teaching load in the fall is going to be the heaviest it has been in my time here, so I need to be getting stuff done now so I don't feel so stressed later. In addition, my oldest daughter is turning 30 this summer and I am working on planning a girls trip for her along with her mom and sisters, so that is taking up a fair bit of time because there are a lot of moving parts to it.

Life is oh so good and I'm ready for lazy lake days. Hopefully we can start those this weekend. No way was I going to the lake this past weekend with it being a holiday weekend when I can go during the week when there is no one there. LOL I'm SO not a people person.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2850949
05/29/19 06:28 PM
05/29/19 06:28 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,025
What in the world has happened to common courtesy? Common decency? The Golden Rule? Ugh..............

I treat people the way I want to be treated and if I can help someone, I will gladly help them. No big deal. Doesn't matter if that person is friend, family, some stranger on the street. I'm a nice person. But sometimes people just make me want to lose my nice. I advocate all the time for openness and honesty in a relationship and I try to be that way with ALL my relationships, not just my romantic one with Sparky. I understand and respect that some people are different than me. Those people have different experiences, different life paths, different circumstances. That is fine. We are all different people. I don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of Dawn clones, because that would be boring and scary as h3ll. But seriously, if other people can't get their crap together and quit being so darned sensitive about EVERYTHING and argumentative about differing viewpoints, I swear I'm going to buy an island somewhere and move to it all alone and live out my days there. I'd rather be stuck by myself somewhere than to have to keep dealing with people who think they are so much more important than everyone else on the planet. Ugh............get over yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Steps off soapbox)


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2850950
05/29/19 06:42 PM
05/29/19 06:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,605
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,605
Canada
LOL - I'll visit you on your island Dawn and bring the maple syrup and cookies.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2850954
05/29/19 06:46 PM
05/29/19 06:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
If it's not too much trouble, would you please bring some Molson too? That's good stuff and I can't get it down here in the land of cotton. wink


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2851678
06/04/19 03:42 PM
06/04/19 03:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
Ugh.............it is DEFINITELY budget week. I have opened this page about 200 times since 7:00 am (which seems like 12 hours ago, but isn't even quite 3 1/2 yet) to type a post only to be sidetracked by work. I've never been one of those "it's not my job" people. If something needs to be done, I do it, unless for whatever reason, I'm specifically told not to do it. But, yesterday and today, I have been dealing with a whole slew of "it's not my job" people calling me and asking me where such and such paperwork is and I have to go back through my file and tell them, I sent it to this person on this date (at least a month ago, in most cases) and I don't know beyond that because I am not responsible for it once I have given it to the person I was supposed to give it to. I say this every year at budget time but it is like one hand doesn't know what the other is doing and those hands that don't communicate try to put it all back on the originator (me) when I did my job as I have been taught to do, so if I'm not doing it right, someone needs to tell me that because how would I know? But, this will all be over Friday at 2:00 pm, so if I can ride it out til then, I should be good to go. Fortunately, not much stuff to process on my end before the cycle is complete so hopefully those on up the chain will do their part and we can get this stuff finalized. Ugh...................I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...........LOL

Relationship is good. We are enjoying each other and just continuing to learn and grow as a couple. Sparky started seeing a counselor after his dad died and he had asked me if I would go with him sometime. I agreed and I went with him yesterday and I really liked talking with the lady. Fortunately, Sparky is a really good communicator, so we talk about a lot of stuff anyway but it was still nice to talk with her and have her kind of give us some insight. She did say that we do appear to communicate quite well with each other and we seem to be respectful of what the other says, even if it doesn't quite totally agree with our viewpoint. We talked a bit about how Sparky is not a touchy feely person but I am. I told her that what I have learned through communication with him is that he actually likes the touchy feely stuff if I instigate it, but he's hesitant to initiate. I told her that was something I hadn't known but he trusted me enough to actually tell me that so it helped me kind of reset myself to know that when I want to be cuddly or hold hands or whatever that all I have to do is reach out and he'll reach back. It was just a really good visit with her and I'm glad I went.

