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Turbine... you need to stop thinking in absolutes...always, never, etc... As long as you keep thinking that way, you will remain stuck. Take charge of your life. Start thinking differently. “This hurts and it is hard but I CAN do it.” “I will make my future happy...even if it is not the future I thought I would have.” Guess what?? It could actually be better!!! And you don’t know what that future holds. It will have Mrs. Turbine in it... you have kids and grandkids together...just maybe not how you thought. Do the work. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. If you can’t or won’t do those things, you are going to remain stuck. Let go of your fears Turbine. You ARE worthy of love and of happiness but you won’t find it if you keep punishing yourself and telling yourself the opposite. There IS life after divorce...make yours a good one...for you. Open yourself up to the infinite amount of possibilities that exist for you and your life. You will be so glad you did. (((HUGS)))

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DejaVu, considering how long ago I had that feeling about retiring that might have been more a premonition. You do bring up a valid point. That has to change.

Lots of insecurities, fears etc.

Maybe time for a batch of my Ego Chili.

Try to play this game by the rules. Only to find the game is rigged. Tired of a lot of this. Time to gear up and tell the world to Foxtrot off. Walk alone... for now.


H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
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At what point is it acceptable to consider what improvements you would like to see in your wayward. Not to mention what would you like to see.


I think the LBH should consider the improvements he wants to see, before he ever agrees to a reconciliation. If you and your W are separated due to her waywardness, then IMHO, you should have certain requirements of her before you take her back into the MR. However, you do not mention these conditions until your W asks you what would it take to get back together. Until then, there is no point in telling her what you want......b/c quite frankly, if she is a WW, she doesn't care what you want. If there has been no change in her heart, she won't cooperate with your terms.

Waywards have a stubborn pride that is tough to break. Their selfishness will blow you away! They are not on the same track as their spouse, and have no interest in improving the MR. They want freedom to do whatever they want in any given moment. No responsibilities, no accountability, no dependability.

As a former WW, I can tell you that letting her go is the best thing you can do. It's not what you "want", but if there is a chance for this MR......it's letting her go. Improve your self esteem. Enjoy life. Don't make everything about her. I don't think the LBH can get good enough to change the WW's mind. It doesn't work with waywards. The only thing they respect is strength. If she sees you dropping her and moving on with your life instead of clinging to her.......she will have more respect for you as a man.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Gut punch number... at this point it doesn't matter what number. Email from my L with settlement and final stuff. Not falling apart but driving on rims. Got no air in my tires now. Be nice to have that auto-inflate like in The Demolition Man.

Got two pictures of youngest granddaughter. Ten months old now. Mrs. Turbine hasn't seen her yet. At this point it is her loss. I am going again. Probably for her first birthday. Chance for a second tattoo. Maybe this time the Vulcan IDIC or the Klingon tre-foil. A broken heart would be overly dramatic don't you agree?

A friend sent me some pages from Jesus Calling (I think that is the title) that were received before the email. A reminder? All I can say is it was timely.

Time at the gym... maybe put some air back in those tires. Or at least in my sails. Yeah... nautical fits me better...

The TSM had the perfect ambush chance there with that email. Guess 10 month old girl is a good ward. Got 8 reasons why not. May never know or understand why...


H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
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Hey Turbine. Sorry about the email from you L. I know this is not what you wanted. Be kind to yourself... We’re all rooting for you. (((HUGS)))

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Turbine ,
The not seeing granddaughter is unbelievable. I guess that shows how far gone she is in her thinking and path . I love the nautical theme btw . Someone did a quote on here that I have been trying to track down for ages , the gist of it is “ keep sailing straight and if you come across the devil go faster and cut him in two “ for some reason it hit me in the feels .

Big fan of the gym to get a little breeze in the sails when in the doldrums. Nice to get some female chat , just watch out for borderers if you know what I mean. wink need to keep the deck clean sailor . Get some wind in them sails and get further away from the storm , soon it will be full sails cruising in warm waters .

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To be fair, I can't rule out a money issue for not seeing the youngest granddaughter. I had asked. She said give her the money.

Any money that way would be in the put your bags in the car and let's go. As in together. Won't hard sell that. I'd like to but getting to where I'll make that trip again solo. Make some chili when I get there and share. Maybe a pot luck at church there... spread the Ego chili!!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. Or Passover.

Spent Saturday night at younger daughter's. She went to the gym with me. We agreed, Ii am likely in better shape than my son (her brother). Another confidence boost.

Started reading Jesus Calling. Today's page seemed appropriate.

Started reading "The Subtle Art of not Giving a Foxtrot". Review to follow. Will be edited for family content.


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Turbine The Subtle Art of Not Giving. A Flock is a great read. I stumbled across it 2 months ago, and I highly recommend it to anyone here.

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Woke up to the end of "Let it be " by Florida Georgia Line and Bebe Rexha. Seems like a solid reminder of our path. We have to drive the car and if they want to ride along... well it will be.

Started my "bootlegging" of frozen custard for people at work. So much for their diets. Their choice. I just showed them the flavor of the day calendar.

She paid the cable bill again from our account. No money in so really I paid it. Car insurance should be next.

If she can't cover bills in her name how does she expect this to work out for the long term?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Mahal... is the feeling to escape that strong you don't see past the end of your nose? That is a rhetorical question but please feel free to respond. Sandi... I know your thoughts would be most useful. Even if there is a 2x4 in there.


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Friday I will be a zombie. My son asked I join him and some others at the Thursday night 2245 (10:45PM) show for Avengers: Endgame.

Last midnight show I saw was Star Wars with my Dad.

Does this qualify as "Get an Un-life" since zombies are undead?

If she comments or not... don't matter.

Cleaned the bathroom last night. She had to know since all her stuff was moved. Not why I did it. Needed to be done.

Gym tonight!!! Fun getting the Dad-bod upgraded. Sore but worth it. Want to avoid health issues my Dad had.


H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
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