Steve I agree with everything you have said here, I know you keep harping on the IC. I'll say it again for the tenth time, I really wish I could go to an IC. I'm barely affording groceries, have no insurance. Lastly I live in a state it gives very little away for free, including Mental Health Services. As you know I went for a short time and could no longer afford it so I have had to muddle through without it finding therapy in my own ways. I don't foresee that changing any time in the future unless I get a several dollar raise
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I put myself in debt years ago maintaining the lifestyle that xw wanted, the divorce only compounded that debt. You mention I see in pretty much every response. My reply to that has not changed. I simply cannot afford it. It's literally an expensive hundreds of dollars a month that I do not even come close to having
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
OK, now, overall, you are in a much better place. You see her for who she really is now, and not through the "Girl I married" frosted lens. That is great.
Sorry about finances. You seem like a hard-working guy. But just a suggestion. A 2nd job is a temporary band-aid. Any chance of going back to school? Maybe improve your future prospects? Even 1 class a semester will get you closer. I didn't get my BS until I was 36. But boy what a boon to my career. I've made more than double in the 14-15 years since than I did in all the years (20+) prior to that.
Last edited by Steve85; 05/13/1901:44 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I put myself in debt years ago maintaining the lifestyle that xw wanted, the divorce only compounded that debt. You mention I see in pretty much every response. My reply to that has not changed. I simply cannot afford it. It's literally an expensive hundreds of dollars a month that I do not even come close to having
Again, that was said for others' benefit. I am aware of your situation. It was not a knock. Water under the bridge.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Keep this frame of mind, Orange. Keep moving forward and don't look back. Everything from this point forward is about you and your son. She's gone. Don't give her any of your headspace. It's too precious to waste on someone like that. Glad you're in a better place, brother...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
S4 has been having behavioral problems at school but they seem to be dwindling. Exw and i have communicated well to try and help him. Its just tough as weve both had to leave work early several times to pick him up early.
What i hope is the final court date regarding exFiL is about a month away.
Exw is actually asking to cook dinner for s4 and me on Sunday, claiming its for s4, which is nice but it feels like a temp check. I havent agreed to it yet.
Living the single life. For a while i was desperate for another woman but after Mary and i flopped i havent been focused on it.
Still having a really hard time financially. Likely going to have to get a 2nd job.
Glad its summer. Gonna take s4 hiking/swimming tomorrow
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Exw is actually asking to cook dinner for s4 and me on Sunday, claiming its for s4, which is nice but it feels like a temp check. I havent agreed to it yet.
"Thank you, that is very thoughtful! However, I have other plans for Sunday for S4 and me. I appreciate the offer though."
Temp check? Very probably. Also manipulation. "Maybe if I am nice to him he will drop the RO against pops."
DON'T FALL FOR IT!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
With your W's history, I would completely steer clear of her and any invitations. Something like this would be potentially appropriate if she had apologized, shown remorse and humility, with a change in her actions and character. Right now, this is a temp check and don't fall for crumbs.
Over time, if you can develop a good co-parenting R with her for your son's sake, that's great. But she would need to put in a lot of work for that.
