I couldn't agree more, if you would come to Me 2 years ago and told me that she was cheating on me I would have absolutely unequivocally not believed it. Despite the fact that I already had doubts and suspicions. It took me getting to the point where I had enough circumstantial evidence on my own and had to confront her about it. That's the only way I could have possibly learned about it and actually believed it.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
My advice to you, Orange is to quit keeping tabs on her. Who cares what she's up to? You gotta quit letting her take up headspace. Looking to see if there were any weddings going on in a certain area seems fruitless to me. Like Steve said, it doesn't matter what you find out, she's just gonna deny and lie anyway. It will be in your favor to not care one bit where she goes or if she's cheating on OM1. Not your monkeys, not your circus. I know it can be hard and the desire to know can be overwhelming, but once you stop worrying about it, you'll feel a lot better,,
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
My advice to you, Orange is to quit keeping tabs on her. Who cares what she's up to? You gotta quit letting her take up headspace. Looking to see if there were any weddings going on in a certain area seems fruitless to me. Like Steve said, it doesn't matter what you find out, she's just gonna deny and lie anyway. It will be in your favor to not care one bit where she goes or if she's cheating on OM1. Not your monkeys, not your circus. I know it can be hard and the desire to know can be overwhelming, but once you stop worrying about it, you'll feel a lot better,,
This. Plus as my counselor taught me: the truth has a way of always coming out. It doesn't need my help.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I did just also get an update on the court case. As I had not received a notice for a new Hearing in the mail I called the court to check up on what the status was. we have our next Hearing in Late July and evidently the judge has requested a guardian ad litem. I'm very glad they have done this. I wasn't going to request one myself as I'm trying to keep things as minimally contentious as possible but I will admit I'm quite relieved that there's going to be one involved
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I didn't go searching for this new information. It's not my fault if S4 gets in the car and tells me about the Saturday he spent with some new guy
I totally understand that, but you made the choice to do the detective work looking for weddings in the area he lives. Your son is going to tell you things, that's inevitable. But it's your decision on what you do after that. Trust me. I've been there. Going out of your way to find out if she's lying is addictive. I did the same thing. Last year when W would say she couldn't watch the kids because she had to work, I would drive past her work to see if her car was there, go by OM's house to see if her car was there, creep her FB profile to see if she posted about being somewhere else. The only thing it did was drive me crazy. This was after I was "detached". Because in my mind, I didn't care what she was doing. It didn't bother me. Until I woke up one day and realized if it I didn't care and it didn't bother me, I wouldn't be wasting my time looking into it. I decided she wasn't worth the headspace she was taking up and I really quit caring. And quitting wasn't easy. The urge to verify her whereabouts was still strong, but the became less and less the longer I went without looking into. It's a lot like quitting smoking and needs to be done cold turkey. No peeking. Like I said in my last post in my sitch. Whatever... You're better than that, Orange. Don't waste time out of your life worrying about if she's doing what she says she's doing...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I didn't go searching for this new information. It's not my fault if S4 gets in the car and tells me about the Saturday he spent with some new guy
I totally understand that, but you made the choice to do the detective work looking for weddings in the area he lives. Your son is going to tell you things, that's inevitable. But it's your decision on what you do after that. Trust me. I've been there. Going out of your way to find out if she's lying is addictive. I did the same thing. Last year when W would say she couldn't watch the kids because she had to work, I would drive past her work to see if her car was there, go by OM's house to see if her car was there, creep her FB profile to see if she posted about being somewhere else. The only thing it did was drive me crazy. This was after I was "detached". Because in my mind, I didn't care what she was doing. It didn't bother me. Until I woke up one day and realized if it I didn't care and it didn't bother me, I wouldn't be wasting my time looking into it. I decided she wasn't worth the headspace she was taking up and I really quit caring. And quitting wasn't easy. The urge to verify her whereabouts was still strong, but the became less and less the longer I went without looking into. It's a lot like quitting smoking and needs to be done cold turkey. No peeking. Like I said in my last post in my sitch. Whatever... You're better than that, Orange. Don't waste time out of your life worrying about if she's doing what she says she's doing...
I can vouch for this. Same thing with me an snooping on my W. Each time I did it set me back. I love the smoking analogy......the urge is very similar.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Orange don’t snoop or follow. Trust me I know. I did it for a little while and all it did was make me crazy. When I stopped following her and snooping I felt such a sense of relief. Our minds always go to the worse case scenario so now I just always assume she is out shopping. So the minute your mind starts to think the worse, change it and think of something simple she might be doing. It’s hard at first but the more you do it the better you will get and the better you will feel.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
