Husband spent 4 nights at home this new year holiday, he stayed up late for Netflix and I'll leave him there, I go to bed before 23:00 pm every night. He was calm when we were together for new year holiday, but he could fly into a rage and be very inpatient with his parents and his brother (I don't understand where and how he's got those rages)
I'm keeping calm when he yelled at his parents... yes, I felt embarrassed but I acted like I was not bothered by his behavior at all. And I did not try to aid and comfort.
Is it normal for husband's re connection lasts over 24 months ? He started in showing affection and return home during weekend for 2 years.
I keep my paces and will not be distracted by anyone/anything, still a bit curious the status of his mind.
He got back to our apartment 2 days ago to pick up his stuff (the charger), I left the chocolate tablet and a note for him for valentine's day. Later I got home and found the chocolate and note were collected and I laughed.
I always love a Babe update! I did the same for my H except no note and laughed similarly when I saw he had taken it from the table. The table still was full of love, as all the stuff I put out for my kids remained.
About is it normal -- I don't know what folks will say here; I am sure it will be helpful to hear their insight/experience. But if you start thinking too hard about what's normal you might waver in your incredibly wonderful faith/trust in God's timing! You are such an inspiration to me!
Last edited by Gerda; 02/14/1908:55 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I went to french class last Saturday, we learned the vocabularies of various stages of human life; the childhood, the teenage and adulthood... In french, there are the words that indicate the rebel of youth - 'la crise d'adolescence'.
Our teacher asked if you were calm or rebelled ? I then think of what my mother-in-law once told me that husband was extremely quiet (and so oppressive) when he was in his youth... his parents fought each other in front of the kids all the time, I mean real fight. I don't want to think any further.
I won't believe this midlife crisis things not until I became the eye witness of it. I prayed that Lord would pour His love into husband's heart and have him healed from the trauma he had.
Ah, oui, Babe, la crise d'adolescence, c'est vrai, and c'est insupportable!
J'ai chez moi cette crise avec mon mari et aussi avec mon fils. But my son is able to shift out of it, unlike my H.
And yes, my H, like yours and probably most spouses around here, had trauma growing up. He left his country and loving extended family as a very young child, and then grew up very isolated as a latch key kid with alcoholic, abusive father and a mom who did not protect him. I can still see how his dad's continued cruelty destroys him. Before MLC, his whole goal in life was to be a good father to his son and heal those wounds. Now I think he is causing wounds just as bad to his own son.
The thing is, I had real trauma growing up too.And I did not have God in my life until fairly recently. There is something so fragile about our spouses.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Yes, you have God in your life...but also, you may have developed better coping skills while growing up. MLCer's usually do not have very good coping skills, if any, and that's why they have such a difficult time navigating quarter life and the mid life crisis.
MLCers are very, very fragile and those who truly go off the deep end are more so.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Spring is coming to the place where I live, we have flower blossoms everywhere.
In three weeks, it will be my grandma's 7th death anniversary, time flies... two years after that, bomb dropped and husband told me - 'nothing was right after that...'
I understand his crisis goes without a project schedule (laugh) and the time is in the hands of my Lord. Still I'm quite curious when he is going to come out ?
He's been extremely busy; I had dinner with him last Friday. He invited, I'm surprised cause when he had affair with his colleague, he asked me not to show myself in the neighborhood where his office is. But last Friday we had dinner at the restaurant of his office building.
I'm in good shape, my life can not be any better. Working daily and taking language lesson during weekend. Volunteering every month. Je suis contente !!
Spring is popping up around here too. Today, it is gusty winds, but the shine is shining. Typical March weather around here.
There is no way to tell when your h going to exit his crisis. He will exit when he's ready to return to the real world. All you can do is be that friend and continue moving forward on your own path.
Your h is slowly inching his way along. Wow! you had dinner w/him at the restaurant of his office building! That's a step in the right direction.
Keep up the good work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"Their clocks are very, very slow, unlike ours. It has taken years for them to get where they are today and it's going to take some time for them to work through those childhood issues, learn to accept the things that they weren't responsible for and come to understand that they were children and couldn't do a thing about whatever happened and learn to accept that they are good people and have people who love them in the here and now. Dig deeper for patience, compassion and understanding" - Job (quote from Reconciliation - hardball vs softball)
My husband is on another planet where it has it's own clocks, I can prove this and it takes like forever for him to move forward. I can't help wondering when he is going to landing on earth... my wondering gets me to nowhere. One thing I could do for myself is moving on my pace, going straight on my won.
It's 7 years after my grandmother's death and it's 4.5 years after bomb dropped and it's 4 years after he moved out.
For every 5-8 months, I can feel the progress. To me each step is tiny but for him I don't know if it is huge... Recently he texted me gentle and nicely. I appreciate it a lot !
Very well said. We try to remind posters that the clocks of MLCers are very, very slow. Very much like Rip Van Winkle who fell asleep and didn't wake up for a very long.
Thanks for sharing your insights. Hope all is well w/you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had an unpleasant weekend; husband is testing on my patience to the limits.
There was an appointment of dinner with in-laws and husband Saturday night; I can not believe, they were 40-50 mins late. Yes, I was waiting alone... we all are grown ups, 40 mins late for an appointment is unforgivable to me !
I was thinking "shall I just leave the restaurant ? " but I didn't.
The house of my mother-in-law and the entire neighborhood will be reconstructed before summer vacation, they need to find another place to stay for a while, I don't know what's bothering my husband, he got the rages easily and he cursed his mother and father - "why don't they just die !"
My husband was always shy, timid but nice before this crisis. I can not believe the words I just heard.
He went to our apartment with me Saturday night, he was not angry with me, however on Sunday morning, when we drove, he lost his temper again, he yelled at the motorcyclist and drives like madman. Why he is impatient so easily ?
I called out for Lord all the weekend, specially it was Easter Sunday; how husband's personality and character changed like I never knew this person ?! my eyes are wide opened... I expected that he is getting closer and closer to the end of this crisis, and past two years, his personality in returning very very slowly... last night I could not sleep, I don't understand this, how there's a big fall back like this ?
