Then when she went to OMs place, she messaged me how our D was doing and asked for her photographs so that she does not miss her.
Divorce is a real b'tch, isn't it? Too bad she didn't seriously consider she'd be losing 50% of her daughter's growing up years.
I agree with Steve. The request was for what your WW wants. She wants to be with OM, but she doesn't want to miss out on what her little girl is doing while she's away. So, you decide if you want to exchange photos. If you want her sending photos to you, then you may need to do likewise. Will it hurt you more to see photos of D2 when she's away from you, or will help you? Make the decision based on what YOU want.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
We have not filed for divorce and there is no legal separation as well. We informally agreed that when she moves, we will have 50/50 custody is our D2.
On photographs, honestly telling you, I can survive without seeing my daughter’s photographs for the days she is away. Will sharing photographs be beneficial or otherwise? If not sharing is better, then what should I say if she asks for photographs when D is with me?
I want to do what works and what you suggest to be the best strategy.
On photographs, honestly telling you, I can survive without seeing my daughter’s photographs for the days she is away. Will sharing photographs be beneficial or otherwise? If not sharing is better, then what should I say if she asks for photographs when D is with me?
It doesn't matter that it's not a legal separation or divorce. You are still living separately. Will it be beneficial to share photos? Who knows? The only thing I see sharing photos would do is humor her. If you don't share, she's probably going to react badly and accuse you of being punitive, etc. It could lead to other uncomfortable interactions.... b/c the WW wants what she wants. I'm mostly going on the experiences of others in this situation. Some H's have a hard time detaching when the WW is sending photos, On the other hand, some H's want the photos. So whatever works better for YOU. If you decide to share photos, have absolutely zero expectations in it assisting her return to the MR.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
WW picked up daughter from daycare and took D to her apartment. Sent me a picture and video of her playing. I sent thanks after 3 hours.
Wife hasn't provided her new address, so I don't even know where my daughter is today.
My first day alone in the house and it just seems so hollow and empty. The house feels like it doesn't belong to me anymore and I am just in transit place. Same house where my D used to run all the time, is looking dead. I went in the evening to meet a friend and came back around 8. To keep myself busy, I started cleaning the house and kept myself busy for another two hours. Had my dinner alone (atleast yesterday, I had my D to share my dinner with).
(((Vik11))) So sorry you are going through this. I know it is probably of little comfort right now...because I remember feeling the way you are feeling when my H first started taking the children to his place. We had moved into our “forever home” only a year before and it felt big and empty and sad. I just wanted my life back...the future I had planned. But those feelings have faded over time and I have actually begun to appreciate my alone time. I used to spend it feeling sorry for myself and only noticing what was missing. My focus has changed. Now I see it as a chance for me to focus on me and figure out who I am outside of being my kids’ mom. I like the quiet and my time alone or, sometimes, I get out with other people and enjoy that too. I’ve made new friends who I never would have met if I was still together with my ex. I am smiling and laughing again and my children are benefitting from that. I am not living the life I had planned but I am living the life that I have and it’s a good one. You will get there too Vik. It doesn’t seem like it now but time and space really does help to heal and to see things from a new perspective. You won’t always feel the way you do today. In time, you will figure things out. (((HUGS)))
WW picked up daughter from daycare and took D to her apartment. Sent me a picture and video of her playing. I sent thanks after 3 hours.
Wife hasn't provided her new address, so I don't even know where my daughter is today.
My first day alone in the house and it just seems so hollow and empty. The house feels like it doesn't belong to me anymore and I am just in transit place. Same house where my D used to run all the time, is looking dead. I went in the evening to meet a friend and came back around 8. To keep myself busy, I started cleaning the house and kept myself busy for another two hours. Had my dinner alone (atleast yesterday, I had my D to share my dinner with).
Vik,
I remember the day my exWW left for good and had the kids at her place for the first time very vividly. It was in the beginning of January, so it wasn't that long ago. Your description of how it felt was exactly how I felt. I remember sitting in the chair in my living room and broke down knowing it would never be the same again. Our big, happy home, filled with kids laughing and playing, was eerily silent. Before, I would sometimes get after the kids for being too loud and rambunctious and I remember thinking I would give anything to have that back at the point in time.
I feel for you. I truly do. But, I will say this -- it gets so much better. That night was the only night I broke down about it. I wiped the tears, after awhile, and decided that I was strong enough to get through it and became mindful that God was sending me down a path he knew I could handle. The first week was sorrowful, but after that, I accepted the alone time. I'm going to be honest with you, more than likely you will start to enjoy your alone time. It still doesn't feel right to me to think this much less say it out loud, but I thoroughly enjoy the time I have for myself when I don't have my kids. It's almost the best of both worlds for the lack of a better phrase. I'm always super excited for the days I have them and I'm pretty much just as excited for the days I don't. You make the best of the time you spend with them and then you get that time for yourself as sort of a refresher to recharge without having all of the responsibilities that go along with parenting kids. You get to do what you want, when you want! Like I said, it still feels wrong to say, but it is the truth. It does get better. Stay strong!
Last edited by Wanted1; 04/26/1902:54 PM.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Wife hasn't provided her new address, so I don't even know where my daughter is today.
Have you checked with your lawyer about her withholding her address? I thought if you had shared custody, each parent had to know where the other one lived, since there has been no domestic violence issues.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She provided me with the address as I had to drop our D at her place. So that is not a problem anymore.
Some Updates and advice needed:
Her mother arrived last FRIDAY and she arrived at my house and called my WW as I was in office. My wife came from her apartment, picked her and left for her apartment.
Today, I receive a call from my MIL and she was crying over phone that her daughter is behaving very badly with her. She said that my WW said mean things to her and disrespected her with a lot of words. She said, she had to sleep on the floor for last two days and her D (my wife) did not even bother about it. My WW asked her to leave her house as soon as possible. My MIL called me just now and was very very upset and asked me if I could come and pick her up and take her to my place. (She has nowhere else to go as she flew from another country).
I said to her that she should think about it with a calm mind and let me know by evening and if she still feels that she needs to be out of that house, then we can think what to do next. (Honestly, i did not know what else to say).
So, the question is that "Should I bring her to my place"?
Also, my wife called and asked me what I talked to her mother, to which I said that I didn't talk to her about anything related to us and just general stuff. I guess she was worried that I may disclose the affair and that is why she asked me. I know if I bring my MIL home, this will set my wife in panic mode as she may think about what we are talking about and what I am discussing with her mother (specially about the affair)
As advised earlier, I am not getting involved in their relationship at all and did not talk about anything with my MIL other than general stuff.
Would appreciate if you guys can provide your two cents on how to approach this and what will be the best way forward.
