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Hey AS - thanks for chiming in. Yes, he is a tool (I haven't heard that term used in years). I do think a lot of it was symptomatic of the place he was at at the time. He NEEDED to find things wrong with me because if there was nothing wrong with me, what did that say about him. I get it. And I don't take it personally anymore. Strangely, I catch him looking at me from time to time, and I know he finds me attractive, but I also know he'd rather stick hot pokers in his eyes then ever say it. That's his problem to deal with. Not mine.

Not sure if he had a white van. Did not stick around long enough to find out. I did find out he lives with his parents (he is renovating a flat apparently). What man in their 30's lives with their parents?!?!?

I'm glad I waited to date. Now that I have done it I don't know if it is for me. This has nothing to do with my H. I just find it all a little forced and, really, the effort required is huge. I have never seen more than one man at a time and now I am effectively dating three men, only one of whom I actually feel a proper connection with (and he is in no way viable). I know it's the done thing now, chatting away with multiple people at the same time, but it feels like I am in some way leading people on. And I am still being contacted by others and I still check every now and again to see if any of them have any potential. This does not feel right. People are going to get hurt. And it won't be me.

DV - I think I will refer to the 25 year old the scientist. The thing that made it feel like a connection was that we were very 'couply'. We held hands whilst we slept. We spooned. We lay in bed in the morning just chilling out in each others arms. I have only felt like that with two men, both of whom I was engaged to and one I married. I know the difference between sex and intimacy and this was definitely intimacy.

He has not text in the last two days. But he is on one of the smaller islands in Thailand and I guess he is busy doing stuff and/or wi-fi is not that easy to find. I wasn't expecting him to text me at all whilst he is away, so I am not too worried about not hearing from him. He could also be using the time to work out how he feels.

H has been away for two days now and I have not spoken to him. He called the girls earlier this evening and I heard D9 ask if he wanted to speak to me. He was on speaker phone and his response was "I don't think mummy wants to speak to me" . D9 came into my room and asked if I wanted to speak to him and I said "No, I am OK". There was a sadness in his voice. Not his usual "I don't need to talk to mummy". Not "No, unless mummy needs to speak to me".


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The intimacy is nice, isn't it FS? That's definitely what I have with Jack who, I realized, I have been seeing for eight weeks now, not six like I said. Wow time flies!! The sex is great, no doubt, but the intimacy is something I really value and missed in my marriage for a long long time. Glad you got to feel that again even if you don't think the relationship is viable. (((HUGS)))

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FS, you sound totally sorted out and healthy. Able to enjoy intimacy, but also able to step back from it and decide if it is something you really want right now. Able to see the funny side of your dating adventures, without accepting less than you want. Even if you don't do any more dating, it sounds like it's been a real growth experience for you.

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Quick entry today.

MIL offered to have the children last night and today (she dropped them off about an hour ago). It was nice to have the evening to myself. I binge watched a programme on telly and just sat around doing not much. Not depressed, woe is me sitting around, just sitting around. I am a little unwell so needed the break.

The scientist has not been in contact for a few days. I suspect he is having second thoughts, which is understandable given the age difference and the intensity of the connection, so I am not too upset by it. I am taking away from the experience that it is possible to have a connection with someone who is not my H. To look at the world again as one of possibilities. The single dad has been in contact daily. He is really very sweet but I do not think I am attracted to him in the way he wants, so will probably have to tell him soon. Other than that, I have said no to everyone who has expressed an interest (mainly because they are in their 20's) in me on the OLD site.

As my kids were with my MIL last night I have not heard from H at all. MIL said she spoke to him last night (when he called the kids) and mentioned there was a problem with the boiler here (the water is not heating up as hot as it use to). He went off on why the boiler wasn't working, had I been mucking about with it, did I get someone in who mucked about with it and MIL calmly said "I doubt FS would play around with the boiler" and maybe ask her if someone's been around. Makes me realise that under the niceties the anger and blame is still so close to the surface.


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That's a good, healthy takeaway to have on the dating front, FS. The future is bright with or without your H! That was very childish about the boiler...

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The boiler comment sounds like someone who doesn't like not being in control of the domestic territory. The boiler is really none of his business unless you ask him for some help - and you haven't - and it's put him into a tizzy. When their hearts are in that place - all anger and blame and self pity - you could have put in a new solid gold boiler with your own money and he still would have found something to moan about.

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Yeah - the boiler thing is typical H. Something goes wrong and it must be my fault. He'd never say it to my face anymore, so that's something. He stews in the background until he calms down and can think rationally.

The scientist got in contact this morning. He has been trekking with locals so was out of contact. He sent the message as he was getting on the plane to come home. His messages are very intellectual. He talks about poverty, how we have lost our way with rampant capitalism - and he works in banking ?!?!? Among the photos he sent (mostly photos from his trek/beaches) was one of the book he plans to read on the plane - serious economics text based on Thai economy. I like an intellect but am worried he might out intellect me.

H arrives tomorrow. I imagine I will get grilled on the boiler situation. Urgh.


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Your scientist man sounds like he's trying to impress you. It's very sweet. You might not be as well read in his field, but you are a thoughtful and intelligent woman - he obviously wants you to admire him, so I don't think you need to worry.

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Lol at the solid gold boiler comment smile

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Boilergate update smile

H called the girls last night. He is back. I heard him speaking to the girls about the boiler and they both said the water was coming out cold. We had a man come over about a week ago to check it (he arranged it and we went halves). He started talking me through what I should do and I said that he was over tomorrow (today) and I could wait. But, nope, he wanted to fix it then and there.

H: What color is the light
M: Amber
H: Are you sure?
M: Yes
M: There is a reset button. Do you want me to press that?
H: No. Just turn the dial up
M: I can't. It's already as high as it will go
H. Are you sure?
M: Yes - I heard the click.
H: Turn the dial to off
M: Done
H: What color is the light
M: Amber
H: You haven't turned it off properly
M: Yes I have. It clicked and it won't go down any further.
H. OK. Now turn the dial back to max.
M: Done
H. What color is the light?
M: Amber
H: Click the reset button
M: I did.
H: What color is the light?
M: Amber
H: Urgh, I'll come over and look at it tomorrow.

I could hear the frustration in his voice as we got further and further down the conversation. If I closed my eyes I would have caught a whisper of the sneer in his face and his brows furrowing.

Meanwhile - scientist and I spent most of the evening on chat. He is super nice. Deep down I know it's nothing but a distraction and not real life. Real life is the conversation above. But it's nice and, well, the conversation above was, although short, exhausting and so so weighted.


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

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