One thing that is bothering me though......why is it if we do 50/50 shared parenting and the kids live with me (she works 3rds so they are with me every overnight except for every other Friday and Saturday) why do I have to pay her child support? We were all set to finish the divorce back in Feb. and we agreed on no child support but Judge looks at 50/50 split and says to W that you would get about 800/month. She sees that and completely freezes. Tells me that this will drastically improve HER financial Situation.....not the kids....HERS.
Needless to say my lawyer seen how mad I was about to get and called a recess.
Even with 50/50 if you make more than her you will likely have to pay her CS. I could be wrong, but I don't think most courts are going to rubber stamp a D where the Exes agree to no support. The courts do what they think is in the best interest of the kids.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Here is my issue, the court used her wages when she was only part time. W2 statement had her at 15000. Now that she is full time it will put her closer to 30000. I am only at 50gs, and I pay for everything for the kids, she hasnt contributed to the household in years.
One of the other benefits of putting the divorce on hold....ohio recently updated their child support calculations. Since I have them more than 90% of overnights, I carry insurance, and pay for all meals (i dont go in till 9am so I get them up, dressed, breakfast, pack lunch for school, etc n dinner when I get off work) the new tables state that I could see 50% reduction on just the over nights alone.
This was a main issue in trying to reconcile, as I would have had to fork over an entire check to her every month even though like I said I pay for everything. She only has them when there is no school and from 3-7 pm during the week.
Having said this though, I am now at the point where it doesnt matter to me anymore. If this is the price I end up paying, for my own mental health and overall well being, it is something I am prepared for.
Lurch, I am seeing a lot of red flags here. It seems you were ready to D, then found out that it was going to cost you $800/month, and then you were willing to try to R.
Then you met someone new and then flip-flopped back to wanting to D, but are trying to do it in a way you can get out of support. Look, the system is rigged against men. Always has been, likely always will be. You can agreed to 50/50 custody, view the $800/month as a "stupid" tax for marrying poorly, and moving on.
Look D is always a choice for the LBS. No one would blame you when a WAS is unfaithful especially, to just say forget it, I don't want to be married to a cheater. But understand that even that choice has consequences. The break up of a marriage is NEVER EVER pain free.
So this is why I asked if you were impatient, or impulsive. As someone that has gone on to R with his W, I can tell you that it isn't easy. It is hard work. We all know how devastating D can be on both spouses, on finances, and most of all on the kids. So no matter what you do it will be difficult and painful, and take years to heal from it.
Anyway, these are my observations.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
P.S. I am reposting this since you seemed to gloss over it:
Quote
If you really want a D then don't tell her anything. Just talk to your lawyer and move it forward. If there is even a small part of you that wants to save things, then put in the time, energy and effort to give it a real chance. Earn your way out of this marriage. You don't mention anything about IC. Without it you likely won't deal with any unresolved feelings and emotions. Which means your next relationship is doomed to repeat this pattern. Do the work. Earn your way out. Be able to look your kids in the eyes in 10 years and say you did everything you could to stay with their mother.... And be able to say that honestly with integrity.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I guess its not coming across in writing. I agree with you on the pain, unfortunately I had to go through it quite quickly as she left the kids with me and had to be strong for them. I did meet someone new, but it never got serious as I started noticing red flags (similar to what I was blinded to with W) that I broke it off before anything serious. W must have found out as she sent text stating she was jealous. Part of it for her was the fact that she didnt like seeing me moving on. After that she started being much nicer and even friendly towards me. This is what made me think R might be possible.
Its a combination of everything, multiple affairs, lying, the not wanting to truely get to the cause of any of our issues, the lack of remorse (at least from what I can see), my new found confidence, the fact that staying with her might mean catching an STD ( and an overall lackluster sex life even before this), her past drug issues, still staying in contact with affair partners, etc....and the fact that we went through all this 5 years ago and havent made any inroads into any issues or problems since the last time she came back......i just dont have it in me to put in another 1-2 years waiting for her to figure herself out, then another 2+ trying to fix a broken marraige (she wants to do the 1st part before working on M). Part of me was holding out hope for a set expectation/outcome. Once I let that part go, all the anxiety and weight seemed to melt away and I havent been at peace this much since high school when I did Tia Chi and meditation (which I recently started doing again)
LOL on the stupid tax, cuz thats what me and my buddy called it as well. Was just lookin for input on this as I know that no getting around this part to see if anyone else was able to reduce theirs. Like I said Im at the point right now that it isnt that big of a deal to me anymore. When it originally came up (mind you she is currently paying me 43/wk under temp orders) it freaked me out and I was in shock. I have since redone my budget and can still be semi comfortable even paying that amount (which will likely be lower anyway).
yeah sorry I forgot to include that it didnt last long, was over a few months ago (doing this from work and not wanting to have people see what Im writing lol)
But i have been meeting new people. In the past I always felt guilty talking to other women (even just as friends) as W is super jealous person. In past accused me of cheating on co worker when it was nothing but work ( i was on call at my last job 24/7)
