From wanting to reconcile to full on divorce in what, 48 hours? They really are on a roller coaster!
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Part of me thinks I will just divorce him now and have a clean break (well as clean as possible where children are involved) but the other part of me thinks- why should I give him what he wants?
Exactly. Why do all the work for him. If he wants a D so bad then he can do the work. That is unless it's putting you in a tough spot financially, sometimes you've got to do it to protect yourself, especially if he's a free- spending MLCer.
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I must admit, most of the sadness has gone and I just feel angry, humiliated and unfortunately rather bitter, especially because he dragged the children into this.
You'll cycle through a lot of different emotions for a while, that's part of it.
I started divorce proceedings. I realised I have got to look after and protect mine and my children’s home and finances as well as our emotional well-being. I thought I would feel upset but actually it felt empowering that I am now taking control of things. He was shocked, to say the least.
I started divorce proceedings. I realised I have got to look after and protect mine and my children’s home and finances as well as our emotional well-being. I thought I would feel upset but actually it felt empowering that I am now taking control of things. He was shocked, to say the least.
Given where he is I'd say you are doing the right thing. Maybe some day he'll come out of the fog and be more like his old self, but until then you need to do what you can to protect yourself and the kids like you said. Good luck!
More confused than ever now. He’s finished with the other woman and is claiming MLC/breakdown, telling me he doesn’t want the divorce and that he wants me to hold off applying for the Decree Nisi while he gets counselling to sort himself out so that he can fight for our marriage. Right now I don’t want him back, I’m not sure I can ever forgive him for what he has done or trust him again. Do I pause proceedings while I figure out if we ever have a future? Or do I say enough is enough and continue with them. I’ve no experience of breakdown/MLC so have no idea if this is just an excuse or what/how he/we get through this.
I second what DejaVU says. I wouldn't trust much of what your H does or says right now - he's in an emotional state. And you are too. So perhaps nobody making any drastic decisions and you concentrating entirely on getting yourself on an even keel are the most important things. Are you financially and physically safe? If not, do what you have to do to make that happen - including divorce. If not, then hang fire and wait until a) you're 100% sure, in calmness, that you want to end the marriage and move on and b) he's more sane.
I have got to look after and protect mine and my children’s home and finances as well as our emotional well-being.
Is this important to you?
Personally, I would keep going down whatever path you were headed down. H needs to come up with a "list" of things he is willing to do to save the marriage and then he needs to show consistent actions that he is doing what he says. You should have a good idea of what his list should look like. If it is too short, then "That is not good enough"
Ask yourself, "Is he manipulating me?" Would someone else say he is manipulating you?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
More confused than ever now. He’s finished with the other woman and is claiming MLC/breakdown, telling me he doesn’t want the divorce and that he wants me to hold off applying for the Decree Nisi while he gets counselling to sort himself out so that he can fight for our marriage.
Don't forget he came to you just, a week ago, wanting to reconcile and then 2 days later was full steam ahead on divorce. So now he says he wants to reconcile again? Nothing has changed. He's still engaging in crazy behavior and you still need to protect yourself financially. I would suggest you tell him to seek out help but that you are going to continue with D proceedings to make sure you and the kids are protected.
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Right now I don’t want him back, I’m not sure I can ever forgive him for what he has done or trust him again.
Exactly, it's going to take SERIOUS EFFORT on his part before you can even think about trusting him again. And hollow promises are NOT serious effort, they are worthless coming from him.
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Do I pause proceedings while I figure out if we ever have a future?
No. Stay off the roller coaster. Continue your course of action. It will take a long time for the D to go through, you can reevaluate later if he really is working on himself. And I mean WORKING, not TALKING. Words are dirt cheap.
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I’ve no experience of breakdown/MLC so have no idea if this is just an excuse or what/how he/we get through this.
Don't believe anything he says. Believe his ACTIONS, and so far he's shown you no actions to indicate he's all-in on the M.
I (not on purpose) ignored advice and undid all my hard work that I had done to GAL. I was drawn back into the rollercoaster that is his life. I don’t want to go into too much detail, as he found me on another forum I am and stalked my posts, showed them to the OW and had a good laugh at me and humiliated me. I have at least had the sense to not allow him to be in my life to the degree he said he wanted. Unfortunately he was continually telling me he loved me while doing all this with the OW and she found out and has harassed me since. The only plus side to this is that he has now seen how crazy she has been and so have his family, who I spoke to recently for the first time since he left. I now have their total support as of course they were not aware of how he has treated me. I am not sure there is any way back for us from this, but if this is some kind of MLC, at least now they are aware and can hopefully drum some sense into him to get his life back in order in terms of his mental health and his job that he is on the verge of losing.
I have continued divorce proceedings and he now has my wedding ring- I told him to take it otherwise it was going down the drain. I am now on my own mission to GAL and re reading the ‘rules’ every time I feel weak. Previously when I was trying to implement them it was with the aim of getting him back, this time it is for me to get over him.
I am now on my own mission to GAL and re reading the ‘rules’ every time I feel weak. Previously when I was trying to implement them it was with the aim of getting him back, this time it is for me to get over him.
I'm sorry he took advantage of your good intentions. At least you'll never wonder, "What if?" No shame in fighting hard for someone you love. May your next partner reward it. Take care!
