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OrangeK Offline OP
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the ending of a relationship, brief as it was definitely triggered some emotional regression and a bit of depression. However my situation is far different now than it was this time last year, things are going really well at my new job. I finally have a new vehicle and a new apartment which I know I posted a lot about throughout the year last year needing those things. I'm still having trouble with my budget and this is one thing I am very much resolved to fix. There are still some lifestyle changes that I can make to be a better person. quitting smoking will save money and health. I have had a large desire to create lately I want to start writing again and get my blacksmithing Forge up and running. I'm almost sorely tempted to just put my TV in my closet. Although I don't waste a whole lot of time on television the little bit I do spend could be better used. barely staying afloat financially on a constant basis certainly adds to my stress level. I've been going to bed earlier and getting up earlier which has helped. oddly I have been experiencing the stomach twisty feelings again and the first time I can honestly say I have no idea why. It doesn't hurt when you overhear your boss speaking your Praises at your new job


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
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2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Just got to vent about something. My delivery route at my new job makes me drive by om house pretty frequently. Just had to drive by there fairly early in the morning and seeing her car there and knowing that yet again my son is sleeping on the floor of this guy's bedroom fills me with rage. with all the money they have spent on new vehicles and vacations they could have gotten themselves a place to live where S4 actually has his own bedroom. The misappropriation of priorities makes me irate. I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't still some left over anger simply from seeing her there. I'm sure that's by Design on her part. As much as logical thinking has been defeating emotional thinking lately there are still situations where the basic human emotions boil up from within my bones. The Injustice of it all is still so damn frustrating. Thankfully it's game night tonight and I'm going to let my preparations consume my thoughts for the day. Always fun to think of new and inventive ways to challenge my group. I also have a gaming card tournament coming up this weekend I have been looking forward to. I'm just still waiting for the day that I achieve true apathy in all aspects of anything having to do with ex-wife. That will be the day.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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OK, this is why I think it is so important for you to remain in counseling. You need to work through the unresolved feelings and emotions. Your relationship with her was ripped away leaving a gaping wound. That doesn't heal without proper attention.

I've mentioned before that I watch Dr. Phil. It is one of my W's and my favorite thing to do together. Yesterday they ran a show from a few years ago where a woman and her mother were keeping her daughter away from her ex-husband because they were still bitter and angry that he left her for another woman. Dr. Phil got her into counseling to deal with those unresolved emotions because it was putting her special needs daughter in the crossfire.

If you get yourself well emotionally, you will be a better coparent for you S because of it. And it will set you up for better success when the next "Mary" comes into your life.

I know you say money is an issue.....and that you can't afford it. Again I will repeat that you can't afford NOT to get this dealt with.

Peace brother. And, as always, I will keep you in my prayers.


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M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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OrangeK Offline OP
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I just have to remind myself that The glittering facade of their happiness is simply that, an illusion. That's what she does, projects an air of success happiness and contentment when in reality she is constantly bored dissatisfied bitter and cynical. Even if it was not a facade and illusion, their happiness or unhappiness should not matter to me. it's nice that that feeling of irritation when it gets under my skin is very fleeting and does not last long at all, I would even call it annoyance or irritation more than I would anger. Or at least that's how it feels 5 minutes after the fact.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Steve, I agree. Id love to be in counciling again.
I just had to postpone getting health ins. For S4 and myself as i cannot afford even that.
Which is frustrating as having insurance would make getting an IC more realisticaly affordable.
Im doing well though.
Like I said, these moods don't set up on me for the entire day anymore. It's just kind of a fleeting Burst of emotion that goes away after 10 minutes or so. And they're becoming less and less common. I still think it stems from the fact that I have yet to ever have an opportunity to say my piece to her. I realize at this point that that's kind of pointless if I were to ever get that opportunity, and I probably wouldn't take it if it presented itself. I'm still jealous a little bit, I don't think that's an unrealistic feeling. It doesn't mean that I necessarily want what I'm jealous of it's just the lingering damage of being left behind for someone else. That feeling of inadequacy and inferiority. Even though I know that I am not in any way shape or form inferior to om. I have been refreshing myself on the behavioral patterns of narcissistic type people to keep my mind well rooted in reality. I think becoming single again made me start to second-guess a lot of the conclusions I had drawn about her behavior and the way that she manipulate people's emotions. I need to keep myself well reminded of the fact that that's all it is manipulations and self defense mechanisms that she subconsciously does.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Apr 2017
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Well it´s logical to get angry. Just find a way to use the energy into something positive. Get used to defuse that bomb. Keep walking your road. It´s not a matter of inferiority or similar. It´s about balance and stability. Be the healthy parent for S4.