I feel blessed to have a man who is so open to communicating with me as he does. My XH was a horrible communicator. I am almost sure I have said this here before, but my XH was one of those who SAID he liked to communicate and it was important and all that, but when push came to shove, in his version of communicating, if you didn't agree with what he said or thought, then he'd kind of shut down. Sparky doesn't do that. We typically agree on things, but we do have some differences and we can express those without getting all butt hurt about it. I appreciate that. Of course, my XH wanted to be a marriage and family therapist, so he talked a lot of psycho-babble that he didn't really believe, so there is that. LOL Oddly enough, now that he has 2 divorces under his belt, he isn't so sure that he wants to pursue that career anymore. What a shocker! The other thing I appreciate about Sparky and his communication is that he doesn't always automatically try to put all the blame on someone else or take all the blame for himself. My XH was the king of first of all putting all the blame on me. Occasionally, he'd switch it up and he'd take all the blame, then play the oh woe is me card. It was just exhausting. Sparky doesn't do that. He had an issue that he was dealing with that could've spilled over into our relationship, but we talked about it and I know, intellectually, that it has absolutely nothing to do with me because I trust him and what he's telling me. And he trusted me enough to discuss it with me to make sure I knew where he was coming from. That's how a healthy relationship should be! As I look back and am more removed from my marriage, I realize that XH didn't really know what a healthy relationship was. He used to tell me that one of the reasons that he and his first XW didn't work was because she wanted them to have very traditional old-fashioned roles. She wanted him to provide while she stayed home and kept the house. The problem with that was that she was a slob and a horrible cook so not only was he working to provide financially, but he was having to come home after work and do all the housework and cook too. They just weren't on the same page. He and I were more on the same page, but I will always believe that all of his medical stuff is what ultimately brought us down.

With Sparky, I'm trying to be very conscious and very aware of our interactions and also pay attention to subtle cues that he might give as to his happiness or lack thereof. I don't think it is incumbent upon me to make him happy as it is not incumbent upon him to make me happy. I do think that we can be happy in our life together and enrich each other's lives though and we have struck a nice balance to do that. The therapist mentioned yesterday that he's talked about me a good bit in his sessions and that she thinks that we try to make our life together fun. She said we should never stop doing that and I totally agree.

I've rambled a bit and I could continue to ramble on but budget stuff is waiting and I need to get back to it. I just needed a reality break for a few minutes and this helped. LOL


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Life Ain't Always Beautiful [Re: Dawn70] #2852010
06/06/19 06:27 PM
06/06/19 06:27 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Dawn70  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,025
Lord have mercy, I knew this week was going to be rough, but I really had NO idea. Why is it that I work SO hard to make sure my ducks are always in a row and I'm always organized but the people above me can do whatever the h3ll they please and I still somehow have to deal with it? One of the administrators moved money out of one of our accounts without telling anyone, then I got a phone call about how a bill was supposed to be paid when the account was overdrawn. I said it isn't, there is enough to pay the bill and leave $17 in there. Uh no, it is negative. I go look and sure enough, it is WAY negative. After several phone calls and a lot of cuss words, I was told oh such and such administrator told me to move it but didn't tell y'all so now what? Uh, ask the administrator now what because I didn't use the money, he did. So, so, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrating.

I told Sparky this morning that I went home last night and treated myself to shrimp and grits with some nice garlicky, buttery French bread for supper last night, followed by the best chocolate mousse I have ever had (purchased from Walmart, if you can believe that!) and a nice long HOT shower with a delightfully summery smelling body wash. I told him tonight's reward is going to have to be MUCH better because as good as all that was and I was busy yesterday, yesterday was not nearly as stressful as today has been when I literally spent hours on the phone this morning trying to figure out this money issue. I didn't create the problem but I had to jump through hoops to get it fixed and that is frustrating as all get-out.

Oddly, that led me to thinking about a long talk that Sparky and I had Tuesday evening. He ended up coming to my house late Monday night and spending the night because the power had gone out at his house, so he couldn't use his C-PAP machine and he needed to get some rest for work. Tuesday afternoon, he came by to pack up his stuff and go on home because the power was restored Tuesday mid-day. Anyway, while we were talking, one of the things we discussed was the fact that we are both the marrying kind and we both try very hard to communicate with the other. (The lack of communication in the hierarchy of my job is what led to thinking about my communication with Sparky.) I listen to things he tells me and I try to make sure I'm understanding things from his viewpoint, even if I don't necessarily agree with them. He offers me that same courtesy and it is a very good place to be. I continue to count my blessing where Sparky is concerned. He's a good one! Definitely a keeper...........:D


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
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