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oops13 Offline OP
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Im not going to say with 100% certainty, which is why I'm still here. Maybe my heart and my mind aren't on the same page yet.

I do know that I'm certainly not going to grovel for it. If she doesn't put massive skin in the game, I'm done.

Last edited by oops13; 05/16/19 03:05 PM.

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Please see my rewording:
Originally Posted by oops13

I do know that I'm certainly not going to grovel for it. I am done until she puts massive skin in the game.



oops, I am starting to think you are hesitating to take action out of fear of going to far and losing her. Wake up call time: You've already lost her.


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Yep. Thatīs the reason of my question...

No fear Oops. Itīs about respect first. You canīt nice her back. Itīs all about feelings, donīt expect rational behavior. No matter how much evidence you get.

Stick to DB man. For your own sake. Detach and GAL.

Stand strong there Oops!


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I do agree that she's gone, so I'm not willing to push them underground until I have the evidence collected that I need, though, which is why I'm staying the course. Based on what I've discussed with legal counsel, I know what I need, and I don't quite have it yet. I have what I need for myself personally to know what she's doing, but I have to be ready for the fallout. I would prefer to move forward with rocking the boat, and I've had to stop and remind myself to play the slow game for now.

So what I mean here is that its inevitable that once I get things squared away I'm going to start making moves and odds are that it's going to result in divorce, so I've accepted that. The only thing that might cause me to consider reconciliation is how things play out. If she doesn't take ownership of her actions, etc. then I'm not going to want to reconcile. Might not anyways...I'm worth more than that. She's almost repellent to me now that I know what she's done and who she's become.

Last edited by oops13; 05/16/19 06:56 PM.

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Still kicking today. Not a lot to update other than feeling good getting some sun on my skin and feeling optimistic about the future. I'm working on letting go of any fear. I don't really have much that I'm not okay with losing, including my marriage. It's a strange sensation but working on myself so much has taken me to a place where I'm okay. I've GAL to the point that I'm almost too busy. I think right now the hardest part for me is the impact to my libido. It's basically dead. I'm having trouble being actually attracted to other women at the moment because, despite everything, physically I had come to adore my wife, flaws and all. I wanted her more than even much more attractive women. I know that will pass, but it's frustrating for now. When I do think about her and if I want to reconcile, I'm just so disappointed that she's the kind of person that would do this. It really helps me not want her very much.

Last edited by oops13; 05/17/19 05:47 PM.

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GAL today...staying on top of things. Spent time with friends last night who are very optimistic about my dating prospects already. I get kind of excited myself thinking about the ailver linings.

Still dont think I want her back. More angry right now and wish she would go away forever today. But saying that breaks my heart. Cried in the car anyways. This is such bullshit, and shes such a selfish [censored].


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More vague journaling, but I'm feeling good. Less angry and more indifferent the last couple of days. She's being more pleasant most of the time, but I still feel the same. Doing what I want to do, happy with either outcome. Now that I have learned all of the chess moves and she's become predictable to me, and I've detached quite a bit more, it's hard not to be happy. I'm excited about the future and in control of my emotions for the most part right now. It's been a while since I've felt this good. Years, even. I'm in the best physical shape of my life, I am in a great position for the dating world, I have plenty to do and lots of friends to lean on right now. Grateful.


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Right on oops!!!! I'm right there with ya!!! Well, a little farther behind, but still with ya!!!

-SoloFlex

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Originally Posted by oops13
More vague journaling, but I'm feeling good. Less angry and more indifferent the last couple of days. She's being more pleasant most of the time, but I still feel the same. Doing what I want to do, happy with either outcome. Now that I have learned all of the chess moves and she's become predictable to me, and I've detached quite a bit more, it's hard not to be happy. I'm excited about the future and in control of my emotions for the most part right now. It's been a while since I've felt this good. Years, even. I'm in the best physical shape of my life, I am in a great position for the dating world, I have plenty to do and lots of friends to lean on right now. Grateful.


oops, remember, earn your way out. Give your sitch the time it needs (I suggest at least a year) and make sure you deal with ALL emotions. Emotional baggage that isn't dealt with will bleed over into any new R, whether with your W or someone new. That was the biggest mistake I made in my original sitch in 2005. And it set me up for the same thing 12 years later.

Dating is way out in the future. Make sure you are working on yourself to be the healthiest emotionally you can be for the future!


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Luckily my IC is very helpful with dealing with all that. I suspect I should credit her more than I have been.

I'm still documenting. I guess I'm earning my way through it somewhat in my own way. She's definitely taken notice/made comments that I've detached. Good. Keeping my cool for now. I'm about 6 months into it now. It's flown by.


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