Keep Strong there O, keep DB.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
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Originally Posted by OrangeK
Steve, I agree. Id love to be in counciling again.
I just had to postpone getting health ins. For S4 and myself as i cannot afford even that.
Which is frustrating as having insurance would make getting an IC more realisticaly affordable.
Im doing well though.
Like I said, these moods don't set up on me for the entire day anymore. It's just kind of a fleeting Burst of emotion that goes away after 10 minutes or so. And they're becoming less and less common. I still think it stems from the fact that I have yet to ever have an opportunity to say my piece to her. I realize at this point that that's kind of pointless if I were to ever get that opportunity, and I probably wouldn't take it if it presented itself. I'm still jealous a little bit, I don't think that's an unrealistic feeling. It doesn't mean that I necessarily want what I'm jealous of it's just the lingering damage of being left behind for someone else. That feeling of inadequacy and inferiority. Even though I know that I am not in any way shape or form inferior to om. I have been refreshing myself on the behavioral patterns of narcissistic type people to keep my mind well rooted in reality. I think becoming single again made me start to second-guess a lot of the conclusions I had drawn about her behavior and the way that she manipulate people's emotions. I need to keep myself well reminded of the fact that that's all it is manipulations and self defense mechanisms that she subconsciously does.


Yes, OK, I can relate to this so much. My ex-GF jerked me around for decades (literally). Just as I would start to move on she would come around to suck me back in. I never did counseling, but I wish I would have. Because the only other thing that works is time. Every situation is different but in affairs of the heart it is usually a VERY LONG TIME. Many years later certain things would still trigger pangs of anger, bitterness, sadness and/or grief. After years and years I was finally able to get over it and move forward, even despite her efforts to keep me hanging on.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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You do know that kids can pretty much always be covered for insurance right?

Have you applied for Medicaid? I don’t know what state you live in, but usually every state ensures that a kid does not go uninsured if a parent can not afford it.

I don’t know your financial situation, but you may be able to qualify for Medicaid too. Or at least you should get some sort of Obama care even a cheap one.

There really is no reason no one should go uninsured now. Especially a child

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OrangeK Offline OP
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Ginger, he used to be on State Insurance, when ex-wife started her new job it was determined that we both made too much to qualify. As far as any Obama Care type stuff that's what I had in my last job and it was grossly unaffordable. I just have to be patient. I'm going to present my financial situation to the court and show them that I can get really good insurance but I just need to have adjustments made to child support before I am able to do so. I live in New Hampshire which is a bit of a double-edged sword. Our state motto is Live Free or Die, a lot of the laws is that most states have regarding protecting the people are not in place here. We have no lemon laws for cars, one of the lowest minimum wages in the country, no seat belt law, no laws requiring health or car insurance.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Looking for a bit of advice, ex-wife asked me to watch S4 in a few weeks on her weekend so she can go to a wedding. I have plans that weekend but they're not crucially important ones. Trying to decide if I should take the opportunity to spend some extra time with S4 but that also means that I will be giving ex what she wants so she can go off and have fun and push her parenting responsibilities off on me. Vs taking some time for myself and telling her to make her own arrangements for babysitting on her own childcare time. I really don't feel like doing her any favors because I know she just expects it. the father in me wants to just say yes so I can spend some time with my kid but the logical side of me says that she should take care of her own parenting responsibilities and let me have my time to myself when it's my weekend. any input would be appreciated. For context she asked me about two weeks ago and I said I would look into it and ask her to remind me as the date approached closer. It's in two weeks and she hasn't said a thing about it


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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