The scary thing about being alone is the thought of starting over.
I'm a teacher and I see high school kids everyday from broken homes and trust me they have issues.
Thanks for looking out for me, I really appreciate your input advice.
Right now I'm so confused, my wife is the happiest she's been in months. Honestly she has been in the most depressed mood for 3 months. It's like a switch has gone off. Whatever this is, it's good for the for whole family.
Right now I'm so confused, my wife is the happiest she's been in months. Honestly she has been in the most depressed mood for 3 months. It's like a switch has gone off. Whatever this is, it's good for the for whole family.
Now that sounds nice. Interesting as well.
Please keep sharing what is going on.
Keep expectation low and keep moving forward.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
The scary thing about being alone is the thought of starting over.
I'm a teacher and I see high school kids everyday from broken homes and trust me they have issues.
Thanks for looking out for me, I really appreciate your input advice.
Right now I'm so confused, my wife is the happiest she's been in months. Honestly she has been in the most depressed mood for 3 months. It's like a switch has gone off. Whatever this is, it's good for the for whole family.
With regards to moving on.....don't try and force something. I did this just to get the unhealthy stuff out of the way. The right person will come along if you focus on yourself. That person may be your wife, but it may not be. Keep working on yourself.
Divorce is common, and kids will get through it. Provide then the support they need. If they're not in counseling that would be a good idea. They will always remember this time and how much stability you are providing. That pays dividends in the future.
What I learned from watching W behavior is that good things happen over time, they rarely happen overnight or even after a week or two. Keep your guard up. Bad things.........they can occur at the drop of a hat.
Again this morning, she is showing me stuff about NBA playoffs, something that we share together. Also first time she has laughed in 3 months randomly at something she was watching on phone. I'm starting to wonder if maybe she did get something from the Dr, but I wouldn't think it would be working by now. Dr was 2 weeks ago.
Also yesterday was the first time she made a to do list to clean house and did it. I've been trying hard to keep the household in tack.
Hello bpd I have been reading your threads and thought I’d stop by to say hello .what you have to bear in mind is that the Mlcer’s do cycle a lot so what you are seeing might just be one of the good days . As the others have said keep your expectations at zero because tomorrow she might just be different again which in turn will probably cause you to cycle . I have it with my W ,although mine moved out months ago but she might come to the house seem perfectly fine , normal even but then a couple of days later a harsh text regarding something or other which in turn sets yourself back .regarding what you say about starting all over again why think that far ahead just live for now ,a day at a time you don’t know what the future has in store but thinking to far ahead is just beating yourself up because your always going to think the worst scenario . Just like me . If you read my thread you’ll see that I To was having thoughts just like yourself all the ifs and buts all fear based. let it go and just focus on you. The Now.focusing on your wife is as I’ve been taught and come to understand wasted energy which could of been used on yourself . This mlc is a crazy ride but just hang in there it does get worse before getting better and the road is long and hard but your in the right place for advise . Keep strong my friend.
My wife continues to engage. She is so much closer to herself, she continues to initiate conversation. She has started to text me randomly again. She is playful and having fun with kids but ....
Last night I bring my son home from soccer and he gets into a tiff with his sister. My wife snaps at him to a point that he tells her to leave him alone. I talked to him and he asked me why mommy has changed. He said "Mommy has a bad attitude". I decided to chat with my 2 oldest sons 11 and 13. I asked if they have noticed something and they both said yes. I told them Mommy is going through something that we just need to be patient and loving. I said to not take her moments of anger personally and that if you get into trouble just simple say sorry and give her a hug. I also asked that they help out more around the house to alleviate stress.
My wife in the past 3 months does not get angry with me but does with the children. I am happy that she is acting more like herself, but disappointed she has these random moments of anger with the kids.
Thanks for checking in. I have had some bad days, good days personally. She has continued to be more like herself. She is initiating conversations, she's doing things for me. She knew I was frustrated driving the kids everywhere that she asked if I wanted her to. We've been handling the family duties like a team. She's engaging with the kids. Honestly I can't get over how much she has come out of what I felt was depression.
The only time she got her guard up is at a kids bball game where friends of the family were there. She knows that these people know what's been going on. She froze, would barely acknowledge them and was distant and cold for rest of night. The next day she was better.
What bothers me is she acts more like herself, almost happy, but has zero desire to talk to me about us. I will not engage. I continue to follow Sandi's rules, maybe this is the reason she is more engaged with me.
One of my fears is that she is still very much in replay and can act the way she is acting thinking she has zero desire for a future with me. 2 months ago during the 2nd last relationship talk, she said "I think we are just waiting each other out". What the hell is that supposed to mean, she's waiting for me to wave the white flag, how cruel is that.
During the last relationship talk 1 month ago, she said she was waiting to make sure I was going to be ok with everything. I literally said, "No, I will never be ok with this and I will never agree to anything" I told her that she was free to move out if she felt like she had to. This totally shocked her, didn't know what to say.
I can honestly say my wife is lost, we have had a very loving relationship and we are "Brady Bunch" close with our children. I told her that I was never going to be ok with seeing and raising my children once a week. She even told the therapist that she couldn't do that either.
I do believe my wife recognizes that she is going through something and she needs time and space to sort it all out. It just [censored] to feel like she only sees us as Roommates raising kids.
I honestly felt better when she was depressed and withdrawn for the past 3 months because at least it showed she was going through something. Now it feels like she's content with life without me, which [censored], but she still does stuff for me, talks to me like her best friend and almost thinks about my well being. I know she loves me but wow would I ever like to shake it out of her.
It is obvious she is still going through something. I believe you know and can sense it. And you know you can’t shake her awake; oh if only we could.
She has just withdrawn her ideas inward. Seeing her depressed is easier, you know something is going on. She is still depressed and maybe even working through things. Your stepping back, giving her space and time, is such a gift for her and yourself.
Keep with no relationship talks, no pressure, stay the course. Let her lead any serious conversations, and be very careful if and when you engage. And by the way, yes you pulling away has caused her to take notice and engage more. It is an interesting tenuous dance - you pull away they pursue, you pursue they pull away.
Your assessment of feeling like two roommates raising children is accurate, for now. That’s actually a good thing. Let her be. Dig for patience.
As for things like “I think we are just waiting each other out. “ - remember believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. She is operating on emotions. She is totally serious about whatever she says, it is the absolute be all and end all - right until her feelings change. And change they do. She won’t tell you all the changes, she can’t. She know how mixed up that would look.
For now realize where she is. Emotional and in turmoil. Leave her to her thoughts and feelings. Be pleasant and kind; and enjoy the peace and the family time. Keep moving forward and doing your inner work - becoming the best bdp you will be. A man only a fool would leave.
Focus on you and your kids. Her path is all about her, and for her.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
